Tag Archives: non cereal

News: Fruity Cereal Kit-Kats

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Help me settle an argument real quick: what’s better, cereal-flavored things or thing-flavored cereal? Though this site was founded on the latter, as time goes on I find myself drawn to obscure cereal infusions outside the breakfast aisle. See, even in the best case scenario, any hypothetical Kit-Kat cereal would be good, but it can only be so good as a grain-based milk intermingler.  No one expects cereal to taste as decadent as a candy bar, so what should we expect from Fruity Cereal Kit-Kats? The entire tongue-popping essence of a full box of Froot Loops, refined and folded into an intimidating Kit-Katana?

It’s hard to say—especially without knowing whether the supposed Froot Loopiness is present in the chocolate or just the wafered innards—but we’ll have a good amount of time to speculate. As junkfoodleaks_ mentions in the above, well, junk food leak, these are due out around a year from now.

What other cereals might make a good candy bar? And vice-versa? If Kellogg’s makes a Kit-Kat Cereal and Kit-Kat then makes a Kit-Kat Cereal Kit-Kat, will that Kit-Kat feel remorseful for stuffing itself with its recycled kin? Such questions may haunt us for years after the next.

Spooned & Spotted: Froot Loops Ice Pops

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Forget that meme about everything being cake—real experts of goofy geology know that using a hot spork to go one layer deeper reveals that everything, from your memoirs to your boudoir, is really made of Froot Loop. 

Your doughnuts? Froot Loops.
Your ice cream? That’s Froot Loops.
Those heirloom Peeps Pops you hold so dear? Live, laugh, Loop.

As Kellogg’s has apparently perfected the alchemy required to infuse Froot Loopian essence into any state of matter, the unexpected debut of Froot Loops Ice Pops felt less like a surprise and more like an, “I guess.”  Instagram food-finder i_need_a_snack_ spotted these technicolored treats at Dollar General, and in true Froot Loops form, the Pops come in a whole rainbow of identical flavors. A little disappointing, especially now that we know what a leveled-up Froot Loops can do when it expands its fruitful loom, but maybe we can hope for a Froot Loops Ice Pop DLC update in the near future.

But hey, I guess if these don’t work out in popsicle’d form, I could always let them melt into a HydroFlask.

Review: Appletastic Pop-Tarts Crisps

New Appletastic Pop-Tarts Crisps Box Review

Thins. Crisps. Lite Snacks. Husks. Narrowed, flattened, and otherwise vaguely “healthified” versions of popular junk food flavors go by many names, but they share one constant: they’re never better than the originals, though one could hardly expect them to. At best, they make the toothsome tastes they’ve inherited more lithe and mobile.

I’m not sure whether portion size or convenience was the primary genesis behind Pop-Tarts Crisps—or perhaps it was heritage?—but thus far, we’ve seen three flavors of the little pastry planks hit shelves, each more okay-ish-er than the last. Now with Appletastic Pop-Tarts Crisps landing out of left field, Pop-Tarts has made the conspicuous decision to not only drop another fruity Crisps flavor, but to also make it one that’s no longer even part of the main Pop-Tart cast. While Pop-Tarts Bites have at least made noble efforts to expand the taste profile of its line’s spotlit flavors, I have to wonder whether these will be Appletastic enough to make up for not being S’Mores Pop-Tarts Crisps.

But no more blabbing: it’s time to go bobbing! Continue reading

News (Canada): Tim Hortons Froot Loops Dream Donut

New Tim Hortons Froot Loops Dream Donut

Oh, I once had a dream about a donut, alright. It was the size of two Gateway Arches and had the auto-cannibalistic serpent’s head of a dough-roboros. The thing started spinning toward me like Sonic the Hedgehog, launching sprinkled shrapnel all across the Windows XP wallpaper I’d been having lunch on, and I only managed to flee by rolling down a rollicking green hill. The dream donut launched off the hill and into the sun, exploding into a yeasty meteor shower.

So yeah, Tim Hortons: any chance you could make that one?

For those who have been sleeping under a rock-hard stale cruller all year, Tim Hortons has been testing a number of experimental donut flavors in their Innovation Café and across Canada. And while the likes of Chocolate Truffle and Dulce de Leche have had some pretty crumby reviews, the latest flavor debuting in both whole-nut and Timbit form is sure to pique any cereal blog reader’s interest.

Tim Hortons Froot Loops Dream Donuts pair a pink-glazed and white-iced donut with a whole handful’s worth of Froot Loops pieces themselves—pieces that can be pummeled to smithereens and stuck to a Timbit, too. Unfortunately, if the comparatively natural colors of these foreign Froot Loops are any indication, FL Dream Donuts are likely to be Canada-exclusive for the foreseeable future. This means it’s also very unlikely that I’ll be able to do a full review of these baked treats, but other reviewers have already done the sticky work for us, if you want to know how the taste stacks up:

Personally, I’m hesitant about any cereal dessert that includes full-sized pieces, as they often end up tasting extremely stale. But if you live near a participating Canadian Tim Hortons, let me know whether these Froot Loops Donuts made your dreams come true—or if they chased you nightmarishly into the Hudson Bay.

