Tag Archives: kellogg’s

28

Jan. ’22

Review: Wendy’s Frosty Cereal

New Wendy's Frosty Cereal Review Box

See her? That red-haired, doe-eyed dame looking all innocent at the top of this Frosty Cereal?

It’s her fault. All of it. The turmoil afflicting our world, the sallow tension draped over everything, the insidious doom oozing from every earthly orifice: or The Baconated Blight of Wendy, as I like to collectively call it.

You see, if Wendy’s social media accounts hadn’t decided to kickstart an insidious trend of sassy, apathetic, and terminally online brands, I’m convinced we wouldn’t be in this mess. I truly loathe the soulless snark of faceless corporate entities, and for that I can never forgive Ol’ Gwendolyn or her new Frosty Cereal here.

It doesn’t help that this cereal really phoned it in component-wise, pairing boring chocolate spheres with the worst marbits imaginable—but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s see just how Wendy’s Frosty Cereal fares in my bowl…

…and if I hear one cocky clapback from the girl on the box, I’m heaving the whole thing in a gravel pit. Continue reading →

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01

Jan. ’22

News: 2022 Froot Loops

New Froot Loops Sweethearts

You’re on thin ice, Toucan Sam: thin ice!

Like I mentioned in yesterday’s 2021 “Best Of” countdown, the Kellogg’s Strike may be over, but I’m still hesitant to support and outright endorse new Kellogg’s releases. While we wait to see how Kellogg’s corporate rhetoric and worker treatment evolves over the coming months, I’ll still share news of upcoming Kellogg’s releases on this site—but I’ll be including caveat reminders that a) it took Kellogg’s three whole months and endless bad PR just to make small concessions to the people who make their cereal, b) there are always satisfying alternatives and taste-alikes for these new Kellogg’s releases for those who would rather spend their money elsewhere, and c) a number of people noted dangerous finds in their Kellogg’s purchases while the company was using less-experienced scab labor to replace striking workers, and given lengthy production timelines, it’s unclear when cereal made by the reinstated striking workers will reach shelves.

That said, two new Froot Loops varieties are coming soon from the Battle Creek cereal behemoth. The first is the above Froot Loops Sweethearts, which is basically the exact same Froot Loops you already know, just resculpted into heart shapes and with a laughably ironic “Spread Love Edition” label. This is also the first new limited edition Froot Loops variety to feature the recently redesigned Toucan Sam—who looks….okay, I guess? Personally, I wish they would’ve stuck with the bolder, Adventure Time style Sam who was scrapped after a poor public response.

Froot Loops Color Mix Ups

The other new Froot Loops variety is still a bit more esoteric at this time. It’s called Froot Loops Color Mix-Ups, and reader Laura sent me this pixelated evidence of it from an Acme grocery digital coupon. It’s unclear whether these Mix-Ups will taste any different from normal Froot Loops, but they appear to feature kaleidoscopically multicored Loops instead of the single-hued classic Loops.

Also worth noting is that, as the digital coupon applies to a number of other new Kellogg’s products, there’s a “Mixx Jumbo Snax” listed as well, albeit without any image. Could this be a jumbo-sized remake of 1990’s cryptozoological classic Big Mixx? Probably not, but a Loch Ness-loving boy can dream, can’t he?

Anyway, if you find a better image of Froot Loops Color Mix-Ups, please let me know!

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05

Oct. ’21

News: Kellogg’s & Wendy’s FROSTY Cereal

New Kellogg's Wendy's Cereal

Sorry Wendy’s, but this is neither penance nor atonement. Your sin is far too great to assuage with a sweet cereal.

I know I seem crass, but in my eyes (all full of glistening milky tears of spite), Wendy’s is at fault for popularizing the “kooky brand social media” trope that’s infected Twitter, Tumblr, and somehow my small intestine. Listen, it was funny the first umpteen times a big, million-follower account got snarky and all “sorry not sorry” for “throwing shade” at a competitor, but holy trash-talking guacamole, it’s gotta stop. I’m tired of brands pretending to be people. 

I know nothing I say will stem the tide, though, so let me get to the point: Kellogg’s is teaming up with Wendy’s to drop the fast food chain’s first ever cereal, based on their iconic chocolate Frosty milkshake. According to Kellogg’s, “hitting shelves this December, the limited-edition cereal features chocolate-flavored marshmallow pieces that intermingle with crispy, cocoa-coated round cereal bites — each spoonful evokes the irresistible taste of a Wendy’s Frosty.”

Well, to me, each spoonful looks like it’ll evoke the tepid taste of an Elf on the Shelf Cereal (apologies, but I’m triggered by those molar-nesting capsule marbits). As with any new cereal, I’m willing to give it a chance to surprise me, but hey, either way, Wendy’s Frosty Cereal comes with a consolation prize: each cereal box includes a FREE small Frosty or Frosty-ccino with any Wendy’s app purchase.

Wait, I’m also still triggered by my childhood memory of throwing up a Wendy’s cheeseburger with a small Frosty I dunked my fries in.

Boy, I just can’t win today. Maybe I can assuage the pain by having @Wendys publicly dunk on me instead.

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21

Sep. ’21

News: Elf on the Shelf Hot Cocoa Cereal

New Elf on the Shelf Hot Cocoa Cereal Box

Hallo-who?

