Uh, yes, General Mills customer service hotline? Yes, I’d like to file a serious complaint of the geometrically misleading nature.

See, your popular breakfast cereal product “Cinnamon Toast Crunch,” with its cinnamon-swirled, famously see-able taste, frequently tells me in its commercials—featuring cannibalistic cereal creatures who send a bad message about disrupting the food chain, but that’s a different phone call—to “Crave those Crazy Squares.”

Yet, the cereal’s newest crossover product, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Toaster Strudel, lacks the proper equilateral dimensions to qualify as a square. At best, they’re rectangular prisms, but even that forces me to uncomfortably suspend my knowledge of high school mathematics in order to enjoy this product.

Not that this is the first time you’ve spurned Cinnamon Toast Crunch’s signature shape, but after this egregious misstep, I must request that you atone for your mistake by changing the trademarked slogan to either “Reach toward those Rascally Rectangles” or “Quest for those Quirky Quadrilaterals.”

I’ll forgive your twice-toasted error for now—at least until breakfast is over—but just know one thing: your obtuse disregard for geometry has been acutely noted. Continue reading →