Tag Archives: kellogg’s

Review: Toy Story 4 Carnival Berry Cereal

I’ll be honest, even though it’s been out for over a week, Toy Story 4 has not yet graced my ideas. It’s not (entirely) about it being an unnecessary sequel, and more about how I have to pee so often during movies that it leaves massive plot holes in my memory if the staff refuse to pause it for me.

And yes, I did once try to slip out to the restroom during The Last Jedi, accidentally opened the door to outside, and bathed the theater in an embarrassing flood of blinding hyperspace.

But here in the comfort of my own home, I can find cinematic relief through open relieving—all while eating cheap cereal instead of $11 kids’ snack boxes (the gummies are just so good!). So as I crack open a box of Toy Story 4 Carnival Berry Cereal, I’m forced to interpret the plot based entirely on this sensory breakfast experience.

So far all I’ve garnered is that during the film, the toys are blessed (or cursed?) with the ability to sprint across empty air—even in a five-alarm red void. Let’s hope the taste features more character development…

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 2 rating, kellogg's, movie cereals. 1 Comment

Jun. ’19

News: Spidey Berry Pop-Tarts Are Swinging Into Stores!

♪ Spidey Berry, Spidey Berry, likely made by some dude named Gary.
Filled with goo, and maybe fruit; this blogger’s in, hot pursuit.
Look out, here comes the Spidey Berry! ♪

Just like Marvel’s sequel-happy universe, the Spider-Man Pop-Tart canon just keeps expanding. First we saw the 2002, Tobey Maguire-era Spidey-Berry Pop-Tarts, which featured a Wildberry filling perfect for a post-Pizza Time dessert. Then for 2012’s Amazing Spider-Man movie, we got YUM-AZING Vanilla. Now as Spider-Man: Far From Home is hitting theaters, Kellogg’s is rebooting Spidey-Berry into a hyphen-less version that trades the Wildberry for a comparatively less interesting Raspberry filling.

(Is Raspberry anyone’s favorite Pop-Tart? If so, you may have been bitten by a radioactively malevolent Raspberry Pi AI.)

What is more interesting is the printed icing, which can apparently be scanned through you phone to unlock an “online adventure,” hopefully one worthy of Mysterio’s own illusions. My excitement over this features stems entirely from the box’s prompt to “SCAN YOUR TART,” a three-word phrase that, on its own, has definitely never been written before, but which also references a single Pop-Tart as a Tart, something I’d never expect from a big, trademark-consistency-protecting company like Kellogg’s.

So while there’s nothing flavorfully new about Spidey Berry Pop-Tarts, already available online and in stores, the fact that breakfast is now a digital commodity means that we’re one step closer to summoning holographic monsters by sliding a Pop-Tart into a Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Disk.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: kellogg's, movie cereals, pop-tarts. 1 Comment

Jun. ’19

News: Kellogg’s UK Launches White Choc Coco Pops

As one legend falls, another shall rise.

Just as Kellogg’s U.S. has made the borderline despicable choice to make Rice Krispies Treats Cereal a crudely deconstructed caricature of its former, cult-favorite self, Kellogg’s U.K. is bringing its version of Cocoa Krispies to a bold new frontier of flavor.

Fronted by Coco the monkey, a mascot that once blessed boxes of U.S. of Cocoa Krispies from 1991-2001, White Choc(olate) Coco Pops are the first introduction of white chocolate into a cereal brand that I can think of, outside of Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme cereal (which is still appropriately and anachronistically present on Kmart’s website). That cereal was a bit of a flop, which puts the onus of white chocolate revelry squarely on Coco’s shoulders.

But hey, at least he hasn’t been uncannily CGI’d yet, unlike a certain trio of elves who now appear to be haunted wax sculptures.

