There are a couple of good (read: mostly lazy) reasons why I don’t review oatmeal on this blog too often.
1. It’s always so hot that I have trouble photographing it without steaming up my camera lens.
2. Oatmeal is such an ugly foodstuff that I have trouble photographing it without emphasizing just how ugly this grain slop really is.
3. I, uh, don’t own a microwave, so I’m forced to just pour hot milk (don’t even suggest water, you puritans) on it and hope for the best, which, in the case of instant oatmeals like Cookie Crisp Oatmeal, which straight up do not recommend my method, ends up invariably leaving me with a bowl of runny (and thus even uglier) mush.
But nevertheless, I endured these struggles for Chip the Wolf’s sake. And thus, here are my thoughts on Cookie Crisp Oatmeal: the good, the bad, and the inevitably ugly. Continue reading →
Extra, extra, cold cereal-flavored hot cereal! Get your cold cereal-flavored hot cereal here! Hot off the cold milk-inspired presses!
Sorry, I just think it’s really funny that oatmeal, despite being a hot cereal by definition, rarely gets treated like one. Sure, I’m partially to blame, since I rarely review oatmeal despite considering it part of my blog’s oeuvre. Why is that? Well, partly because new oatmeals don’t often generate enough buzz or PR for me to notice them, partly because oatmeal is miserably hard to photograph in an attractive light, and partly, honestly, because I tend to be really bad at making it without the whole bowl getting runnier than an Oregon Trail marathon.
That said, General Mills’ new line of oatmeals inspired by some of their most iconic cereals is far too exciting to ignore. Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Trix, and Cocoa Puffs are all getting the hot mush treatment, but so far I’ve only been able to try the last of these. So for now, sit back as I go spoon deep in Sonny’s finest bowl of sweetly swollen oats. Continue reading →
Honestly, I’m starting to think a weird game of telephone went on at General Mills HQ. They heard our continued cries to restore oat flour to their Monster Cereals (which didn’t work), and interpreted it as “people want more cereal-flavored oatmeals!”
But hey, I’m not complaining—because it finally gives me a chance to talk about hot cereal on this site, which I coldly and rarely do, despite claiming to be a blog for all cereal. As you can see in the above image, posted this week by General Mills, there are a number of releases we already knew about, plus some surprises. Namely, Lucky Charms Oatmeal and Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal (both of which have previously released as Canadian exclusives), plus new Cocoa Puffs Oatmeal and Trix Oatmeal. If I had to guess, I’d predict Cocoa Puffs will be the standout star, as chocolate tends to infuse beautifully into oatmeal—especially when you toss in some chocolate chips that melt into lovely little landmines.
Also of note here is the return of Team Cheerios. This stuff first debuted way back in 1996 to support the U.S. Olympian team, but it stuck around for a few years after as a Wheaties-esque celebration of all things athletic. Interestingly enough, despite the cereals discontinuation, you’ve always technically been able to enjoy the stuff, provided you’re willing to invest in a 96-count box of Team Cheerios Strawberry Cereal Bars.
However, while the original Team Cheerios combined regular, Multigrain, and Frosted Cheerios with an added brown sugar booster, 2021’s reunion is “Frosted Berry” flavored, which I would guess means these are a sweeter version of Very Berry Cheerios. Either way, I’m skipping the milk and eating these with Gatorade for peak performance.
See, I often claim that this is a blog about “cereal, Pop-Tarts, and oatmeal,” but I haven’t written a word about oatmeal since mid-2018—let alone other hot cereals. Sorry, Cream of Wheat, but I just don’t think we’re going to work out.
There are a couple reasons for my oatmeal abstinence. Logistically, I both don’t hear about new oatmeals often, plus in the breakfast aisle it’s way harder to notice new oatmeal varieties, since brands like Quaker will use the same box design with small element swaps.
But more importantly, I simply can’t get as excited about new strains of oatmeal as I can about new cereals. Oatmeal just lacks the crunch, potency, and childlike goofiness that makes cereal so fun—and don’t even get me started on how hard it is to take an attractive picture of beige mush. Like a school photographer, I find myself grimacing through the steamed-up lens, thinking “Oh. Great. You’re looking, so…eager,” as my oatmeal slogs its way through the $100 picture package its parents paid for.
Aesthetic tepidity aside, oatmeal is back in a sleek and minimalistic way with these RX A.M. Oats cups. Armed with four cutely cupped flavors—Chocolate, Apple Cinnamon, Maple, and Vanilla Almond—I’m here to take some moist glamour shots and see if these high-protein, low-ingredient cups can stand oat-to-oat with the feeble Quaker guy and his flimsy packets. Continue reading →
Who is the world’s most prolific artist? Paul McCartney? Phish? Viper?
Wrong.
