I’ll just say it: Count Chocula and Franken Berry don’t understand Halloween. Fun-sized Snickers and whimsical apple-Roberting aside, the holiday is supposed to be scary: slashers, head bashers, teeth gnashers and all that heebie-jeebie jazz.

Yet this toothsome twosome is hawking us Pillsbury shaped sugar cookie dough that’s safe to eat raw? Where’s the danger? The thrill? Risking salmonella is half the fun—I mean, at least throw a couple loose jagged metal shavings into the mix, keep it interesting. Some eccentric bug larvae, or mutagenic research chemicals, maybe.

Oh well, I guess I’ll have to manufacture my own danger by eating these aw shucks sugar pucks fresh out of the oven, while they’re still monstrously molten. Continue reading →