Tag Archives: pop-tarts

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Watermelon Pop-Tarts

Christmas is less than a week behind us. Even though snow is still falling, tacky wreaths are still hanging, and leftover stuffing is still being refrigerated, Kellogg’s just released what might be their summeriest Pop-Tart yet (wait, “summeriest” is really a word? Saying it out loud makes me feel like a kindergartener who got vocabulary lessons from a slurring, drunken pirate).

They’re Frosted Watermelon Pop-Tarts, and even though this flavor existed way back in the ancient 1990s (doesn’t that picture look like something out of a bootleg Zoombinis game?), the nearly two decades between its appearances has nevertheless made this flavor pop up in the headlines of clickbait articles everywhere: “4 INSANE New Pop-Tart Flavors You’d be CLINICALLY INSANE to Try!”

But is it true? Will this flavor have me starring in One Chewed Over the Cuckoo’s Nest? Or will it be no zanier than Wild Grape Pop-Tarts? It’s time to stuff my toaster, stuff my face, and tell you all about this stuff. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 7 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Spookylicious Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts

Like a zombie rising from its grave, the burning hot, neon orange frosted pastry pops out of the toaster. It doesn’t groan, but it does sizzle. And it isn’t hungry to eat brains. No, it wants to be the one that gets eaten!

And I’m happy to oblige. Back again for 2015 are Spookylicious Pop-Tarts. They’re pretty much just regular Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts that have instead been frosted jack-o-lantern orange and sneezed on by some great, sprinkle-spewing monster. Surprisingly, this idea somehow beat out “Fergilicious Pop-Tarts,” which would have been equally scary. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, halloween, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 1 Comment

Oct. ’15

Review: Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts vs. Trader Joe’s Organic Frosted Pumpkin Toaster Pastries

As the toaster pops up, it’s time for two pastries to throw down.

With little cartoon pumpkins spreading throughout grocery store aisles like some sort of vegetable venereal disease, it’s hard to know which products do the orange orb its proper justice. And when you’re 5 minutes late to work in the morning, you certainly don’t have time to philosophically pontificate over the pros and cons of different pumpkin breakfast options (“the frosting on this one really speaks to me, but what would Kierkegaard think?”).

But don’t worry. We’re here to help.

Better than Wrestlemania. Better than a monster truck rally. Better than the World Series, Stanley Cup championship, and Wimbledon all mixed together in a Super Bowl: it’s time for a toaster tart face-off.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, 8 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts, pumpkin, trader joe's. 2 Comments

Aug. ’15

Review: Frosted Blue Raspberry Pop-Tarts

Lower your pitchforks, everyone!

I know: these new Frosted Blue Raspberry Pop-Tarts aren’t cereal! This is heresy! I should be impeached as editor-in-chief of this site and replaced with a candidate who uses fewer parentheses and unnecessary similes (I use as many parentheses as a mathematician doodling emoticons on his master’s thesis)!

But just hear me out. I’ve previously mentioned my love of Pop-Tarts, and I still stand by it. The way I see it, no other snack better embodies the spirit of cereal quite like Pop-Tarts. They have shiny wrappers that make you giddy just looking at them. Their neon frosting and filling aren’t trying to hide for one second the fact that they’re crammed with enough delicious sugar to make an elephant twitch. And best of all, their addictive flavor practically begs you to mow through a stack of them while marathoning re-runs of Full House.

So if the Pope can be an honorary Harlem Globetrotter, Pop-Tarts can be an honorary breakfast cereal. And hey: maybe they’ll even go all the way again someday. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 3 Comments

Jul. ’15

Special: Cerealously Visits the 2015 Cereal City Festival

It was a damp and cloudy Saturday morning. It was that sad type of weather where the clouds are eternally on the cusp of raining, yet it never comes. Essentially, it was the weather equivalent of that “I feel like I’m about to sneeze, but this potential sneeze prefers to tease” experience. In short, it was a far cry from the sunny and pristine childhood Saturdays you typically associate with cereal.

But I wasn’t about to let that dampen my mood, as well. Because it was 6:30am, and it was time to get driving. Why? Because it was the day of the 2015 Cereal City Festival, of course! Hosted every summer by Kellogg’s and Post in their shared city headquarters of Battle Creek, Michigan, the festival is an all-you-can-eat extravaganza celebrating the food which we all love, and which Battle Creek is built on (you can’t prove to me that the soil isn’t Cocoa Pebble dust). Somewhere in Minnesota, General Mills watches with jealousy. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: event, kelloggs, pop-tarts, post. 1 Comment