What’s the opposite of the Kool-Aid Man? A hollowed-out cherry full of molten glass?
Well whoever he is, somebody better call him, because we’re gonna need a hearty “Oh, noooooo” to kick this review off.
I know, I know: I just shared the news about these Mystery Flavor Pop-Tarts two days ago, and here I am already reviewing them. Well, despite having a portly pantry’s worth of actual cereals awaiting review, after tasting Mister E. Pop-Tarts I knew they had to jump the queue.
See, Pop-Tarts didn’t do what Great Value Mystery Toaster Pastries did, by introducing a fruit punchy flavor so vague it could be anything from grape to grapefruit. However, Pop-Tarts also didn’t do what I hoped they would do: introduce a universally palatable, yet unique, flavor like Chocolate Hazelnut or Honey Pop-Tarts.
No, what Pop-Tarts did was bold—exceptionally so, considering how you have to blindly commit to 16 Pop-Tarts when you buy these.
What Pop-Tarts did…was totally prank us.
Enough clickbaiting: want to know what I think the mystery flavor of Mister E. Pop-Tarts is? I’ll give you a couple line breaks for spoiler protection.
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Cheez-Its. I sincerely, honestly think these are Cheez-It Pop-Tarts. From my first nostril-wrinkling whiff upon opening the foil pouch, I detected familiar notes of oily, processed cheddar. Naturally, I did an octuple-take before very nervously biting in, hoping that maybe the truth was more innocent and a cracker-hoarding Kellogg’s factory rat died on the production line by these Pop-Tarts.
But nope: vaguely sweet toasted cheesiness is infused into the very core of Mister E. Pop-Tarts. I even made some friends try a taste to make sure I wasn’t crazy, though I can’t be sure if they’ll still consider me a friend after such a fiendish mouse-bait-and-switch.
The question you may have next is, but are they any good? Nope!
Sure, for like one bite, it’s sort of a fun gimmick to taste the Pop-Tarts’ buttery biscuit crust melding with the sharp goo inside to create an overly aggressive Cheese Danish effect, but once you realize there’re still 1.5 Pop-Tarts left in your pouch—let alone your box—the novelty wears off quicker than a Lactaid pill, and you’re left with the unappetizing toaster pastry equivalent of a two day-old Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready.
Speaking of hot, the cheesiness of Mystery Flavor Pop-Tarts only becomes more obvious after you toast them—and your entire kitchen starts smelling like a bowling alley. Nor does toasting improve the flavor, instead making the smoky savoriness more obtrusive and even less sweet-balanced.
For the record, I tried one frozen, too, but the result was bland, extremely chewy, and borderline nauseating, so I don’t think I need to say much more on that front.
Ultimately, I’m not sure what Pop-Tarts was going for, here. If they were trying to come up with something so ridiculous that it’ll make tabloid headlines and tie into their ~zany~ social media personality, then, well, they succeeded and will probably get the attention they crave. But I feel like if you’re going to trick people into buying 16 gag Pop-Tarts, you should at least make them more palatable, or perhaps pair these cheddar abominations with something more agreeable, like cheesecake.
There’s also the possibility that I totally misinterpreted the taste of these, but I’m not sure what else the mystery flavor could be. If I’m being charitable, maybe I could call it Sweet Brie or Smoked Gouda, but that’s giving too much class to what is, in the end, a joke that’s hard to stomach.
(UPDATE June 2021: I’m amending my official guess a little. Though 2021 being the centennial anniversary of Cheez-Its makes my original theory seem more plausible, the official Kellogg’s page for the promotion gives very clear clues as to the true answer:
It’s Everything Bagel. I still taste more cheese than garlic or onion here, but regardless of the taste notes, Mister E. Pop-Tarts are still a senseless crime against the senses.)
The Bowl: Mister E. Flavor Pop-Tarts
The Breakdown: Oily and cheesy like a certain Kellogg’s snack cracker, these Pop-Tarts are a hot mess whose shock value aren’t worth the cost of entry. These would’ve done better around Halloween time as a tricky treat to hand out to unsuspecting neighbor kids.
The Bottom Line: 1 Pop-Tart equivalent of a Kraft Single out of 10
I just got these from the 99 cent store and I think mine must be stale because they have almost no taste, though now that I read that it’s supposed to be everything bagel, the very faint oniony taste that I thought was my imagination makes sense… I hate them!
I purchased a box from the 99cent store, and quickly found out why they were at the 99cent store. Totally disgusting! Whomever spearheaded this flavor in marketing should be seriously reprimanded.
