Tag Archives: non cereal

Review: Baskin-Robbins Oreo Milk ‘n Cereal Ice Cream

Anyone who’s read this site or received a sobbing 3:00A.M. voicemail from me knows that I really, really miss Oreo O’s. During the early 2000s, those cookies ‘n’ creme flavored O’s were as meaningful to me as wedding rings. But then they were tragically discontinued, leaving me to “Extreme Cry” over their discontinued “Extreme Creme Taste.”

So you can understand why my ears perked up when I heard that Baskin Robbins’ August flavor of the month puts the words “Oreo” and “Cereal” in the same sentence.

Alas, Baskin-Robbins Oreo Milk ‘n Cereal Ice Cream has nothing to do with Oreo O’s, though it does sound interesting. It combines cereal milk-flavored ice cream with Oreo chunks, frosted corn flake cereal pieces, and a frosted corn flake swirl. We all know that “frosted corn flake cereal pieces” is generic marketing speak for Frosted Flakes, but I just think it’s funny that by adding in the word “corn,” Baskin-Robbins can avoid—to paraphrase a certain jungle cat—”a legal GRRRRey area!”

Let’s pounce into a scoop, shall we? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, frosted flakes, non cereal. 8 Comments

Aug. ’16

Review: Coffee Nut M&M’s (Flavor Vote Winner)

You probably don’t need to be reminded that this U.S. presidential election is already nuts.

So why don’t we just elect a bag of Coffee Nut M&M’s into the Oval Office, instead?

I mean, just look at them: they have perky energy, calm suaveness from their muted earth tones, and they understand the youth vote’s fascination with trendy caffeine ‘n’ sugar beverages. And I promise: unlike the two candidates who will be on ballots this November, Coffee Nut M&M’s won’t get into a petty flame war on Twitter.

Not to mention the fact that they have prior political experience. If you remember earlier this March, Mars Candy hosted an M&M’s “flavor vote election,” pitting Coffee Nut M&M’s against Chili Nut M&M’s and fan-favorite Honey Nut M&M’s.

Okay fine: Honey Nut was just a Dan-favorite.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGJbW9XjQFo

It turns out that Coffee Nut was America’s favorite, and as part of its victory rally, it will be staying on grocery store shelves and in my stomach from here on out. To celebrate President Coffee Nut’s win, I’m going to proudly shake his hand—by which I mean I’m going to shamefully shake the entire contents of his pouch into my own hand.

Because despite what the new Coffee Nut M&M’s packaging says, I refuse to share. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, coffee, non cereal. 3 Comments

Jul. ’16

Review: Starbucks “Pop-Tarts” — Cinnamon + Brown Sugar Megpie

Despite what you may have seen or heard, this isn’t an actual Starbucks Pop-Tart. It isn’t a Starbucks Toaster Strudel, either. And it certainly is not a Starbucks Magpie, since i’m pretty sure the coffee chain’s aviary license expired decades ago.

No, Starbucks’ latest sugary coffee companions are the invention of New York baker Meghan Ritchie, and they’re called Megpies. More specifically, they are “artisan tarts,” which Google Translate claims is hipster-speak for “please don’t shame me as I dip this double-decker Pop-Tart into my Cotton Candy Frappuccino and accidentally spill some on my portable typewriter.”

Individually wrapped and sold next to the register, these all-natural Megpies come in strawberry and cinnamon + brown sugar. I can only assume this is a non-sugar coated (but still literally sugar coated) attempt to mimic Pop-Tarts’ two most popular flavors: Frosted Strawberry and Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon.

Since I’ve eaten enough Tiny Toast cereal this summer to give myself a not-so-tiny bloat, I decided to give the berries a break this time and give in to Cinnamon + Brown Sugar’s spicy temptation.

Oh, and if you’re wondering why I didn’t try one of each, it’s because these Totally Not Pop-Tarts will run you back $3.95 a pop, which is indeed more than the cost of a 16-count Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart box. That’s fine, Starbucks, as long as this Megpie has few shares of Google stock buried in its gooey innards. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cinnamon, non cereal, pop-tarts. 15 Comments

Jul. ’16

Review: Kirkland Signature Nature’s Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola with Almonds

I was once content with being a mere granola observer. But thanks to Nature’s Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola, I’m a believer.

