Okay, okay: that article title is a lie. Or at least, like, 60% a lie.
Yes, I’m going to talk about all three of Malt-O-Meal’s fruity summer cereal releases, and yes, I know, I’m really late to the game on talking about them. But that’s because one of these three cereals is so much better than the others that I’ve been deeply, irretrievably absorbed in its ample folds of goodness—to the point of ignoring the other two, this blog, and my ties to this earthly plane, all at the same time.
Which one is it? Ha, wouldn’t you like to know.
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What’s that? You would like to know? And it’s my job as a reviewer to tell you?
Well geez, I guess that logic checks out. Alright, I’ll tell you…but I’m gonna make you wade through my thoughts on the not-so-good ones, first.
Don’t worry, I’ll make it as ephemeral as these two cereals’ flavor. Continue reading →
This is a Cinnamon Toast Crunch callout post! Yes, I am weaponizing my half decade of accumulated cereal culture clout to criticize the gratuitous Toast Crunch idolatry of our times.
Don’t get me wrong, CTC is good, but I’m here to insist that it isn’t flawless and certainly isn’t immune to competition. Just like Honey Maid Cinnamon Graham Cereal before it, Malt-O-Meal’s Churr-O’s Cereal amply evidences this. Ostensibly a cut-and-dry reboot of the early 2010s’ Post Mini Cinnamon Churros, Churr-O’s nevertheless deserves a blind and unprecedented review, as Mini Cinnamon Churros were discontinued before I could use this blog to memorialize their intricacies.
Oh, and there’s a new Malt-O-Meal Not-Trix, too. “Pranks,” if you will. But we’ll get to those. Right now, we’ve got preconceived Toast Crunch-spectations to crush. Continue reading →
As the world keeps turning, burning, yearning, spurning, and churning, a little Churro-ning goes a long way.
In a clear revival of their long-lost Mini Cinnamon Churros Cereal, which disappeared from shelves around 2013, Post and its cereal subsidiary Malt-O-Meal are bringing the tubular treat back to shelves with Churr-O’s Cereal, a decidedly more rounded take on churros.
Though they’ve always been a beloved dessert, churros are having a renaissance of sorts in the breakfast aisle. Between General Mills’ Cinnamon Toast Crunch Churros, Chocolatey Churro Pop-Tarts and Kellogg’s of Mexico’s Panaderia Churros Cereal, there’s never been a better time to eat cinnamon cylinders in the morning.
Though these have already been spotted at Walmart, you can keep your eyes peeled for Churr-O’s Cereal near you with Malt-O-Meal’s product locator.
Lucky Charms? Frosted Flakes? Honey Bunches of Oats?
Sure, they’re classic cereals, but are they legends? You can’t have a myth without the mythology, nor a hero without an origin story. And I’m not talking about internally manufactured lore—no matter how good the Cap’n Crunch Extended Universe is. No, the cereals whose legacies will endure the eventual expiration of every earthly trademark will be the ones who moved people. The cereals that collided with culture without significant marketing spin.
I’m talkin’ Oreo O’s, which endured an enigmatic purgatory of legalese by seeking refuge in South Korea.
I’m talkin’ Honeycomb, whose formula change revealed that not only do people not want all-natural flavoring in classic cereals, but they don’t want it so hard that they’ll rally with the vitriol of a bloodlusted Crazy Craving.
And I’m talkin’ Blueberry Muffin Tops, a cereal that launched an outlandish, fan-driven convention spectacle. At that time, Blueberry Muffin Tops was at the cult-favorite cusp between its 2004 introduction and 2016ish disappearance. Back then, before it was bought out by Post, Malt-O-Meal had a much harsher (thought largely unfounded) reputation for selling cheap cereal bootlegs in bulk without a granule of originality. But Blueberry Muffin Tops was a breath of freshly Ziploc’d air. We’re spoiledforchoice now, but years ago a craving for blueberry breakfast cereals forced a choice between Blueberry Mini-Wheats (boring), waiting ’til October for Boo Berry (boo-ring), and Post’s Blueberry Morning—which, to be fair, is pretty great, but without word-of-mouth recommendation it just looks like another boring ‘healthy’ cereal.
