Tag Archives: news

13

May. ’21

News: Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolate Caramel Crunch + Churro Bites!

New Cap'n Crunch Chocolate Caramel Crunch Cereal Box

Cap’n Horatio Magellan Crunch is a weird guy. In fact, I once wrote an op-ed about how the Cap’n is one of the last remaining bastions of cereal’s ’80s & ’90s golden era, back when off-the-wall breakfast gimmicks were a dime a chocolate-coated dozen. While other cereal brands were trying to remove artificial ingredients and promote active, on-the-go mealtimes, Cap’n Crunch was still wack-adaisically dropping Creamsicle and Cotton Candy cereals—not to mention atomically colored Slurpees and pancake syrup.

And don’t even get me started on Canuck Crunch.

As a result, I’m always eager to see what else this kooky Cap’n and his detached eyebrows has up his nonsensically nautical sleeves.

That said, I’ll admit Quaker’s latest Chocolate Caramel Crunch isn’t quite as inspired as the Cap’n’s other seafaring fare—the combo of chest pieces and flavored Crunch Berries reminds me of the lackluster Chocolatey Berry Crunch. But I am interested to see if there’s better caramel flavor here than in the likewise *meh* Cap’n Crunch’s Caramel Popcorn Crunch. Continue reading →

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11

May. ’21

News: Trix Yogurt Returns

Trix Yogurt Returns!

Ever seen a grown man lean back, squeeze and gulp a whole yogurt cup like he’s a lactobacillic Popeye? Well, for the sake of my area’s grocery store security guards, I sure hope they have, because if there’s no precedent or protocol in place, they might have a tough time stopping my toot-tooting Trix Yogurt-powered form from bench-pressing the dairy cooler.

I’m just that excited about Trix Yogurt returning to conventional stores. I say “conventional” because, though Trix Yogurt has been hard for mainstream consumers to track down for years now, this sweet pastel nostalgia slop has been available in bulk to General Mills’ foodservice partners for some time. But while the foodservice includes fun, familiar flavors like Strawberry Banana and Raspberry Rainbow, Trix Yogurt’s brick-and-mortar revival is stripping back the silliness to just two straightforward tastes: Strawberry and, uh, straw-less Berry.

This is a bit sad, since I’ll miss Cotton Candy and Wildberry Trix Yogurts most of all, but I understand how it’s hard to make the same “healthy low-fat snack” pitch to lunch-packing parents when the stuff is flavored with abstract or otherwise fictional ingredients.

But hey, if these newly returned Trix Yogurt cups are as good as the smoothie version from last year, I’m willing to bury the hatchetfruit and start making some umbrella’d summer yogurt cocktails. Let’s get silly!

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27

Apr. ’21

News: Cap’n Crunch Treats (Crunch Berries & Peanut Butter Crunch)

New Cap'n Crunch Treats

When I saw reports of these “New” Cap’n Crunch Treats, I got some serious dĂ©jĂ  chew, and suddenly I was transported back to the strange, alien world of 2013. Back then, I was but an innocent student with an X-treme nacho cheese chip on my shoulder—classic college prank, real funny, guys—and this blog was still a twinkle in my cereal-scarfing eye.

The Crunch Berry and Peanut Butter Crunch Cap’n Crunch Treats of that era were just about identical looking to the above ones, which hit stores this month—albeit with box art featuring the Cap’n making the two halves of his Treat kiss, instead of the intimidating “here comes the plane” drizzle he’s doing today.

But the fact of the matter is that these Treats, while no doubt delicious, are not new. In fact, the idea of Cap’n Crunch Bars has existed since the late ’90s. I can’t blame Quaker for treat-ing these like they’re new, though. I mean, who among us, besides the anal-retentive breakfast bloggers, can keep track of which cereals have passed the BAR exam? At this point, the mutualistic amalgamation of cereal pieces into a single, stronger organism just feels like a natural stage in any cereal’s evolutionary lifecycle. Though I will note, interestingly, that these Cap’n Crunch Treats appear to use pieces of various sizes—giving them the exotic geologic appearance of riverbed minerals.

How might such a sedimentary strategy affect their taste? I’ll have to find out, assuming I can find these tempting Cap’n Crunch Treats.

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17

Apr. ’21

News: Special K Dipped Chocolatey Almond Cereal

New Chocolatey Almond Special K with Chocolate-Dipped Flakes Box

Tired: Dippin’ Dots Cereal is coming back

Wired: Special K is dippin’ lots of toasted flakes in sweet, sweet chocolate!

Hitting shelves this month, Special K Dipped Chocolatey Almond is Kellogg’s first cereal to feature chocolate-dipped—rather than cocoa-baked or dusted—flakes. I can’t really recall if I’ve ever had a cereal with choco-dipped flakes, but every time I’ve encountered yogurt-coated flakes, it’s been a great time, so I’m betting these will be tasty.

In fact, the hype Kellogg’s is building around these flakes reminds me of the big deal Lay’s made about chocolate-dipped potato chips nearly a decade ago. Those were pretty good, but the problem was you didn’t get many for the price. So here’s hoping Special K Dipped Chocolatey Almond Cereal doesn’t skimp on the headlining star. Though the almonds and cocoa-coated flakes flanking the dipped ones seem like decent consolation prizes.

Speaking of which, where’s the free prize inside? I want a chocolate-coated matchbox car!

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13

Apr. ’21

News: Galactic Lucky Charms

New Galactic Lucky Charms Cereal

Wow. This is a groundbreaking cereal.

Why? Because with this, Lucky the Leprechaun has become the first Irelander in space. And, for some reason, he leaves his hat on while wearing a space helmet. C’mon General Mills, show us those luscious ginger locks!

