Tag Archives: news

News: Cheerios Oat Crunch – Oats ‘N Honey Cereal!

New Oats 'N Honey Cheerios Oat Crunch Cereal Box

Forget Star Wars and assorted superheroes: this is the most-anticipated sequel of 2019.

For many moons now, Cinnamon Cheerios Oat Crunch has been a sleeper hit amongst wizened breakfasters—in fact, it’s tied with Chocolate Peanut Butter for the title of my favorite Cheerio variety currently on shelves. With the kind of crispety crunchiness that could earn a lawsuit from Butterfinger, the Cheerios Oat Crunch lineage was practically begging for a breath of fresh heirs—the flavor potential is pretty much endless.

And now, over a year later, we’re finally getting a new taste. While it may be the most obvious variety the folks behind Honey Nut Cheerios could do, and while it’s pretty oat-vertly redundant in concept, the only thing I can fault Oats ‘N Honey Cheerios Oat Crunch for is its questionable use of a single apostrophized capital N in lieu of just about any other symbolic or textual conjuration of the word “and.”

(I get it, it’s technically grammatically acceptable, but flanking one side and not the other really has me peev’d.)

But hey, I break writing conventions by the bowlful, so I should stay excited for what may be 2019’s brightly honeyed dark horse—which has already been spotted on shelves!

News: Coffee Mate Cinnamon Toast Crunch Coffee Creamer

New Coffee Mate Cinnamon Toast Crunch Coffee Creamer Cereal

Ignore the Funfetti—on this blog, we’re about done with generically vanilla-flavored things for a while.

Coffee 👏 creamer 👏 should have  👏 a built-in 👏 straw.

Or at least a strapped-in cereal straw.

As my comfort with consuming crude coffee creamer over cereal has only been emboldened by this blog, I’m worried that by the time I get my misty palms on a tankard of Cinnamon Toast Crunch coffee creamer, I’ll be fine with thoughtlessly transferring it into a Big Gulp cup.

General Mills is teaming up with Coffee Mate for this one, though it remains unclear how different CTC coffee creamer will be from, you know, any other cinnamon coffee creamer. It’s very much the same situation we just faced with Market Pantry Cereal Bowl Ice Cream, which ended up bringing in gingerbread vibes out of the leftmost corn & rice field, so I wouldn’t put it past General Mills to somehow make this coffee creamer taste like liquefied cookie butter…or liquefied regular butter.

If you find Cinnamon Toast Crunch coffee creamer, let us know what you think of it in the comments!

News: Magic Spoon Seasonal Cereal Flavors

Magic Spoon Holiday Seasonal Cereal Flavors

The holiday season and healthiness are forever at odds.

On one hand, we have Thanksgiving foods like stuffing, sweet potato casserole, and all manner of gravy-glazed paraphernalia. And in the other hand, I have about two-dozen sugar cookies.

Look, it’s not the holiday season if you aren’t double-fisting and and doubling your fitting size.

But while most of us will be poppin’ buttons ’til we pop the last bottle on New Year’s Eve, Magic Spoon wants to make autumnal–winter flavor a little less embiggening.

If you recall, I reviewed Magic Spoon’s core four flavors not too long ago, deeming the brand, by and large, the most flavorful option for cereal lovers looking for a cereal with specifically streamlined nutritional info. Sure, it’s comparatively expensive and tastes like biomedically fortified Swole Cereal, but as long as you don’t expect a Lucky Charms or Cocoa Puffs, Magic Spoon delivers on its high protein, low carb promises.

And while many of these premium cereal startups tend to stick to a few flavors—as breakfast entrepreneurship is no doubt difficult when competing with billion-dollar brands—Magic Spoon has launched two new flavors to go toe-to-cloves-to-bowtie with the likes of Pumpkin Spice Cheerios and Boo Berry. Sure, blueberry and pumpkin are both familiar cereal aisle flavors by this point, but the addition of chai into the Pumpkin Chai variety is what really has my mind reeling like a barista trying to remember the components of a Pennywise Frappuccino.

You see this, General Mills? You just gonna let them corner the chai cereal market? Sounds like if you don’t drop a Chai-nnamon Toast Crunch sometime soon, you might be Magic-ally out of business. Just my perspective, at least.

Toast or not toast, you can buy a four-pack of these flavors on Magic Spoon’s website.

News: Hershey Kisses Cereal and Trolls Trix with Marshmallows

New Hershey's Kisses Cereal & Trolls Trix with Marshmallows

Never before has a new cereal pairing sounded so much like a Cosmopolitan quiz.

