Tag Archives: pop-tarts

Review: Frosted Green Apple Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts

As I gaze upon these Green Apple Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts, I must ask: has science gone too far?

A) Yes. Candy and pastries mixing? Next you’ll tell me there are Oil & Water Pop-Tarts.
B) No. Not far enough, actually. I want to see Pop-Tarts flavored Jolly Ranchers.
C) I really don’t care please just stuff neon-dyed dough rectangles into my mouth so I can make my tongue look like a cosmic bowling alley.

I would circle option C, but my hands are too covered in slippery green apple filling to get a grip on a pencil, mouse, or my life.

That’s right: there has been much buzz about Kellogg’s brand new Jolly Ranchers line of Pop-Tarts, which also includes Cherry and Watermelon. Some camps find the idea more nostalgic than spilled Crystal Pepsi in a used record shop, while some would rather drink a Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino through an intra-nasal straw than eat something so potently technicolored.

Me? I’m just happy to be here. I’ll slip past the hype and let the Tarts’ flavors decide their fates. Let’s see if Green Apple is as suckable as its namesake candy, or if it just, well, sucks. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, apple, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. Leave a comment

Apr. ’17

Review: Trader Joe’s Organic Frosted Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Toaster Pastries

Toaster pastry family dynamics are confusing.

Take the Brown Sugar Cinnamons, for example. From Kellogg’s to Kroger, every brand under the toaster oven’s warming sun has a unique take on Brown Sugar Cinnamon, but they all taste different. Sometimes, I like to try connecting each doughy rectangle on an imaginary family tree.

You have the OG pastry, Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart, a sweet and sugary gal who was clearly raised by a “fun parent:” the kind of hyperactive, dad joke-slinging manchild who I aspire to be someday. You have Cinnamon Roll with Brown Sugar Toaster Strudels, who stays cold and aloof in his room until you warm him up and he comes alive. And you have Cinnamon + Brown Sugar Megpie, the plump child who ran away from home to become a barista and eat one too many Starbucks marble loaves during his break.

Now there’s Trader Joe’s new Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Toaster Pastry. He must’ve been raised by the family’s all organic, hippy grandma out west. Just why do I say that? Well let’s ask the quirky quadrilateral himself. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, cinnamon, pop-tarts, trader joe's. 7 Comments

Mar. ’17

News: Kellogg’s New York Pop-Tarts Café is a Doughy Dream Come True

Pop-Tarts milkshakes, burritos, and pizza? Oh yes we did. #PopTartsCafe pic.twitter.com/ml8Zgf9njI

— Pop-Tarts (@PopTartsUS) February 21, 2017

♪ New York, New York: a helluva town. The Bronx is up, and the new café serving blended toaster pastry milkshakes is down! ♪

Sorry if there are any unexpected typos or short circuits in this post. My mouth is watering like Niagara, and my keyboard’s in the splash zone. But how could I not be spilling anticipatory drool by the barrelful when Pop-Tarts keeps tempting us with photos and videos of their Pop-Tarts Café?

Open until March 12th in New York City, this pop-up (pun intended, I’m sure) shop is the spiritual successor to Kellogg’s earlier cereal café. But the Pop-Tarts Café amps up the customization and Wild Berry wackiness far beyond the cereal joint’s wildest dreams. I’d you can’t watch the video above, know that their menu contains: Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: kelloggs, pop-tarts. 2 Comments

Jan. ’17

Review: Frosted Chocolate Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts (DC Comics Villains Edition)

I think I can imagine how the supervillainous plot to release Chocolate Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts originated:

The Joker paces back-and-forth madly in the abandoned Pop-Tart factory he and Lex Luthor are using as a haphazard base of operations. With a cackle, he has a sudden idea.

“I’ve got it, Lex,” the Joker cries. “We’ll kidnap all the world’s Pop-Tarts and smush them together into otherwise nonsensical taste combinations! Just picture it: Watermelon S’Mores Pop-Tarts. Blueberry Root Beer Pop-Tarts. Cookies & Creme PB&J Pop-Tarts. We’ll flood the streets with a hasty pastry army, causing mass confusion and hysteria!”

“But why?” Lex replies.

The Joker chuckles maniacally: “Some men just want to watch the world yearn…for obscurely flavored, impulsively purchased breakfast treats!”