Review: Good Humor Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts Ice Cream Bars

Good Humor Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts Ice Cream Bars Review Box

Since the first Pop-Tart was piped full of sweet goo and flapped over like an Agatha Crispy book…since that first Pop-Tart thwapped out of the toaster with enough velocity to spook the family dog two feet into the air…and since the first celestially blessed starchild opened a Pop-Tart pouch to find three inside instead of two…I’ve been on this blog, prolonging the intro to an ice cream review like it’s an SAT essay to delay the inevitable post-lactose malaise of eating it.

And right on schedule, here I am: with a Good Humor Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart bar sitting lusterlessly on a plate before me. Clearly just palette swapping the Strawberry Shortcake bars that are perhaps Good Humor’s most iconic, these Pop-Tarts bars bring the other most beloved toaster pastry flavor into the chilled spotlight of the freezer aisle.

Alright, I’ve made peace with myself and my god, and am ready to plunge deep into dire dairy digestive disarray—yes, I use alliteration as a coping mechanism. Continue reading

Review: Bones Electric Unicorn Fruity Cereal Coffee

Bones Electric Unicorn Fruity Cereal Coffee Review Bag

As much as I love cereal, it’s hardly a heartwarmer. On rainy days such as these, when the air is thick with mossy malaise and the rooftop drums in staccato spurts, a chilly lightning bolt of sugary milkiness straight to the gut isn’t as satisfying as a deep glug of hot coffee—the kind that blossoms in your belly like a rollicking rafflesia. Well, minus the corpse stench, of course.

I’ve long been a religious coffee drinker for such reasons of inner immolation, and while I’ve reviewed my fair share of cereal-flavored coffee creamers, never once could I even conceive that there’d be straight-up cereal-steeped coffee beans. That was until Empty Bowl listener Tasha tipped me off about Bones Coffee—a company known for outlandish small-batch coffee flavors like PB&J or Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream—and their Electric Unicorn blend. Not a new flavor but a recently reformulated one, Electric Unicorn coffee is said to be flavored like fruity cereal. As this is a nebulous bit of nomenclature that could refer to anything from Froot Loops to Raisin Bran (technically), I felt it was up to me to find out whether these beans live up to the brouhaha behind them. Continue reading

Quick(ish) Review: SpongeBob Sea Berry Pop-Tarts

SpongeBob Sea Berry Pop-Tarts Review Box

When you get right down to the rock bottom of it, there are really only two types of Pop-Tarts people: People who like fruity Pop-Tarts and those who prefer Chocolate Pop-Tarts. Yes, there some Pop-Tarts that can’t be easily sorted onto this continuum, but with the exception of fan-flavor-ite Brown Sugar Cinnamon (which really should be considered a member of the extended “brown sweetness” family alongside Cousin Chocolate), I can’t think of any Pop-Tart flavors beyond the choco-fruit binary that have a significant fan following. Yes, this includes Confetti Cupcake. And no, this doesn’t and in fact can’t include The Chosen One.

It was supposed to bring balance, which is why Kellogg’s destroyed it.

Long story short, I’m a chocolate Pop-Tart kind of guy. Chocolate Chip is probably my favorite of the O.G.s, while Milk Chocolate Graham forever has my heart for evicting that freeloading marshmallow from S’Mores Pop-Tarts. Yeah, I said it.

This is why, though I love classic Strawberry Pop-Tarts, I don’t think the likes of Blueberry, Cherry, and Raspberry—the latter of which I can’t remember ever having eaten more than once or twice. When Kellogg’s first tried to re-skin Raspberry Pop-Tarts as Spidey Berry Pop-Tarts, I gave them a pass. But now that Spidey Berries have been mashed en masse to produce an ocean’s worth of SpongeBob’s Sea Berries, I figured it was fate telling me to give the flavor another shot—or else the next time they came back it’d be as Beetle Juicy Pop-Tarts. Continue reading

News: Wienerschnitzel Froot Loops Ice Cream & Shake

Wienerschnitzel Froot Loops Ice Cream & Shake

What is hotdog water, but the cereal endmilk of boiled meat byproduct?

I’ll be frank, I’ve never been to a Wienerschnitzel restaurant before, and after a cursory perusal of their website and its liberal use of phrases like “World’s Most Wanted Wiener” and “#WienerFam,” I’m confident I haven’t missed much. But since the nearest one is a whole state over, I am a bit bummed I won’t be able to try the franchise’s new cereal-infused confections—unless an Illinois-based reader can chuck a perfect-spiral Froot Loops Dipped Cone across the border.

“For a limited time, enjoy a sweet Wienerschnitzel Dipped Cone or Shake bursting with the fruity flavor of Froot Loops cereal,” the release for this partnership reads. While Burger King has already set a strong precedent for fast food Froot Loops shakes, the cone in question captures my interest thanks to its supple swirls and near gravity-defying chunklets of studded Froot Loop. In the midst of dine-in closures everywhere, Wienerschnitzel is vocally proud to offer both these treats through their drive-thru—we can only hope that no window worker is subjected to cabin fever-induced regressions to middle-school ‘pranks’ like cone-ing.

Since I won’t be able to, if you try either of these items, let me know what you think in the comments below or on Twitter. I’ll just be up here, wiener-less in the Mitten, wondering if this means we’ll get savory Froot Links cereal next.