It’s the Dame Diminutive Deborah, better known as Little Debbie. Not counting seasonal specialties like Christmas Tree Brownies, Football Brownies, Easter Egg Brownies and every other merrily malformed hunk of brownie batter, Little Debbie currently produces 47 different snacks. I’d guess the average person could only name a handful—the likes of Zebra Cakes, Star Crunch, Swiss Rolls and Cosmic Brownies—while grease-loving gas station regulars (picture me raising my own slick mitts as identification) could probably tell you about deeper cuts like Donut Sticks, Fudge Rounds, and Pecan Spinwheels.
Despite this sprawling cake-ography, when it came time for Kellogg’s and Little Debbie to drop a cereal, there was likely no doubt about which bite would join the breakfast bowl. None of the snacks I’ve listed even come close to the sugar-sandwiched icon that is the Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie. And I’m not just saying that because I grew up making my own double-decker Oatmeal Creme Pies (DIY is better: the official double-D OCPs are just a clever way to cut out half of the moist cookie middlin’).
No, an Oatmeal Creme Pie cereal has been a no-brainer for years. But now that it’s finally happened, can Little Debbie’s milk & spoon debut live up to decades of vacuum-sealed hype? Let’s unwrap Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal from the top. Continue reading →
UPDATE: Shortly after posting this, Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal has been CONFIRMED for a December release by Kellogg’s! No word on Cosmic Brownies yet.
UPDATE 2: Kellogg’s has told me that Cosmic Brownies Cereal “is not launching at this time.” Whether this means it’s been scrapped entirely remains unclear.
Get out of my brain, Big Cereal! Good ideas don’t come ’round too often in this noggin of mine, so I can’t have you siphoning ’em off like a milk-blooded facehugger.
Okay fine, it doesn’t take a particularly ingenious synapse-firing to realize a Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie Cereal would be a great idea, but given the number of times I’ve referenced the iconic snack cake on this breakfast-centric blog, I at least deserve fringe kudos for keeping the things prominent in our toothsome zeitgeist.
That said, this rumor is an interesting one—it starts with a YouTube video detailing not only a leaked Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal, but a Cosmic Brownies Cereal, too.
Now, there’s plenty to be skeptical about here. For one, finding evidence of any ongoing relationship between Little Debbie and Kellogg’s is difficult, beyond product recalls from a decade ago claiming Kellogg’s manufactured some snack cracker products for Little Debbie’s parent company McKee Foods. But if Post could cozy up with Hostess, it wouldn’t surprise me to see competitor Kellogg’s seize the chance to partner with the next largest snack cake company. At the same time, with no box art (or rainbow sprinkles!) for Cosmic Brownies Cereal, one could reasonably argue that the cereal pictured is just the similar-looking Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch.
But luckily, just this morning I got an inside scoop from a retail worker who saw the UPC for a Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal in their store’s product order catalogue. They were quick to note, though, that said catalogue also included listings for long-gone releases like Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy, so while all signs point to an imminent release of these two Little Debbie cereals, I can’t confirm them with 100% certainty just yet.
Regardless, my hype is has reached the height of three-to-four dozen double-decker Oatmeal Creme Pies, so I’m going to be reciting silent prayers to goad these leaks into a realized retail birth—especially if the OCP Cereal debuts with a vengeful amount of oat flour. What do you think? Legit or no? Feel free to sound off in the comments below.
Sure, peanut butter & honey might not be that strange, but compared to those square food pairs—PB&J, Chocolate & Peanut Butter, Chocolate Strawberry: you know I love you, but it’s been done, mate—PB&H belong more with other alt combos like Banana Maple, Raisin Walnut & Honey, or Coconut & Caramel.
Hey, I guess Quaker Oats is pretty good at this. I predict if oatmeal flavor permeations are going to keep up this rate of release, we’ll see a flavor like this mutate into Peanut Butter & Pickle Oatmeal by 2020.
But until then, let’s dive into a piping hot bowl of freshly microwaved Honey Butters & Oats. Continue reading →
Debuting like a crossover Oatmeal x Power Rangers trio of color-coded flavors that, while they may not be nougaty, still look like Three Tempting Muskateers.
I spotted these at Walmart, and I think they were shelved in the correct order of most to least exciting. Peanut Butter & Banana sounds like a Gracelandic delight, but I’ve observed that steaming hot banana flavoring tends to get unreliable when interacting with oats.
And Coconut & Caramel? That’s just slightly obscure enough of a flavor pairing that I can’t even appetizingly wrap my mind’s tongue around it.
But peanut butter & honey? That’s just slightly overindulgent enough to leave my inner child—who has a fondness for maple syrup & peanut butter sandwiches, of all things—fuelin’ up my microwave for an alt-nostalgic marathon.
Which flavor are you most excited for? Feel free to share in the comments. And if you’ve seen some cool new cereal finds while shopping, shoot them over to our Submissions page!
