Tag Archives: maple

Review: Honey Brunches of Oats Chicken & Waffles + Maple Bacon Donut Cereals!

Post & Honey Brunches of Oats Chicken & Waffles + Maple Bacon Donut Cereals Review

National Cereal Day is a funny holiday.

See, despite the best efforts of cereal curators and Ralston researchers such as myself, no one knows exactly when this crunchiest day of the year was first commemorated, nor who it was that first raised their (presumably) marble mug–bowl hybrid to propose the occasion. That said, if you’d like to pretend it was my Great Grand-Pappy Cerealously IV, a humble Crunch Berry farmer from the milkily humid tropics, I wouldn’t be opposed.

All we know is that since the day starting gaining mainstream traction near the turn of the 21st century, National Cereal Day has remained more popular amongst food and local news outlets than other, more contested days. Perhaps it’s a testament to the comparative cultural significance of breakfast cereal, or perhaps just to the PR power of big cereal companies—bless them all for stocking my pantry in time for National Napping Day next week.

Regardless of the date’s disputed origins, it almost always creeps up on me like a ghost in the night or the smotherly love of a 5am house cat. I tend to myself awakening in disbelief to “March 7th” on the calendar, scrambling past my plans for scrambled eggs to write something fitting for this blog’s bona fide breakfast star. But this year, my resolve was steely and my focus was clear: I simply had to write about the already-legendary Honey Brunches of Oats flavors Post has released to both celebrate National Cereal Day and potentially initiate a bold new phase of the foodstuff’s future:

A dawning golden-brown—and perhaps, eventually, honey-mustardy—era of savory cereal.

Both these bite-sized barn animals have already been spotted in both Giant Eagle and Walmart stores, but my journey from farm to pantry was more of an a-graze-ing race. The kind folks at Post offered to send me a box, but after a postal system error—during which I cursed imagined package thieves before pitying them for the surprisingly fowl bounty they were about to unbox—I had to leave a polite mailbox note and desperately wait to hear from a distant neighbor in hopes they’d still have what was mistakenly delivered to them.

Thankfully, this kind soul was able to recover my morning soul food, and here I sit: pastorally sampling the stuff to see if it’s cud worth chewing or a dud worth ptooey-ing.

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News: Maple Bacon Donuts Cereal is Coming for National Cereal Day!

Post Honey Brunches of Oats Maple Bacon Donuts Cereal

Thought Chicken & Waffles Cereal was going to get lonely in your pantry, ostracized by the other, “normal” cereals? Well fear no more: Post & the temporarily name-tweaked Honey Brunches of Oats are raising another barnyard cereal for National Cereal Day, so both sweet-meat munchies can find solidarity together as they slowly expire on your shelves.

Well, maybe. While I’ve voiced my hesitations about faux-flesh-flavored cereals, I have to admit the possibility that they may actually be good. After all, Maple Bacon is a bit more tame—especially given its pastried precedent—and given Post’s recent doughnutted decadence, I’m certainly willing to give this one a hearty (but hopefully not hot-doggy) try.

These Honey Brunches of Oats cereals will be hitting Walmart on or around 3/7/19. Though there’s still no word on whether the brand plans to complete their essential meat trilogy with Sweet & Spicy Hunan Beef Bites.

News: Honey Brunches of Oats Chicken & Waffles Cereal is Coming for National Cereal Day!

Post Honey Bunches of Oats Chicken & Waffles Cereal Box – National Cereal Day 2019

*Frantically checks calendar*

Oh no, this is all wrong: April 1st is still months (of snow and slush) away. I’m afraid we must accept an uncomfortable truth—food science’s rate of cereal experimentation has mutated far faster and more disturbingly than any human could possibly orchestrate.

Breakfast must be growing self aware. And it wants a taste of intelligent life.

First we saw cereal take on the shape and emotional imbalance of young humans. Soon it will use malleable marshmallow to mimic our planet’s cutest animals. But with this latest news? It’s trying to transmute itself into flesh.

Just a week ago, I got a cryptic tip in the comments section about a possible pseudo-Waffle Crisp revival. It wasn’t hard to picture what flavor was being hinted at, but I ultimately had no visual reference to go off of.

That is, until today, when Instagram users Dan J. and Canadian Candy Hunters shared this very real, very mouthwatering pore-watering box of Post & Honey Bunches of Oats’ Chicken & Waffles Cereal in Toronto. But while it may make sense that this sticky-skinned Southern comfort flavor has flown to land of maple syrup, U.S. thrill and grill-seekers need not fret: this Canadian-made cereal is hitting America.

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Review: Maple Cheerios Cereal (2018 American Edition!)

General Mills American Maple Cheerios Cereal Review 2018 Box

Some flavors just stick.

S’Mores, brownie batter, caramel: all slightly unconventional flavors that, despite not being a honey nut, chocolate, or strawberry, always seem to find their way back into the breakfast aisle—and some how under our nails, in our hair, and even binding together electronics as a haphazard tape replacement.

What, you didn’t know toasted marshmallow was a great conductor?