Oh, sorry, that silly old October 31st holiday is so last August. Get with the times—it’s the holiday season already! Which, for some ungodly reason, means we’re getting another Elf on the Shelf Cereal.

First came Elf on the Shelf Sugar Cookie Cereal in 2019. It was an over-simplistically sugary cereal, far more forgettable than the accursed eldritch Elf-scourge whose name it bears.

Then last year we got Elf on the Shelf Vanilla Candy Cane Cookie Crunch Cereal. In addition to its criminal abuse of consonance, this stuff tasted terrible. Like a mint Lifesaver scraped off the bottom of someone’s snow boot.

Now to complete this tepid trilogy (at least, dear most holy Saint Nick, I pray this is the end) comes Elf on the Shelf Hot Cocoa Cereal. From the looks of its cocoa stars and marshmallows, this stuff is unlikely to surpass General Mills’ similar Hot Cocoa Cocoa Puffs, which was, in itself, exceptionally mediocre. In fact, EotS Hot Cocoa will probably be worse, since this cereal family historically has the worst marbits ever. Seriously: these chewy, pill-sized marsh-molars could sink a cereal brand ten times mightier than Elf on the Shelf.

Sorry if I sound hopelessly pessimistic, but I am. That devilish shelf-sitting sprite has every right to try proving me wrong, but given his putrid precedent, he’s guilty until proven innocent.

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16

Sep. ’21

Review: Krispy Kreme Cereal (Mexico Exclusive)

New Mexico Exclusive Krispy Kreme Cereal Review - Box

Kellogg’s new Krispy Kreme Cereal is weird. And I don’t say that because it’s a Mexico-exclusive cereal—though zany flavors that aren’t available stateside are certainly breakfast-aisle oddballs.

And I don’t call it weird because it comes in such a small box—weighing in at 190g vs your standard issue 280g Froot Loops—though there’s a strange, empty feeling that comes with knocking out a whole box of cereal within like, four or five regular-sized bowls of it. A.K.A., a typical weekend’s worth.

No, no, I call Krispy Kreme Cereal weird because it tastes weird! And I mean ‘weird’ not in the sense that it’s bad in any way, but in the way that’s like goodness gracious, me and mine, implacable flavor’s a-ticklin’ my mind. That’s right, the taste of Krispy Kreme Cereal is poetically elusive. I racked my brain buds and taste cells trying to identify the buttery(?), fried(?!), and perhaps, greasy(‽) note that prevails over each thick ‘n’ chunky cereal ring.

And those are some of the best adjectives I could come up with. Continue reading →

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13

Sep. ’21

Quick Review: Froot Loops Gummies

New Froot Loops Gummies Review

Sorry for the abbreviated review, but any morsel’d candy that doesn’t give me more than four pieces per container doesn’t deserve more than four paragraphs. Granted, you can find these new Froot Loops Gummies in 7oz packages (which would be like, upwards of 40 gummies), but all I could find were these trick-or-treat pouches, which comes 16 to a bag, and which take longer to open their wasteful packaging than they do to eat. They’re so small they can’t even be called fun-sized—to quote the venerable Strong Bad, “The only fun I’m going to have with this thing is smearing it all over your door when I leave.”

These portions are especially frustrating because Froot Loops Gummies are actually good. They really do taste like sweeter, tarter and juicier Froot Loops—though just like real Froot Loops, each color tastes the same.

However. this synthetic tropical smoothie of goodness also leaves behind a pretty iffy, throat-coating chemical aftertaste. It’s nothing too bad, but normally I would just start chain-chewing more gummies to mask the aftertaste. Can’t do that super speedily when I need to rip open my fifth-in-a-row pouch of the things.

Overall, Froot Loops Gummies are a fun and smartly flavored candy adaptation of a beloved cereal, but unless you can find ’em value sized, these toothsome toucan rings aren’t work the effort nor the plastic refuse.

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24

Aug. ’21

News: Three Cereal Tidbits!

All Marshmallow Lucky Charms 2021

It’s been a dry few weeks for dry cereal news—an odd occasion, since breakfast happenings are usually bustling enough to have me posting a couple times a week without fail. Cereal news is metaphorically true to its namesake, after all: it gets you hungry for a new bowl before you’ve even finished the one you just poured. In comparison, this has been the overnight oats of slow news months.

Nevertheless, there have been a couple news bites worth bringing up: the first of which is the rainbow-spanning return of Lucky Charms “Just Magical Marshmallows.” After years of making All Marshmallow LC boxes extremely rare artifacts you could only win from contests (though I acquired one anyway), General Mills has since stripped the stuff of its mythic stature. Last year, they introduced small pouches of marbits, and now they’re back—even though I never noticed they were gone. Truth be told, I see no practical reason to buy these, given how the oat bits are actually the cereal’s best part, unless you want to melt a big glob of them for the world’s most unicorn puke-tastic s’more.

Oh well, at least the neat new packaging makes it feel like you’re collecting Infinity Stones. Continue reading →

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18

Jun. ’21

Bite-Sized Reviews: Team Cheerios, Kellogg’s Mashups, & Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Churros

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but I couldn’t think of nearly that many to say about these three new, but mostly predictable, cereals.

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