Tag Archives: trix

Review: Trolls World Tour Trix with Marshmallows

Is it just me, or does “marbit” sound an awful lot like “varmint?”

I’m not saying I don’t like what is perhaps cereal’s single most iconic component, but the mythical munchability of freeze-dried marshmallows, at least to me, has been their scarcity. The Biblical parable of the child who carefully picked all the marshmallows out of his Lucky Charms, only for his father to make him eat the soggy oats alongside the family donkey still rings true: “he who hems and haws makes himself an ass.”

Uh, I think that’s the…unreleased fifth letter to the Corinthians. You wouldn’t know it: Paul wrote it at a different school.

So much did I enjoy the rare treat of breakfast marshmallows as a child that I feel spoiled now—or at least my appetite is. Every cereal from Apple Jacks to Frosted Flakes is chucking marshmallows into classic cereals with no respect for tradition, boundaries, or mouthfeel. And now they’ve gotten to Trix, too. A cereal that has never been paired with marshmallows before this year of Twenty-Silly-Bunny.

It’d be a low-hanging comedic fruit to say it feels like the cereal industry is Trolling us with all these clumsily composed marshmallow cereals, but I will say that, thanks to the Trolls 2: World Tour branding on these Trix, I’m marginally more optimistic about the concept. Because while I deeply, even spiritually prefer the Trix fruit shapes to spheres, I will admit that swirled spheres are aesthetically pleasing enough to thread onto a friendship bracelet.

If I made two, how fast do you think UPS could get one to the Corinthians? Or at least, The Corinthian? I’ve had eyes for him for a while. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: general mills, movie cereals, trix. 5 Comments

Dec. ’19

News: Yoplait Trix & Cinnamon Toast Crunch Smoothies

Thought Trix Yogurt, the delightfully swirled nectar that is to Trix cereal as ultra-premium gasoline is to crude oil, was pretty much gone off shelves everywhere but spider-webbed school cafeteria giga-fridges? That would be a pretty silly thing to think, wouldn’t it. Very preposterous, even.

While you may have to get your LLL (lunch lady license) to order true Trix Yogurt in Olympic pool-sized volume, we solo spooners can at least skip the silverware and slug back a yogurty Trix smoothie. Yoplait is releasing this “Citrus Flavored Cultured Dairy Beverage” alongside a complementary Cinnamon Toast Crunch variety. So no matter where you drink this cereal ichor, you can tell your spouse, boss or defense attorney that “I couldn’t have possibly stolen cereal milk from a baby: I only drink cultured milk products!”

Works every time.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B6AGhYBhBdP/

So far, these smoothies have had sightings at H-E-B and Kroger, so check your local chain for a chance at filling a Cinnamon Toast Chalice with viscous beige splendor.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: general mills, non cereal, toast crunch, trix. 1 Comment

Dec. ’19

Spooned & Spotted: Jolly Rancher Cereal

Photo via i_need_a_snack_ (thank you for sharing!)

Ah. Oh man. Here it comes again. The inscrutable drooling.

Am I the only one whose middle school memories are just one big gob of shuddersome awkwardness that smells like ambient Jolly Ranchers that were bought in bulk at the student store and provisioned round the clock like electric chewing tobacco? Somehow I doubt I’m alone.

But anyway, it’s because of that unfortunate thing that I can’t even look at these pictures of General Mills’ new Jolly Rancher Cereal without my esophagus puckering and my mouth sweating from phantom exertion. For the sake of my delicate keyboard mechanics, I’ll keep this brief: Instagram foodie @i_need_a_snack_ managed to nab the last box of this faux fruit still life—which is stunning considering how a whole Walmart sold out of the stuff before news hit the web.

Regardless, this feels like General Mills’ way of clapping back against the sensory-subverting event that was Sour Patch Kids Cereal. On one hand, I hope this is more than just some imitation Zounds! Entirely Fruit!, but if this is authentic enough to Jolly Rancher candy to put the butter- in my -milk, these sour sweets will be gone.

Unfortunately, early comments are claiming it’s just remolded Trix flavoring. If this is true, I will only begrudgingly eat the entire box, while reminiscing on the good old days when Jolly Rancher Cereal pieces were shaped like Runtz instead of chubby tubes. If you’ve tried it, let me know what you think in the comments. I’ll be off to Walmart to corral these Ranchers just after my appointment with a mall food court 25¢ candy machine.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: general mills, Spooned and spotted, trix. 1 Comment

Oct. ’19

News: Hershey Kisses Cereal and Trolls Trix with Marshmallows

Never before has a new cereal pairing sounded so much like a Cosmopolitan quiz.