Blueberry Muffin Tops solved that crisis with its unrestrained, shameless sugary goodness. And while it was discontinued due to a lack of consumer demand, BMT’s everlasting appeal has resurged to the point that Malt-O-Meal, no doubt buoyed by Post’s greater capacity for potential failure, is rebirthing them as Blueberry Muffin Toasters, most likely to make them gel with their larger line of Toast Crunch taste-alikes, but also hopefully because M-O-M doesn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea about bringing back low-rise jeans.
May they be lowered to the deepest drop-crotch of hell. Continue reading →
That muffin you like is going to come back in style.
Blueberry Muffin Tops? Heard of ’em? Dreamt of ’em? Wept for ’em? Many do all three at once.
This early 2000s cult favorite pastried cereal had an impressive life, between being one of very few “Malt-O-Meal Originals” at the time, being criminally under-discussed save for its memorable feature in what is likely the most confusing cereal event to witness without context:
But it’s been discontinued for some time now, despite many fans lamenting for them, their pleas echoing unheard in whatever barren blueberry patch M-O-M had abandoned.
Nevertheless, the cereal persisted. A conspicuously short time after Justin and I discussed the cereal on The Empty Bowl, I shared a rumor that the cereal would be revived as Blueberry Muffin Toasters—and now we have visual confirmation of the beautiful stuff!We must again thank reader Devin, who already tipped us off about Blueberry Eggo Cereal‘s upcoming release. Sort of an interesting impasse Kellogg’s and Malt-O-Meal have found themselves in—each releasing an ooey-gooey fresh-baked blueberry cereal around the same time.
Who will triumph? Toaster or griddle? With a jar of peanut butter as my witness, I vow to find out in a JIFfy.
And not only in sporadic bursts of sunny feelings, but in a systematic and exponentially improving sense?
I awoke today planning only to share the duel of wills that occured between me and Blue-Eyes White Dragon Cereal. And then I was gobsmacked by a Reddit tip about larvae-shaped Twinkies Cereal.
And now, after following the Twinkies lead shared by /r/YukiHase (thanks again!), I’ve struck sapphire. This something more potent than a Blue-Eyes Blast, and more nostalgic than a Twinkie and four Ghostbusters.
Though they share a mother in milk, there are perhaps no other food pairings quite as harmonious and simultaneously anachronistic as cereal and cookies. One carries an entire nation’s breakfast connotations on its sugared back, while the other cloaks its doughy balls in the sinful jar of night. And yet, I can’t think of any one prepared treat that has inspired more cereals than the cookie, with its manifold masquerade of infinite options:
Post & Malt-O-Meal (essentially creative twins, but one more literally thinks outside the box) are continuing the cookie’s never-crumbling reign by expanding their line of Cookie Bites even further. What started as a clear chip off the ol’ Cookie Crisp became Nutter Butter Cereal’s better half earlier this year. Now, it’s taking aim at the holiday season…a whole five months early?
I won’t question the business strategy behind dropping a snickerdoodle cereal in the summer, but all I’m saying is that if a cereal’s gonna celebrate Christmas in July, it better be offering me a steal of a deal on a used Kia Sorento. Continue reading →
Look, I’m all for cool (especially the literally cool) cereal collaborations, but I’m sensing an ulterior motive with this one.
Malt-O-Meal & Cold Stone Creamery’s Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some? is the latest in their ice cream cereal series, after Birthday Cake Remix and Our Strawberry Blonde. And it has to be a secret social experiment by Post (M-O-M’s parent company) to see just how long they can make a cereal’s full, legal name before they drive snacky journalists wacky.
Well to that I say, nice try, but I’ll just turn it into an ugly acronym that actually takes more exertion to craft than typing it out.
So I know I really buried the lead here, but M-O-M&CSCCDYWS? is making a bold statement by claiming it contains cereal pieces actually flavored like cookie dough (while pairing them with marshmallows, but I doubt anyone in today’s marbit-fatigued zeitgeist really cares about that). There’s been little creativity in the chocolate chip cookie cereal scene as of late, ever since Keebler Cereal and its tragically puff-smothered cookie bits keeled over. That’s why there’s a lot riding on Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some? to be more than just another Cookie Crisp chaser.
Now that I’ve told my spellcheck’s autocapitalization settings to not even bother, I can answer the in-sentence question Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some? exists to ask:
