— Positively Ghostbusters (@PositivelyGB) July 25, 2020
With a crunchy creak, the Count’s fudge-encrusted crypt has opened again, and with only one cocoa-buttered fingernail poking out so far, the news is…promising.
Thanks to Positively Ghostbusters, we have our first look at what 2020 has in store for Count Chocula plus his fellow Monster Cereals Franken Berry and Boo Berry. While I’m not holding out hope for a Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy return, much less a reversion to these now-corn-based Monstrosities’ former oat flour glory, the ear-shaped head of a vintage Chocula is enough to leave me spooking my pants about Halloween in July. Continue reading →
Last chance to tuck in your inner child somewhere beneath your liver.
Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you…
If you’re unsure why the above cereal box art sparks so much primal revulsion in the pits of my soul, you’ve got a few decades of creatively Choculated lore to catch up on. For so long, General Mills’ MonsterCereals—and especially Count Chocula, as their de facto fanged leader—have returned during the Halloween season with new charming box themes and art styles, making them reliably nostalgic accent pieces for any reboot-free horror movie marathon.
But ever since the Monster Cereals’ oat flour formula was infamously changed—a decision that likely fractured us into the darkest timeline—their theming has gotten as inspired as the Children of the Corn franchise. At least to me, it feels like a palpable loss of innocence, especially since 2013’s gave false hope by bringing back Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy for just one year. Continue reading →
Who would’ve thought 2018’s strangest cereal headline isn’t edible?
I definitely stared slack-jawed at my cubicle when I saw this news—which is the natural reaction to seeing a bodaciously curvaceous Franken Berry splayed 48 feet wide across traffic. Continue reading →
See, back in my day, we had to drive uphill both ways to Walmart, just to find Count Chocula. Then it was a grueling 5-mile crabwalk across gravel to snag Franken Berry at Target, before an interstate-length hot coal walk just to be told by my local Walgreens that Boo Berry is only available at some Cracker Barrel gift shop in the middle of a volcano.
So yes, I may be exaggerating a little, and General Mills’ new Monster Cereal bundle—found by Snack Stalker (thanks for sharing!) at Sam’s Club—may be convenient, but if my mom brought home a box set trilogy of breakfast’s finest freaks of nature, I’d be a little disappointed about losing the thrill of the hunt.
After all, chalky marshmallows taste so much better with sweat and elbow grease as their milk.
But I suppose if you want a fisticuff-worthy grab bag gift or seasonally appropriate doorstop, you can’t really go wrong with buying your breakfast boogeymen in bulk.
I only ask because, after General Mills’ soft announcement of Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry Monster Cereals has left some monsterholics (not to be confused with the far less tame Monsterholics) a bit disappointed.
Typically built up with some sort of anticipation, early word on this breakfast time trio isn’t promising. It largely serves as a formal announcement of the Monster Crunch board game and puzzle, and it responds to fans’ collective clamoring for 20th century favorites Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy’s return by saying their board game presence is an introduction of sorts. Their non-appearance has since been externally confirmed.
Whether this means they’ll debut at a later time or only in merchandise is unclear, but given that General Mills’ blog post states the Monster Cereals will be hitting shelves soon, that must mean their creative production is complete. So it stands to reason that the presence of last year’s boxes in the photo probably means we won’t be getting a new gimmick or art style this time around the corn husk-laden crypt.
Hey, at least we’ll be able to channel our emotions into spirited cardboard competition.
Now that’s just my prediction. I’ll eat my words with marshmallows if I’m wrong, but until we learn more, I’m just gonna sit here with the Monsters Go Disco on repeat and hope they at least reintroduce two other classic, fan favorite monsters: Dr. Oat & Mr. Flour.
I don’t mean to sound hyperbolic, but this might be the best thing to happen to cereal gaming since that time I beat Chex Quest 3 in one sitting with only a bag of Doritos (Nacho Cheese over Cool Ranch, to set the tone) as my copilot.
Monster Cereal—the annually/autumnally recurring trio of Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry Cereals—news usually leaks early, about August or so, so it’s only fitting that a teaser for this year’s Halloween M.C.s would hit a month earlier.