You see, I used to view granola as cereal’s athletic and beefy older sibling. While cereal and I were happy crashing on the couch with a bowlful of technicolor sugar whirlpools, granola was climbing mountains of Greek yogurt and swimming in protein shakes. I never hated granola for being more active than me, but you better believe I turned up the volume on The Price is Right when he walked into the room.

But all that has changed. After a failed search for Sam’s Club’s economy-sized boxes of Multigrain Cheerios + Ancient Grains, I braved Costco instead for something to satisfy my ancient yearnings. And despite sounding like the premise of another Scorpion King sequel (they made five of those movies?), that Costco quest led me to this epiphanic tweet:

It's 1:32 A.M. and I just ate the greatest granola of my life. More to come on this soon…

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) July 14, 2016

Allow me to fulfill that promise of “more to come.” Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, almond, cinnamon, granola, kirkland, nature's path, non cereal. 8 Comments

Jun. ’16

Review: Limited Edition Fruity Crisp Oreo Cookies

Cereal-stuffed, Fruity Pebble Oreos, baby!

Right, right: Nabisco’s new Fruity Crisp Oreos aren’t officially licensed Fruity Pebbles cookies, nor do they even say the word “cereal” on the front. But we all know “Fun, colorful rice crisps” is just Oreo’s way of keeping Fred and Barney from filing a lawsuit.

It’s like how Kellogg’s has “Cookies & Creme” Pop-Tarts, even though everyone and their cookie-dunking grandma calls them Oreo Pop-Tarts. In the eyes of me and Granny Cerealously, these are Fruity Pebble Oreos, so I’m going to review them like they’re cereal in circular, processed cookie form. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, fruity, non cereal, pebbles. 5 Comments

May. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Crush Orange Pop-Tarts

I wish Kellogg’s two new “Soda-licious” Pop-Tarts (Crush Orange and A&W Root Beer) were released in 2020.

Why?

Because that’s when the new Godzilla vs. Kong film is set to debut, and these two flavors would be the perfect movie tie-in. I can see it now: Kong’s Gorilla Sarsaparilla Pop-Tarts vs. Godzilla’s Atomic Crush Orange Pop-Tarts.

Batman vs. Superman, eat your hearts out.

That “Atomic” label is especially appropriate, because as I quickly found out when eating these toaster pastries, Kellogg’s didn’t just go orange. They went explosively radioactive orange. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 3 Comments

May. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted A&W Root Beer Pop-Tarts

I’m glad I’m finally mature and intelligent enough to eat Kellogg’s new “Soda-Licious” A&W Root Beer Pop-Tarts.

Back when I was a kid, I never drank root beer without parental supervision. See, opening the fridge and seeing the word “beer” would immediately fill me with fear that I’d get clobbered for having accidentally sipped some forbidden alcoholic elixir.

Of course, I can laugh at my childhood illiteracy now, just like how I laugh at my dumb childhood self for eating the brown paper layers on Reese’s Cups. I didn’t know they were there, I swear!

Now it’s time to redeem myself by eating far too many artificially root beer-flavored, frosted and sprinkled sugar rectangles. Because everyone knows the best kind of redemption ends in a shameful food coma. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. Leave a comment

Apr. ’16

Review: Madagascar Cookie Dough-licious Oatmeal from MOM Brands

Confession time: I am an absolute cookie dough warrior.

I don’t even like baked chocolate chip cookies that much (oatmeal raisin has my heart), because I’d much rather eat an entire bowl of raw, doughy goodness than watch it all go to waste in an oven.

If I’m killed by salmonella some day, then you’ll know I died happy.

That’s why it saddens me to see virtually zero chocolate chip cookie dough representation in the cereal aisle. Sure, we have Cookie Crisp, but until General Mills creates a “Dough Ball Crisp” spin-off flavor, I won’t be satisfied.

Thankfully, oatmeal has Doughboys like me covered. As part of MOM (aka Malt-O-Meal) Brands’ recent Dreamworks movie revitalization line, we have Cookie Dough-licious oatmeal. This Madagascar branded oatmeal is one of three Dreamworks flavors, alongside Shrek‘s Ogre Apple Cinnamon and How to Train Your Dragon‘s Dragonberry.

Shrek’s too big of a meme, Dragonberry doesn’t actually contain any dragonfruit, and Madagascar already impressed me with its s’mores cereal, so it was a no brainer that I should pick this oatmeal over the others.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, malt-o-meal, movie cereals, non cereal, oatmeal. 2 Comments