Are you a Kiss, or a Troll? We can tell you in one question

And that question would be something along the lines of:

If you could pick a sexy location for making whoopie, which would you choose:

A) The bathroom at a fancy fondue joint
B) Under a dumpy bridge

No matter your alignment, I think it’s tough to be upset with either of General Mills’ two upcoming cereals—which we know about thanks entirely to @sega_retro_revival. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: general mills, movie cereals, news, trix. 6 Comments

Jul. ’19

Review: FYE Blue-Eyes White Dragon Berry Blast Cereal

The year is 2004, or something.

I spent the morning carefully curating and collating the best possible Yu-Gi-Oh! deck from a jumbo tupperware’s worth of monster-fronted cardboard rectangles.

I go to my local Meijer grocery store, which, for some reason, was hosting a Yu-Gi-Oh! tournament (an in-store event that, for some even worse reason, never happens these days).

Using my incredibly overpowered Wave-Motion Cannon, I obliterate another plucky young fellow, who proceeded to yell at me for “not telling him what the card did.” To which I replied, “Well you never asked…”

Needless to say, I lost the next match and got grifted by some older dude who coerced me into trading a good card for a ruddy one.

(I promise you, I am only haunted by this story bidaily, at most.)

So yes, while I was very into the Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters trading card game ~15 years ago, I never expected to sit eye-to-blue-eyes with a Yu-Gi-Oh! cereal in the year 2019. FYE’s Blue-Eyes White Dragon Cereal isn’t the first YGO! cereal, either: the first, 2003 version boasted more thematically interesting Millennium Puzzle pieces, and back-of-the-box art that’s way more interesting than Blue-Eyes’ so-last-millennium word puzzle:

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, fye, trix. 2 Comments

Sep. ’18

Review: FunkO’s Cereal – Cuphead Don’t Deal with the Devil!

“Well, Cuphead and his pal Mugman
They like a sugared munch…
By chance they came ‘pon Devil’s Crunch
And gosh, they paid a price!
A slightly lower price…
And now they’re noshing for their lives
In a breakfast dyed with dread…
And if they eat, but face defeat…
Well…
The Devil will leave their palates shredded!”

I’ve been putting off trying Funko Pop’s self-populating ecosystem of pop culture FunkO’s Cereals, mostly due to the cartoon eye-popping prices charged by each flavor’s exclusive home store—a common trend amongst premium tie-in cereals, even those that don’t include prizes.

Now preparing for its third series of Tony-Hawk-Pro Skater-cheat-code-headed character cereals, Funko has chosen a litany of increasingly obscure locales, from Hot Topic to Books-a-Million, to up the scavenger hunt-esque collector’s potential—and most of them, like FYE, prefer to charge around $12 a box for the toy-stuffed treats.

I resisted the urge to go on a golden goose-priced wild goose chase, and instead succumbed to a different type of temptation: that of Cuphead’s GameStop-exclusive Don’t Deal with the Devil Cereal, for just $8.

Now that’s a great de…uh, bargain! I mean bargain! Please don’t let this cereal become soul food. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Uncategorized. Tags: 6 rating, trix. 4 Comments

Oct. ’17

Review: Classic Trix Cereal (with 6 colors again!)

To paraphrase the illustrious Milhouse Van Houten: “Remember Trix? They’re back! …In ~~Pog form~~ 6 colors.

Okay, well Trix never actually left, but when General Mills removed the cereal’s artificial colors and flavors at the start of last year, it kind of desaturated the cereal in the public eye. And even I’ll admit that, while I appreciated the cereal’s newly authentic fruit flavor at first, its overly citrusy taste profile started to sour on me. Before long, I was out there on the front lines with my “Give Me Red Dye #40 Or Give Me An Even Swifter Death” picket sign.

And apparently General Mills heard the anguished cries of a bunny litter’s worth of distraught inner children, because now “Classic” Trix is back on shelves alongside its tri-colored companion. So whether you’re hankering for a carrot or a slice of carrot cake, Trix has something for you, your kids, and all your silly rabbits to gnaw on.

Let’s take a flavor roadtrip back to the ancient old days of early 2016, shall we? Don’t forget to bring your Sports Almanac! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, general mills, trix. 15 Comments

Sep. ’17

News: “Classic Trix” is Making a Comeback!

(Image via General Mills)

Grab your HitClips, Heelys, and old retainer, because Classic Trix are making a comeback, and since Trix are for kids, you’ll have to act like a kid to eat them. Otherwise some neighborhood ragamuffins will swing through your kitchen on a cartoon vine, call you a silly rabbit, and make off with your raspberry red, lemony yellow, orangey orange, wildberry blue, grapity purple, and watermelon bounty.

On second thought, you might want to leave the dental gear behind. Wouldn’t want you to be stuck sipping Trix yogurt through a straw. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: general mills, news, trix. 11 Comments