While the very existence of a physical cereal card game has my credit card feeling warm, Monster Crunch!, dubbed “The Breakfast Battle Game” becomes infinitely more desirable for its resurrection of cherry-flavored Frute Brute and orange née vanilla Yummy Mummy. Observing this situation critically, I think there’s a 50:50 chance this was either done because the pair are coming back in cereal form this year, and the card game designs will match their box art, or because General Mills is historically cool with throwing the canine–Egyptian duo pityreferences but no cereals, a post-’80s revival that only happened once, in 2013.
You never know with General Mills, so I would pick a safer Halloween Cereal to place bets on. Like whether or not pumpkin spice will steal another spot from pecan pie.
(Photo via Board Game Geek)
But what we do know is a brief overview of the gameplay:
It’s ok to play with your food! Pick your favorite Monster Cereal character and battle to see who can “eat” the most cereal.
In this fast-paced game of luck and strategy, players collect as many Cereal Cards in their Bowls as they can. Each Monster has special powers to give you an advantage and help you gobble up the most cereal. Use Milk Tokens to combine Cereal Cards and take bigger bites. The Monster Cereal character that munches the most wins the game!
Monster Crunch! The Breakfast Battle Game features Boo Berry, Count Chocula, Fruit Brute, Fruity Yummy Mummy, and Franken Berry.
—description from the publisher
Now that sounds a bit like Hungry Hungry Hippos glitched into a Mario Party Mini-Game, but they had me at “milk tokens,” which is now what I’ll call all currency. Unfortunately, the provided pictures don’t let us decipher what each monster’s special power is, but I think we can safely assume Boo Berry can throw his hat like Oddjob.
Look for more details about this cereal’s release soon. I call Yummy Mummy for the first game!
For those about to rock read my third annual review of the exact same cereal, we salute you!
Listen, Frank. Can I call you Frankie? Francis? Franco-Prussian War?
You know I love you, man. It’s true, it’s true: I tell people I love the taste of Count Chocula the best—not counting my estranged (emphasis on the strange) love, Fruity Yummy Mummy, who’s currently jamming to “Walk Like an Egyptian” in some funky undead pyramid disco in the sky.
But from an aesthetic standpoint, I like you best. I promise. No I don’t mean you, you. Let’s be real here: Boo Berry is both suaver and cuter in his debonair porkpie hat. I’d let him take me to the Poltergeist Prom any day. No way my father would let me get picked up by a pink dude with steampunk apparatuses on his neck. We live in the clean energy age, Francesco.
But your cereal? Those neon pink ghosts and pastel marshmallows? The pastel marshmallows that make the whole thing feel like a Taiwanese night market? Hoo, doggy! Or should I say, A-WOO, werewolfy!
François, your artificially strawberry-flavored cereal is the prettiest I’ve ever seen. I’d hang it on my refrigerator if it contained enough magnesium per serving (I don’t understand how magnets work). But for now, I have to eat it. So let’s forget about the Count, forget that I just swooned so hard over Boo Berry that I crashed through your coffee table, and let’s have Franken Berry for breakfast. Continue reading →
I feel like I’m starring in a movie trailer for an unnecessary 2017 reboot of a classic ’80s film. You know, the kind of trailer that inevitably starts with all the wizened and crow-footed stars of the first movie reuniting in their old haunt to topically argue about how things just aren’t as good as they used to be and crack jokes about iPads?
Yeah, that’s how I feel about buying my 2017 box of Count Chocula, because those trailers always open with someone muttering the same line: “Well, here we are again.” Or maybe, “Hello, old friend.” Or even, “Y’all haven’t aged a day.”
Even though a year has passed since I’ve tasted the Count’s sweet cocoa spoils (not counting the expired box I found in my pantry and begrudgingly—though not regretfully—ate on the 4th of July), I feel like this caped chocolate cruncher has never left my side. Like a warm memory or a Tamagotchi that just won’t die, the nostalgic spookiness of Count Chocula—who’s been on shelves for 46 years now, despite being an ageless vampire—is resonant enough to keep me thinking about old elementary school Halloween parties and goofy candy corn cupcakes all year long.
So while I’m sure I won’t find much new to say about Count Chocula’s taste that I haven’t said in previous reviews, I owe this trusty Hershey’s syrup-blooded bloodsucker his annual tribute. Let’s sharpen our canines and start munchin’! Continue reading →