In all seriousness, this class of adhesive alumni are led by their viscous valedictorian: maple syrup. A popular arboreal elixir in Vermont and Vancouver alike, maple is such a sticky flavor that Maple Cheerios, released last year as an allegedly Canada-exclusive cereal to celebrate the country’s 150th birthday (that’s a lot of pancake candles), has arrived in the U.S.

Must’ve stuck to the bottom of a border-crossing General Mills truck, hence the spilled-syrup maple leaf—I can only assume this is a government-issued Canadian seal of approval, like how America’s exported cereals must get ranch & mayonnaise stars & stripes. Continue reading

Review: Malt-O-Meal French Toasters Cereal

Malt-O-Meal French Toasters Cereal Review Bag

Malt-O-Meal definitely lives in an alternate universe—an alternate timeline, if you will. In this version of breakfast reality, Cookie Crisp was less corny, Count Chocula never changed after the ’90s, and Post didn’t release Oreo O’s first—that’s like America losing the Space Race!

Oh, and French Toast Crunch’s squared form survived Y2K.

What do I mean? Well if you recall, French Toast Crunch—the clear ancestor of Malt-O-Meal’s French Toasters—started as bread shapes, changed to curved, Cinnamon Toast Crunch-like swirled squares, then disappeared (or at least disappeared to the Canadian tundras, where they remained available through 2012) until their 2015 rebirth. Yet now, here’s French Toast Crunch bizarro cousin, keeping tradition alive.

It took me too long to find this cereal (it came out a year ago—but my stores haven’t carried it until now. I blame the second coming of bread-shaped cereals), so I’m looking forward to some closure on my search for: it’s time to see if F. T. Crunch’s dark reflection (and I mean that in the best way) can keep its flavor modern.

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Review: Trader Joe’s Crunchy Maple Ladders Cereal

Trader Joe's Crunchy Maple Ladders

Falafel and honey.

Hummus and chocolate sauce.

Chana masala and marshmallow fluff.

As you can obviously tell by these obviously real and totally classic flavor combos, pairing chickpeas with sweet flavor is a totally normal and not eyebrow-raising thing to do. I mean, why else would Trader Joe’s make a chickpea, corn, and rice flour cereal flavored with maple syrup? People have definitely probably maybe been roasting garbanzo beans in whipped cream for centuries!

In all seriousness, once you get over the novelty of this psyllium-rich, gluten-free cereal’s ingredients, the more baffling question is: why ladders? Trader Joe’s site poses this explanation:

“Does every morning feel like an uphill climb? Is breakfast a bore, a chore, or—worse—a battle? We hear you. In fact, we’ve been there. So, to help make that sluggish, uphill climb feel more like a victorious ascent, we’ve created another great breakfast cereal.”

But that seems like a stretch to me. If they wanted to make a cereal shaped like something morning-friendly, they could have make crunchy coffee cups, chewy snooze alarms, or crispy traffic-free commutes. But no, instead we have these ladders, which look like modernized Graham Crackos that migrated to Canada.* As a certified maple fanatic who is seriously considering a French Toast Crunch tattoo, I’m ready to see if these ladders can climb up to my lofty standards. Continue reading

Review: Kashi Cinnamon French Toast

Kashi Cinnamon French Toast Cereal Review Box

Let’s raise a toast to 2018: a bowl of Kashi’s new Cinnamon French Toast Cereal, to be more specific.

Yes, I figured this warm ‘n’ cozy-sounding, breakfast-within-a-breakfast cereal would be a fitting first review for the year of MMXVII for two reasons: one, it’s pretty darn healthy and New Year’s friendly, at 90 calories per 3/4 cup serving with 5 grams of fiber for “spring cleaning,” and just 6 grams of sugar.

Yep, you read that right: Cinnamon French Toast barely out-sweetens Wheat Chex, a cereal I’m pretty sure can double as soy bean fertilizer.

Oh, and the second reason? Because Kashi’s bulging little toasts here adopt a “new year, new me” philosophy to deliciously remix a bunch of other cereal flavors you’ve probably already tried and shamefully binged a whole box of during while binge-watching The Office for so long that Netflix skipped asking if you were there and just asked, “Are you still okay?” Continue reading

Rumor Mill: Two New Kashi Cereals, Coming Soon?

Kashi Cinnamon French Toast Cereal Box

Waffle Crisp: the maple father, always present, always watching with a golden gaze.

French Toast Crunch: the sticky son, lost once, but resurrected thanks to a cult following.

And now, new Kashi Cinnamon French Toast: a holy syrup, created to enrich our sugar-loving lives with a cereal slightly more wholesome?

Forgive me for theologizing, but I love maple flavored cereals so much, that even the possibility of a healthy one has my heart sizzling like a freshly caked griddle. Long story short: when I was exploring the web’s deepest cereal caverns—an exploration that also turned up new Rice Krispies Treats and Super Mario Cereal—I happened upon this Kashi Cinnamon French Toast Cereal box, too.

These pillows look like Puffins, they’re flavored with real cinnamon and maple syrup, and they have plenty of fiber, but other than that, there’s nothing to say about this cereal yet that you can’t garner from staring at that very very enlarged to show texture cereal piece above.  I won’t tell IT if you lick your screen.

But wait, there’s more! Continue reading