Are you a Kiss, or a Troll? We can tell you in one question

And that question would be something along the lines of:

If you could pick a sexy location for making whoopie, which would you choose:

A) The bathroom at a fancy fondue joint
B) Under a dumpy bridge

No matter your alignment, I think it’s tough to be upset with either of General Mills’ two upcoming cereals—which we know about thanks entirely to @sega_retro_revival. Continue reading

News: Kellogg’s Elf on the Shelf Cereal, Ryan’s World Cereal & Llama Loops

Kellogg's Elf on the Shelf Cereal Ryan's World Llama Loops

Oh, Kellogg’s. Are you a mercenary now? A contract cereal killer? Blink twice if you’re embroiled too deep in a dark web conspiracy.

Look, I’ve already whined about and refused to further dine on Kellogg’s generic sugar loop cereal epidemic, but these three upcoming Kellogg’s releases suggest there’s a bigger problem: (sugar) cookie cutter partnerships. I know, I know, lazy movie cereals have been a breakfast trend since the Forced death of original ideas like C-3POs, but now that Kellogg’s jumped the Baby Shark, it seems the floodgates have been opened for other shadily proprietary entities to easily buy (or be bought for, who knows) their own blasé breakfasts. Continue reading

Coming Soon: Frosted Mini-Wheats Filled – Mixed Berry

2019 Frosted Mini-Wheats Mixed Berry Filled

And the hits. Just. Keep. Coming.

You thought Blueberry Eggo Cereal was exciting? Psh, maybe if you’re a garden variety syrup snob.

And Blueberry Muffin Toasters? Don’t make me laugh. Isn’t that just Eggo for squares?

No, what any true-goo cereal fan should be excited for is just this: dry, sugar-dusted wheat bricks tenderly squelched (12%) full of dried mixed berry goo.

Uh, you know, when I put it that way, it doesn’t sound quite as good as bite-sized griddle cakes and cerealized Seinfeld concept restaurants. But regardless, thanks again to cereal sleuth of the month (year?) Devin, we now know that the Mixed Berry variety of Filled Frosted Mini-Wheats will be returning—though I wouldn’t blame you if you never noticed it leave.

In fact, this cereal concept is so niche—and admittedly blasé in its appeal—that I can’t even find an accurate lifespan for its original incarnation. The only key indicator that 2019 (or 2020)’s version is new is that they’re now simply called “Filled” instead of “Touch of Fruit in the Middle,” a welcome renaming that will no-doubt stave off my carpal tunnel minutes longer when it comes time to review this stuff.

Regardless, fans of fruit and obfuscatory wheat cages for said fruit can prep their berry-discerning taste buds to try this one soon. I mean, there is blueberry in there, so we can safely assume these will take well to butter and maple syrup.

 

News: Toasted Coconut Cheerios are Coming Soon!

New Toasted Coconut Cheerios Box

Quick: forget everything you know about fall.

That big holiday everyone loves? Oh, you mean Spooksgiving?

Crunchy stuff that falls from trees? Those are bird fossils. Don’t touch.

Don’t even get me started on PSLs. Palm Sauced Luau-fuel is what I call ’em. Yes, as Cheerios has proved, something as summery as Toasted Coconut should still be allowed to be a flavor for colder seasons—for, uh, some reason.

You might think that Toasted Coconut Cheerios are just an early leak for Summer 2020, but these tropical rings have already been spotted in the pre-wintertide wild:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B29LGN6FFsR/

With all kinds of “OTHER NATURAL FLAVORS,” Toasted Coconut Cheerios will soon join a proud lineage of seasonal Cheerios. But whether it successfully staves off fall fatigue—or if it’s a bit more forgettable—remains to be seen, spiced, and sighed through autumn’s crisp, whispering winds.

Err, I mean, “Summer’s 3-Month Yawn.”

News: First Look at New Malt-O-Meal Blueberry Muffin Toasters

New Malt-O-Meal Blueberry Muffin Toasters Tops Revival

That muffin you like is going to come back in style.

Blueberry Muffin Tops? Heard of ’em? Dreamt of ’em? Wept for ’em? Many do all three at once.

This early 2000s cult favorite pastried cereal had an impressive life, between being one of very few “Malt-O-Meal Originals” at the time, being criminally under-discussed save for its memorable feature in what is likely the most confusing cereal event to witness without context:

But it’s been discontinued for some time now, despite many fans lamenting for them, their pleas echoing unheard in whatever barren blueberry patch M-O-M had abandoned.

Nevertheless, the cereal persisted. A conspicuously short time after Justin and I discussed the cereal on The Empty Bowl, I shared a rumor that the cereal would be revived as Blueberry Muffin Toasters—and now we have visual confirmation of the beautiful stuff!We must again thank reader Devin, who already tipped us off about Blueberry Eggo Cereal‘s upcoming release. Sort of an interesting impasse Kellogg’s and Malt-O-Meal have found themselves in—each releasing an ooey-gooey fresh-baked blueberry cereal around the same time.

Who will triumph? Toaster or griddle? With a jar of peanut butter as my witness, I vow to find out in a JIFfy.