Tag Archives: non cereal

Review: Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal

I’m 3 packets deep into my box of Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal, yet I can’t stop thinking about Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

Maybe I’m crazy, or maybe this is actually some grand, Illuminati-level conspiracy between Trader Joe and Cheesasaurus Rex, but every bite of TJ’s soft, sopping, and starchy Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal tastes like mashed-up mac noodles bathed in an autumnal, earthy pumpkin sauce.

Yep, I’m definitely crazy. But before you lock me up in the nuthouse, my pinwheeling legs kicking and my oatmeal-specked mouth screaming “But it ain’t easy being cheesy! It ain’t, I tell you!” as the bars clang shut, let me rewind this whole pumpkin oatmeal snafu. Because despite my nutty introduction, there’s a lot to love about this nutty breakfast. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, non cereal, oatmeal, pecan, pumpkin, trader joe's. 1 Comment

Oct. ’16

Review: Erewhon Simply Vanilla Granola

Another day, another free granola sample from Attune Foods that I’ll happily review because it means I didn’t have to pay for my own breakfast. But as usual, receiving my morning meal via USPS doesn’t mean that I’ll be pulling any punches or crunches when taste testing.

I accept all free samples, but I give no free rides.

Today’s spotlighted spoonful is Simply Vanilla Granola. With its abbreviated ingredient list, highlighted organic and gluten-free promises, and stout packaging design, this granola really wants to appear simple. It’s a lot like me: I spend a lot of time convincing people I’m a man of simple pleasures, when in reality I have a .txt file of “cool cereal adjectives” saved to my desktop.

Let’s see if Simply Vanilla Granola earns any of those effervescently grandiose adjectives. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, attune foods, erewhon, granola, non cereal, vanilla. 2 Comments

Sep. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Frosted Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts

I’ve never considered bobbing for Pop-Tarts before, but after trying Kellogg’s new Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts, I’m ready to fill a 19th century wooden bucket with water and pastries and dive in headfirst.

But before I take my triumphant Olympian plunge, let’s set the stage.

After years of dominance, pumpkin spice is starting to lose its novelty. There are only so many things you can cram ginger and nutmeg into. So like an autumnal retelling of Star Wars, apple-flavored snacks have started a quiet rebellion against the Pumpkin Empire. And I like to think that Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts are their heroic Luke Skywalker.

Luke Apple Piewalker has quite the origin story, too. While these Tarts were only formally announced about two months ago, we first leaked an early release image of them way back in April. Back then, searching for “caramel apple pop-tarts” just made Google think you were drunk.

I wondered whether these neon-squiggled rectangles would ever see the light of day, but I’m happy to say that they have. And now they’ll get to see the warming light of my toaster, too. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, apple, caramel, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 3 Comments

Sep. ’16

Review: Trader Joe’s “this pumpkin walks into a bar…” Cereal Bars

“They’re called cereal bars, okay? It says it right on the box! I promise, I am not a monster!” I shout to the non-existent critics who haunt my nightmares and claim that my breakfast cereal blog has strayed too far from its flaky roots.

I’m not going to feel bad about reviewing Trader Joe’s conversationally named “this pumpkin walks into a bar…” pumpkin breakfast bars, because A) It’s the witching season so there are no rules and B) I already reviewed these bars’ little brother, Pumpkin Spice Nutri-Grain bars, so I want to compare the pair.

Note: I call Pumpkin Spice Nutri-Grain the little brother not just because TJ’s bars have existed longer, but also because of each bar’s respective aesthetic. Trader Joe’s pumpkin bars seem like the hippy college student who dropped out to join the Peace Corps, while Nutri-Grain bars feel like the 1st grader who’s still making fuzzy spiders out of pipe cleaner pieces.

While you digest that mental image, I’ll start digesting this “this pumpkin walks into a bar…” bar. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, breakfast bars, non cereal, pumpkin, trader joe's. 7 Comments

Sep. ’16

Review: Quaker Breakfast Flats Golden Raisin Cinnamon Breakfast Bars

“Gimme a fat stack of phat Breakfast Flats, STAT!”

Now that Quaker’s new-for-2016 Breakfast Flats—which come in Cranberry Almond, Banana Honey Nut, and Golden Raisin Cinnamon—are on shelves, you probably hear that phrase around all the time.

Or more likely, you’ve probably never heard it, since I just made it up. Plus, no one has used the word “phat” since the Taft administration. He was the raddest, coolest president, after all.

All William Howards aside, a fat stack of 3 plastic-wrapped Golden Raisin Cinnamon breakfast bars sits in front of me. Full disclosure: the main reason I’m reviewing these is because my loving grandmother gave them to me as a thoughtful gift, knowing how much I love Raisin Bran.

So this one’s for you, Grandma. Time to make you proud by photographing sticky glazed raisin rectangles. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, breakfast bars, cinnamon, non cereal, quaker, raisin. Leave a comment

Sep. ’16

Review: Quaker Banana Bonanza Oatmeal and Blueberry Bash Oatmeal

Quick: pretend you’re in 4th grade and it’s lunch time. You sit down at an uncomfortable wooden table, and tear open your hyper-crinkly brown bag while you wait for your friends to come back from the hot lunch line with their spicy chicken sandwiches and Bosco breadsticks.

You’re more than a little jealous of them, but you know Mom had to have packed you something good. So what’s the main course? Ham and cheese on rye? Leftover chow mein from China Kingdom down the road?

Both guesses are wrong. In an attempt to get you eating healthy, Mom packed Quaker’s newest instant oatmeal cup flavors: Banana Bonanza and Blueberry Bash.

But are these oatmeal cones worth trudging over to the school’s vintage, pizza sauce-stained microwave for? Or should you trade them like edible Pokémon cards and try to game Billy out of his Ziploc full of Oreos?

Those are the existential questions I hope to answer.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, 7 rating, banana, blueberry, non cereal, oatmeal, quaker. Leave a comment

Aug. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Nutri-Grain Bars

I’ve never once eaten a Nutri-Grain bar for breakfast. So why is my breakfast blog reviewing these new Pumpkin Spice Nutri-Grain bars?

Well first, the box does call them “breakfast bars.” And second, they’re listed as “Limited Batch,” which is a much cuter, more exclusive, and more alluring term than “Limited Edition.” But most of all, Nutri-Grain bars hold a special, nostalgic place in my heart.

Seriously: whenever I have one of these miniature, flaky fruit burritos, I’m transported back to elementary school snack time. Even if I just smell a Nutri-Grain bar, my brain instinctively imagines the subtle odor of Crayola crayons in the background.

(Kindergarten me didn’t mess around with RoseArt.)

So because of my wistful relationship with Nutri-Grain “breakfast” bars, I’ve long wanted to review them on this site. And what better way to start than with Kellogg’s Pumpkin Spice Nutri-Grain bars, which are brand new for 2016?

I hope somebody brought the orange crayons. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: breakfast bars, kelloggs, non cereal, nutri-grain, pumpkin. 3 Comments

Aug. ’16

Guest Review: Country Style Cinnamon Toast Crunch Doughnut

Jeffrey Scott aka the Junk Food Dog here for Cerealously, in the great white north of Canada (I’m actually 15 minutes from Detroit, MI in Tecumseh, Ontario).

I was asked to review a new doughnut from a Canadian donut & coffee chain: Country Style. Seeing how there was one only 45 minutes from home, I went on a wild goose chase for Country Style’s NEW Cinnamon Toast Crunch Doughnut. This new doughnut features their cake doughnut filled (and topped) with cream cheese icing and sprinkled with Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. Continue reading →

Posted by jeffrey s.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: general mills, non cereal, toast crunch. 3 Comments