I pity the fool who doesn’t enjoy cereal power player Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time: a YouTube series jam-packed with more nostalgia and whole grain than that creepy Chuck e. Cheese next to a corn field your parents never let you go to.
Regular Cerealously readers know that I like to do “watch-alongs” as new episodes of this series come out, and now there are two more to share with you. These two episodes are packed with even more ’80s throwbacks than usual, so chug an Ecto-Cooler and hold on to your Dunkaroos, because Gabe’s not messing around. Continue reading →
I know I don’t often dabble in editorial content here on Cerealously, so feel free to ignore this if you’re only here for reviews. I just wanted to finally give a long-form answer to a question I’ve been asked a lot recently:
“What do you think about the future of breakfast cereal?”
There’s little doubt that cereal is at a crossroads. Between an increasingly health-conscious society, claims of “lazy millennial breakfasters,” and longer work hours that require on-the-go meals, it’s becoming harder and harder for some to justify a dazzling rainbow bowl of Froot Loops at 5:00 A.M.
“That’s Life,” I said, doing the world’s worst Frank Sinatra impression in the Kroger breakfast aisle as I gazed upon Quaker’s new Vanilla Life cereal.
“That’s what all the people crunch. You eat it dry in April, with milk in May. But I know I’m gonna change that tune, when it’s all soggy—all soggy in June.”
Okay, now that I’ve gotten all the Weird Al Yankovic out of my system for the day, I can crunch into these brand spankin’ new and vanilla sugar sparklin’ squares.
Though it has a rather subdued box and no mascot ever since Little Mikey grew up and inspired urban legends about Pop Rocks-related deaths, Life Cereal has had many interesting varieties. From 1978’s Raisin Life to 2002’s Apple Life, multiple flavors have went through the “circle of Life,” delighting Mikeys everywhere before their eventual discontinuation.
In recent years, Quaker has stuck to a trilogy of Original, Cinnamon, and Maple Brown Sugar Life. But since Maple Brown Sugar doesn’t appear on the side of my Vanilla Life box, this newbie may have unofficially usurped his syrupy older brother.
You have to taste really good to redeem yourself now, Vanilla Life: I take any insult towards maple syrup as a personal offense. Continue reading →
As I opened my box of Cap’n Crunch’s Orange Creampop Crunch, a frosty symphony played in my head.
Ice cream truck music, the steady drip of melting banana splits, and a chorus of kids groaning at terrible popsicle stick jokes: yes, this was the sound, the smell, and the edible heartbeat of summer itself.
I encourage you all to play this on loop as your read on.
(Update 6/15: I reviewed Cap’n Crunch’s Orange Creampop Crunch here!)
Just looking at this picture makes my tongue melt like a popsicle.
Okay, maybe that’s just drool, but you get the point. We reported back in January that Quaker had filed a trademark application for “Cap’n Crunch’s Orange Creampop Crunch,” and after months of worrying that this was the universe playing some sort of cosmic orange joke, the cereal has finally arrived.
And its box is beautiful. It depicts the Cap’n waving a freshly bitten Creamsicle like a magic wand, leaving a wondrous spectral aura over his cheddar cheese orange Crunch chest pieces.
If you had read that sentence aloud before today, I would have yelled at you for stealing quotes from my fan fiction. But now my fan fiction is a saliva-inducing reality with a soundtrack of ice cream truck music blaring on infinite repeat.
This pic comes to us from Instagram user @keenancamp, so all photography credit is rightfully earned by him (thanks Keenan!). He spotted it at a Jewel Osco store, and since I’ve already heard another reader sighting of Orange Cremepop Crunch at Jewel Osco, I think it’s safe to say that the cereal has started there and will spread nationwide shortly.
The box says limited edition, but let’s all just pray this isn’t a test market cereal. That would suck harder than, well, me with a Creamsicle during. the dog days of summer.
To all readers who would like to see their picture or thoughts featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post, head over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.
Sorry, readers. Cap’n Crunch’s new HomeRun Crunch just has me singing a tune because I love cereal and baseball so much. Oh, don’t get me wrong: I don’t like playing baseball. I have worse coordination skills than a mandatory elementary school choir concert.
But I do like going to baseball games, because it gives me an excuse to eat a hot dog with one hand, a cone of cinnamon almonds with the other, and a second hotdog that I have precariously balanced on the crook of my elbow.
Now thanks to the Cap’n, I can indulge in baseball-themed gluttony without being exposed to natural light, social interactions, and criminally overpriced Dippin’ Dots served from a cheap plastic baseball cap. Continue reading →
(UPDATE 6/8: Orange Creampop Crunch is real, and we reviewed it!)
We’ve had Peanut Butter Crunch. We’ve munched a baker’s dozen bowls of Sprinkled Donut Crunch. Heck, we’ve even consumed an XL, family-sized movie theater tub of Caramel Popcorn Crunch. If Cap’n Crunch has endorsed it, we’ve eaten it.
So what will the Cap’n debut next to bring forth a tidal wave of drool from the hungry whirlpools of our faces? Well, to paraphrase Man of Popsicle, “If it’s Popsicle, it might be possible.”
As some internet sleuths have uncovered, back on November 5th of last year, Quaker filed a trademark application for CAP’N CRUNCH’S ORANGE CREAMPOP CRUNCH. Maybe Cap’n Crunch’s title should be CAPS LOCK-ing Crunch, instead.
From almost any other cereal brand, I’d be concerned about such a zany flavor idea. But since Cap’n Crunch is the same guy who once casually brought us an exploding volcano cereal, I’d trust him even if he debuted “Cap’n Crunch’s Hot Garbage Juice Crunch.”
No word on when (or even if) Cap’n Crunch’s Orange Creampop Crunch will see the light of day, but my guess would be early to mid-summer. And when it does arrive? You’d better believe I’ll have a bowl of melted orange sherbet ready to pour it in.
What do you all think of this possible new flavor?
I bet you expected me to start this review off with a snarky Christmas pun, right? Well to completely subvert your expectations, allow me to pose you a question:
Do you remember that episode of Yu-Gi-Oh where the villainous Maximillion Pegasus traps Yugi’s grandpa in soulless, unmoving card?
Though I’m sure the majority response to my question will be “Of course not: I have better uses for my brain’s real estate than oddly specific memories of early 2000s children’s cartoons,” this reference is appropriate for reviewing 2015’s rendition of Cap’n Crunch’s annual Christmas Crunch offering.
Why?
Because the gosh darn box refuses to change or have any soul!Continue reading →
