Crayon eaters rejoice!
No longer need you get up early to prepare a full meal of scrambled marigolds and sizzling tickled pinks, served with a side of burnt sienna toast. Kellogg’s & Crayola are making it easier than ever to consume crayons for breakfast with an upcoming cereal flavored like Jazzberries. What does a Jazzberry taste like, you might ask? Well, I think they grow on vines that spring from the decomposed fibers of discarded Jazz solo cups. You know the ones.
As the fruit born of such a distinguished plant species, Jazzberries therefore have much expected of them. When I astral project the aesthetic of Jazz solo cups onto my taste buds, they taste like half-melted blue raspberry ICEEs and grape Kool-Aid. Perhaps this is a bit too puckering of a flavor profile to expect of a licensed cereal, so in reality Crayola Jazzberry cereal will probably taste like Caticorn cereal or Llama Loops. Which is to say, bad.
While that is a pretty grim prognosis for Jazzberry cereal’s potential, it’s also pretty realistic. Who knows, though: Crayola made a smart move with Jazzberry cereal’s color-able box—not just because of the fun value, but also the box design’s intense contrast of white to sharp saturation. This will no-doubt catch the eyes of many children in the cereal aisle, upping Jazzberry’s impulse buy appeal.
Pretty tricky, but at least it’s original. Whether or not the flavor will hold up to the same avant garde scrutiny is another story. Crayola Jazzberry cereal is already listed on Walmart and Meijer’s websites, and while they don’t have details or availability yet, they’re likely to drop within a month or so.
What’s your favorite crayon, by the way? I’m a sucker for good ol’ blue-green.