And thus, Chocolate Sugar Cookies Pop-Tarts were born. This flavor combo isn’t really that strange, but when’s the last time you had an actual chocolate sugar cookie? Maybe my cheeks are too stuffed with gingerbread men during December to notice, but compared to snickerdoodles or fruitcake, chocolate sugar cookies seem more like the shiny Pokémon of holiday dessert platters. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, chocolate, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 4 Comments

Dec. ’16

Cerealously Visits the Kellogg’s Archives!

Ever heard the phrase “like a kid in a candy store?” Well you should see a cereal and Pop-Tart blogger in Kellogg’s headquarters.

Earlier this month, I was generously invited to tour Kellogg’s command center in Battle Creek, Michigan. And from the minute I stepped into their twinkling castle of brick and glass, I had to resist every urge to swoon head over heels like a ’50s sitcom romantic.

With a colorful Kellogg’s timeline on the wall, a dedicated Eggo Waffle showcase, a 24-hour cereal bar in full view, and an overhead Snap, Crackle, and Pop banner so large it’d put Citizen Kane to shame, this place was pretty much a cereal Xanadu.

But that was just the beginning: as the kind brand marketer and PR representative who led my tour quickly assured me, I would soon be traveling through Kellogg’s past, as well as its present. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: frosted flakes, kelloggs, pop-tarts, special. 26 Comments

Dec. ’16

Review: Limited Edition Dunkin’ Donuts Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts

We were so close.

When Dunkin’ Donuts announced their partnership with Pop-Tarts, I thought it was a no-brainer that we’d get a Jelly Doughnut Pop-Tart, complete with a fried, yeasty crust and a fruity or custardy filling. But alas, my hopes were squeezed cleanly out of me like a Boston Cream doughnut in an industrial vice grip: instead of any Inception-ed “baked good inside of a baked good” flavor, Kellogg’s and Dunkin’ Donuts gave us Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts and Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts.

We were so close that I nearly leaned out an open window and crooned “we could’ve had it all!” in my best Adele voice.

But I won’t complain, because Chocolate Mocha and Vanilla Latte are pretty darn good consolation prizes. And since I already love Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts enough to consider working them into my annual family Christmas card, Chocolate Mocha will surely make me forget about the world’s cruel lack of Cruller-flavored toaster pastries.

At least I hope so. I’ll keep my emergency Adele wig on standby, just in case. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, chocolate, kelloggs, pop-tarts. 4 Comments

Dec. ’16

Review: Limited Edition Dunkin’ Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts

I firmly believe that everyone has a “spirit Pop-Tart.” A spirit Pop-Tart is the specific toaster pastry flavor that represents you on a personal, philosophical, and even spiritual level. A spirit Pop-Tart has bits of your personality baked into every crumb.

While I love assigning other people spirit Pop-Tarts—like I’m some wise breakfast oracle on a Greek mountaintop—I’ve always got mixed readings on what my spirit Tart is. I like to see myself as a Milk Chocolate Graham Pop-Tart, but others have named me a PB&J Pop-Tart, a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tart, or even a Limited Edition Ice Cream Shoppe Frosted Ice Creme Sandwich Pop-Tart.

I got tired and hungry just typing that last one.

But the second Kellogg’s announced its partnership with Dunkin’ Donuts—wherein the pair would craft not one, but two (the other’s Chocolate Mocha) new Pop-Tarts inspired by coffee beverages—my friends pointed at me with excitedly, confident that I am a Vanilla Latte Pop-Tart!

I don’t know why they say this, exactly: I like to think it’s because I’m sweet and trendy, but it’s probably because I’m always caffeinated and have a hairdo that looks like freshly frothed milk. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Uncategorized. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 9 Comments

Nov. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts (Printed Fun!)

Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts are symbolic of a centuries-old conflict.

See, in the battle for holiday cookie supremacy, gingerbread men and snickerdoodles are the obvious competitors. But as those two vie for kitchen counter dominance—as gingerbread men tragically lose their limbs and as the ‘doodles stop snickering—sugar cookies look on from afar, calm and Buddha-like.

Sugar cookies rarely get media spotlight—after all, they’re not shaped like adorable people or flecked with glittering cinnamon sugar. But sugar cookies are still annual staples for a good reason: they’re reliably delicious, and few would ever dare to debate that, lest they evoke the collective rage of a billion treat-baking grandmas.

This universal appeal is probably what made the late Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch (goodnight, sweet cereal prince) so widely beloved, and it’s what brings “Printed Fun” Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts back to shelves year after year. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, holiday, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 6 Comments