O dumpster fire, O dumpster fire
How flaming is thy garbage
O rubbish year, O rubbish year
Your trash was so combustive

I’m sure you don’t need your friendly neighborhood cereal blogger to remind you that 2021 has been, by and large, a rough one: a collective yikes, a 365-day-long concerted oof, if you will. And when I started this article, I initially felt like 2021 was a bad year for new cereals, too. Compared to the meaty breakfasts and Green Onion Chexes of recent years, 2021 definitely had fewer game-changing cereal oddities. The closest thing to a show-stopping headline was the 50th anniversary Monster Mash Cereal—which turned out to be a pretty milquetoast Monster Cereal send up that, while not worthy of my year-end list, was still a befitting symbol for this year.

Nevertheless, as I retro-flected on everything I reviewed this year, I was surprised to see a fair handful of fond memories. For a vast majority of this good stuff, I simply couldn’t believe they actually came out in 2021: that’s how long this year has felt. #2 on this year’s Best List, in particular, felt like something I would’ve eaten while still in high school—if not while still in diapers.

But I’m sure you’ll get enough of this blithe oh what a year small talk from your real-life NYE compatriots, so allow me to cut to the chase: here are the five new cereal(related product)s that made my mouth water this year—and the three that made my cry.

5. CLIF Bar Cereals

In a year of several over-priced, under-flavored “Bar Inspired Cereals,” CLIF’s were the only good ones—and they were really good. Filled with huge clusters and punchy, creamy, nut-buttery goodness, this hefty quartet actually inspired me to climb a mountain…

…just kidding: I scarfed down all four of these cereals while hunched over my kitchen sink in the span of like a week. But oh, what an energizing week it was!

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4. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Krave

If any cereal company had a bad 2021, it was Kellogg’s. The two-month+ Kellogg’s factory worker strike only just came to an end, bringing to the forefront a number of serious labor issues often glossed over in the sugar-coated cereal industry. And while I’m still hesitant to outright endorse new Kellogg’s products (I’ll be taking a measured approach to coverage in 2022), I have to admit that Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Krave, released way back in February, was a pleasant evolution of a divisive cereal brand I’ve long had a soft, doughy spot for.

This stuff basically took everything good about normal chocolate Krave and added a neat buttery vanilla sheen to it. Plus this Krave got me a reply from Strong Bad, and that alone earns it a spot on this list.

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3. Almond Cheerios Oat Crunch

“All ages know oat.” — J. McElroy

And all readers of this blog know that I’m obsessed with the Oat Crunch line of Cheerios. As a long-time oat flour evangelist, I will heartily endorse any cereal that puts that hearty base grain in the spotlight. Both previous Oat Crunch iterations have made year-end lists, and while Almond didn’t quite feel as immaculate or innovative as Cinnamon and Honey ‘N Oats, it still presented a buffed-up Honey Nut Cheerios experience with a stellar, weighty crunch and a rich, nuanced flavor. Solid, solid, solid.

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2. Kroger Super Kaleidos

It’s my blog and I can call an extremely tangential product a cereal of the year if I want to!!

Yes, Kroger’s allegedly “Fruity Cereal” flavored sandwich cookies are pretty far from a traditional breakfast, and heck, they didn’t even really taste like fruity cereal, but these suckers were so good and very pleasing to me personally. See, they taste just like Superman Ice Cream, a regional midwest delicacy that’s very close to my nostalgia-holic heart. And of all the unprecedented B.S. this year brought and wrought alike, at least this particular Play-Doh-hued scientific abomination was awfully appetizing. Honestly—if not for the taxonomical controversy, I would’ve put these Super Kaleidos at #1.

But oh well, I’ll just save that top spot for when I inevitably make a “Extinct Snacks I’d Kill For” list in ten years’ time.

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1. Apple Pie Toast Crunch

Super Kaleidos were certainly a tough cookie to top, but when it comes to straight-up enjoyable breakfast cereals, this pie-flavored Toast Crunch ironically takes the cake. It didn’t too anything too wild, and yet it managed to perfectly blend CTC’s iconic cinna-sugar flavor with the best caramelized apple flavor I’ve yet to taste in a cereal. I wish there was more to say here—especially since APTC is taking the coveted Best Cereal of the Year title, but seriously: in the midst of a difficult year, sometimes the best thing for your bowl is a well-done nü-comfort classic. And with great mix potential with other Toast Crunches like Sugar Cookie, Dulce de Leche, and the upcoming CinnaGraham Toast Crunch, there’s still a lot of comfort to be milked out of Apple Pie Toast Crunch going into the new year.

So here’s to you, Apple Pie Toast Crunch: you truly are the apple of my both my eyes.

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Okay, so those were the most memorable releases of 2021, but what about the ones I wish I could forget? Yeugh, for both our sakes, I’ll make this quick:

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3. Cosmic Brownies Cereal

Look, Cosmic Brownies Cereal wasn’t even that bad, but coming off the high of 2020’s delightful Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal, this adaptation of a cult-classic snack cake was far more disappointing. It was, essentially, just a square Cocoa Puffs, with none of its namesake treat’s fudge-y richness.

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2. Mister E. Pop-Tarts

Even before the strike, Kellogg’s was essentially violating human rights by releasing this sick joke of a Pop-Tart. Long story short, the mystery flavor was Everything Bagel, and everyone who bit into a Mister E. Pop-Tart expecting something sweet and cheery was instead greeted by garlic, cheese, and soul-deep disgust. Making a gag flavor is a subtle art, and Kellogg’s took the gag way too literally here—though at least, I had fun using these to prank my friends.

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1. Lucky Charms Marshmallow Clusters

It takes an especially bad cereal to top “puke-worthy Pop-Tarts,” but these Upchucky Charms sure did. Part of the problem with Lucky Charms Marshmallow Clusters was that they were ostensibly meant to fill the void left behind by the now-discontinued Rice Krispies Treats Cereal‘s unholy reformulation. But instead of the simple satisfaction of marshmallowy rice clusters, instead we got this painfully crunchy and hollowly corny tripe. Gah, I’m getting heated just thinking about it, so please don’t make me keep going.

So let me instead wish you a happy 2022, offer you my sincerest thanks for still reading this silly site after 6.5 years and counting. I’ll be honest and apologetic and say that I wasn’t able to give Cerealously my entire heart and soul this year due to a number of personal struggles and setbacks, but it means the world to me that people will still read 1200 words about sugary nonsense—even when that world feels like it’s on fire, you’re always welcome at my breakfast table.

Here’s to better bowls ahead!