These new Galactic Lucky Charms debut this month, alongside four other GM cereals already covered on this blog: Apple Cinnamon Chex, Ghostbusters Cereal, Almond Cheerios Oat Crunch, and, of course, Dulce de Leche Toast Crunch.

Galactic Lucky Charms are pretty straightforward: they don’t change the cult-classic Lucky Charms formula, instead just adding three in inter-(and entirely)-stellar marshmallows shaped like planets and a rocket ship. I think these marbits look great and very appetizing, as they remind me of the kind of impossibly immaculate model ideas they put on Play-Doh packaging. I also like the strange amorphous shadow lurking behind Lucky on the packaging, suggesting some sort of calamitous, Giygas-esque antagonist whom Lucky will soon slay with the reality-altering power contained within these three arcane marbits.

Well, hopefully, at least. Sorry, I get pretty headcanon-y when I’m hungry.

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12

Apr. ’21

News: Kellogg’s Together with Pride Cereal

Picture this: a new Smash Bros. game drops by total surprise. The catch? Now each and every beloved fighter, from Egg Dinosaur to Hungry Pink Ball and Singing Pink Ball, has been replaced by a generic Mii Fighter costume.

That’s kind of what Kellogg’s upcoming Together with Pride Cereal is like. See, it’s a spiritual successor to Kellogg’s All Together Cereal, which Kellogg’s has sold online for limited times during the past two years, to celebrate Pride month and raise money for GLAAD, an LGTBQ+ rights non-profit. And while All Together Cereal was a preposterously cool amalgamation of several Kellogg’s cereals, Together with Pride Cereal is a heart-shaped cereal whose “delicious new recipe features berry-flavored, rainbow hearts dusted with edible glitter.”

Unfortunately, this is a foreboding flavor descriptor, as it all but guarantees Together with Pride Cereal will taste like Kellogg’s similarly glittered Caticorn Cereal, which had adorable box art but was about as bland and uniform as a real cereal for cats might be.

Not to mention, Kellogg’s Pride Month efforts always end up coming off pretty rainbow capitalism-y. Not saying it’s a bad thing that GLAAD is raising funds through this cereal, but it seems like it’d be way more earnest for Kellogg’s to just donate a bunch of money outright instead of asking people to buy the cereal from stores, and then validate the purchase on Kellogg’s Family Rewards site before the company will donate $3.

My ever-present uneasiness with big corporations signaling solidarity aside, I’d love nothing more than to reanimate John Harvey Kellogg and show him this art of a Mini-Wheat holding a progress pride flag.

Kellogg’s Together with Pride Cereal will debut in select major retailers this May.

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10

Apr. ’21

News: Dippin’ Dots Cereal Returns

New Birthday Cake Dippin' Dots Cereal Box

Back by unpopular demand, now in a perennially putrid flavor! Seriously, I’m not trying to be rude, but if you asked me to guess which discontinued cereal would be getting a 2021 reboot, I’d probably die of natural causes before even remembering Dippin’ Dots Cereal ever existed. First released in June 2018, DD Cereal came in Banana Split and Cookies ‘N Cream. They were both extremely boring, and since they only debuted in family-sized boxes, I was left with enough uneaten cereal to stuff an ark’s worth of Beanie Babies.

This new variety, Birthday Cake Dippin’ Dots Cereal, has me the opposite of optimistic—well, maybe “pessimistic” is harsh. How about, “floptimistic”? As I’ve reiterated throughout countless one-note saccharine reviews, birthday cake is borderline impossible to translate into an interesting cereal, and unless this new Dippin’ Dots Cereal is actually sold in the freezer aisle, I have little hope this stuff will break its namesake flavor’s streak of blandly frosted failures.

Improved Flavor Cookies 'N Cream Dippin' Dots Cereal

Cookies ‘N Cream Dippin’ Dots Cereal is also returning, with a “NEW! IMPROVED FLAVOR.” However, based on the box art so far, it looks like this iteration of DD Cereal has removed the crispy coated clusters, which were the only freakin’ good part about Dippin’ Dots Cereal in the first place! 

That said, it’s too soon to pass definitive judgement, because these are clearly still concept boxes—you can tell because Birthday Cake is described as a multigrain cereal, while CnC is described as corn with real cocoa. I think I scream for everyone when I say it better be the former.

Regardless, these new and/or improved Dippin’ Dots Cereals should be releasing in the coming months. You can already enter an online sweepstakes for a chance to win free Dippin’ Dots for a year, which may very well be the only good thing that could come out of this cereal’s revival.

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27

Mar. ’21

News: JoJo Siwa Strawberry Bop Cereal

Jojo Siwa Strawberry Bop Cereal

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Wait, wait: wrong JoJo. I tend to do that a lot, especially since I’ve always wanted a JoJo’s Bizarre Cereal with crunchy cherry arrowheads. But no, a different fruit is at play in this cereal collab with youngsters’ favorite singer/dancer/internet personality/marketing force to be reckoned with. I’ll admit I know precious little about JoJo Siwa—you think there’s room between the cereal factoids in my pantry-sized brain for such knowledge?—so I’m not all that excited for her Strawberry Bop cereal.

After all, the last licensed General Mills cereal to feature strawberry, Shopkins Cutie O’s, was so aromatically potent it could down passing aircraft. If this were Kellogg’s, on the other hand, I’d have a little more hope, since their strawberry Disney Princess Cereal was above average and made use of a better-than-corn multigrain base.

Oh well: if nothing else, the fact that this is a Nickelodeon branded box may mean we could finally get a new Garfield Cereal someday. It just better be made with spherical lasagna noodles.

 

 

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