I think it’s chicken and waffles. They should of warned us they were going savory. There is a chicken bouillon flavor to the crust and a sweet syrupy vanilla flavor to the feeling. Hated iy not toasted, heated….it’s ok
Me too. Got it from the 99, VERY upset by the flavor. My toddler doesn’t seem to care so not a total waste.
My son just asked “Can we sue Poptarts?”
I can’t get this taste out of my mouth fast enough. Taste like Ramen noodles, chicken flavor.
My grandson tried one and said it tasted like feet. He said he would eat one again though.
I think someone on the creative team made a bet that they could get the executives to agree to spunk flavor pop tarts and they won.
Think about it.
The funky cheesy smell.
The gooey white cream interior that basically tastes of salt and funk.
Someone sold this as quirky, but secretly, it their warped heart, they knew.
They *knew*.
everything bagel with cream cheese
DO NOT TRY THESE. It’s what I imagine licking an athlete’s sweaty armpit would be like.
Lindsey wins award for funniest comment! That had me cracking up.
I get a small taste of a birthday cake. Something of a ranch flavor but, I know they will not give us ranch in the morning right.
I ate 1 an can’t make out which one it is Cream cheese garlic an onion im going to work tomorrow an try an sucker the guys at work to eat one an see how this will go
I think it taste like
Cream cheese cake icing however I would not dare eat another One
I purchased an eight count box and am VERY disappointed. Cant speak from experience but I am guessing that these taste alot like a** would taste like if you were so inclined to try. They are bad!
Dang bro, you don’t eat a**? Live a little, Jim!
So just tried these with my son… and started to laugh. Kellogg’s is trolling everyone. I am willing to bet this is durian. I bought some freeze dried durian several months ago, and to me it tastes like a sweet onion. Maybe a little cheese funk. Sometimes there is a faint acidic fruitiness like pineapple. I get that same exact flavor profile when I bit into this. My son was not impressed to say the least.
Disgusted searched for mystery flavor and saw everything bagel. I felt bad cause my 7 yr old loves pop tarts. No more mysteries she says Lol
I like them. My originally thought was everything bagel with cream cheese. Still not sure why the sweetness. Or why the company thought this was a good idea. I’ll toast mine and butter them before eating. But won’t buy again. I can see landfills full of these. And that’s from a person who likes them.
It’s honestly not that bad
Marie you are crazy review after review is revealing this flavor to so far be the most hated pop-tart flavor EVER
Absolutely disgusting do not waste your money!!
For the first time in my life, I couldn’t finish one pop tart.
I just tried this what ever you call it and I almost picked what a waste of money please never buy this it is disgusting I thought this was gooing yo be good but it wasn’t please never buy this 🤮🤢
I thought it tasted like those chicken in a biscuit crackers. It was disgusting.
Yup chicken garlic onion everything gross taste! Do not buy!! Disgusting!!
We tried them after my 6 year old wouldn’t take no for an answer. The 3 of us have many regrets. Our though were that it tasted like sweet mashed potatoes & gravy. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!
For a moment to thought chicken garlic sire fry. Then the next bite was candy corn.
So awful, I can’t emphasize it enough.
its chives and cream cheese..
My son and I bravely tried them and from the smell to the taste, we both said onion. Well he also tasted garlic and butter, but definitely onion. Straight to the trash they went.
I thought They smelled like Fritos. Tasted like bad cheese or spoiled milk. Had to throw the whole box away. Like why do this? I was Hoping for raspberry or banana or even peanut butter marshmallow. Something people would actually want to eat.
Smelled like feet. And after one awful bite I can’t get the taste out of my mouth.
Absolutely disgusting Garlic flavor,one bite and I wondered if mine were spoiled or something, so I looked it up, and yeah.
Tastes like cheddar cheese cheese itz or cheese and crackers
I thought they tasted like cheese too!
wow, thank you for this!
you saved me an allergic reaction!!! *phew*
I just tried these and I have to agree. Not good at all.
As soon as I opened the foil pouch I thought “yuck!” It smells weird. My guess for the flavor is sweet potato casserole. The filling is vaguely marshmellow-y. And I do love sweet potato casserole, but whatever this is just doesn’t work.
You saved me from making a horrendous mistake.. Thank you
Awesome thanks for that if this. Now I’m on the hunt
Oh my chicken, garlic, onion, cheese it, everything baggel, whatever it is…it’s horrible! Do not buy!! Disgusting!! I will be returnibg tomorrow!!
Is this a practical joke! Kelloggs what have you done! Not sure i can ever eat a pop tart again! You have ruined me!
If you followed directions and got the clues first. It’s definitely a everything bagel 🥯 with cream 🍦 🧀