While I’m unsure whether I’ll ever get the chance to taste White Choc Coco Pops, it’s no doubt been a good month for Kellogg’s U.K., who also stirred up a lot of buzz by making three different beers from the production waste of Corn Flakes, Coco Pops, and Rice Krispies—meaning that if I can’t get my hands on White Chocolate Pops, I might be able to sooth my sorrows soon with a tallboy of White Chocolate Poppin’ Porter.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: chocolate, international, kellogg's, rice krispies. 4 Comments

Jun. ’19

Spooned & Spotted: Rice Krispies Treats Cereal (New “Recipe”)

So this is how a legend dies.

With an epidemic of marshmallows.

I’m usually pretty positive about new cereal news. Whether it’s a sour cereal or a savory cereal, I’m always willing to give iffy premises the benefit of the doubt. But this? This is egregious. The most insensitive offence since Alpha-Bits annihilated what little cereal clout they had left.

Yes, Rice Krispies Treats, a big-time cult favorite cereal since its 1993 debut—even as it became harder to find in recent years—is “back” with a “new recipe” that Kellogg’s somehow thinks we won’t notice is a complete abandonment of what made RKTC so good.

The cereal was comprised of small Rice Krispies clusters: demurely unfrosted versions of today’s Snap, Crackle Poppers that were bound by a buttery marshmallow goo that was the real star of the show. It was a clever facsimile of a real Rice Krispies Treat—think a thematic cousin of Powdered Donettes, and just as sweet.

But now? It’s (Frosted) Rice Krispies and Marshmallows. That’s it, folks. Show’s over. Kellogg’s has already made some dubious decisions lately to make a half dozen cereals all using the same flavor profile of “sweetened sugar ring,” and now they’re continuing the pandemic replacement of creativity with marshmallows, while also lobotomizing a modern cereal myth. I’ve spotted this certainly new and dubiously improved stuff at Target, but it should be everywhere by now.

I’ll give Kellogg’s a dainty sliver of benefitted doubt that the Krispies might taste different here (it does say sweetened toasted rice), but if you don’t see a review of it on this blog soon, it’s probably because my sliver was shattered.

Rest in smaller pieces, my deconstructed old Treat. Let’s remember the good times:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=38l0S0YaVAQ

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: kellogg's, rice krispies. 82 Comments

Jun. ’19

Spooned & Spotted: Cookies & Crème Pop-Tarts Cereal

Do you hear that? Those foreboding rumbling of a tectonic plate sandwiched between two others, heralding the beginning of something…cataclysmic?

It’s an anomaly in Earth’s chocolate cookie crust, and we haven’t felt one of this magnitude since the great Oreo Cheesequake that turned countless communities upside down—while leaving them dizzyingly unable to fall.

Yes, we seem to be reaching critically crème-y mass, with newly spotted Cookies & Crème Pop-Tarts Cereal being the third cereal of its Oreo-flavored kind to arrive this past month. While I thought the Oreo craze peaked two years ago with the olfactory onslaught of perhaps unnecessarily zany cookie flavors, from Mississippi Mud Pie to the Swedish Fish who for some reason swim in it.

But now that Nabisco’s mad science has tempered to a sort of eccentric performance art, with more reasonable flavors like Latte Thins and Rocky Road, it feels high time for the famous cookie’s signature flavor to return to its black & white simplicity, once again populating both owned brand and imitator products all across the grocery store. Spotted by @m_huddy at Woodman’s (thanks!), Cookies & Crème Pop-Tarts Cereal brings a two-toned filling (a la S’Mores Krave) to a fascinatingly chip-studded P-TC shell.

While I am more excited for C&C Pop-Tarts Cereal, I am close to predicting it dead in the skim-diluted water. Why? Because it feels like a direct chaser to Cookies ‘n’ Creme Fillows, which were so good (and dense!) that I have serious doubts the comparatively welterweight anatomy of Pop-Tarts Cereal will even be able to touch gloves with General Mills’ game-changing, choco-icing champion.

Perhaps I’ll just have to pit them head to head, M&M’s style. Don’t blame me, Pop-Tarts, it’s a natural cereal phenomenon: survival of the crème-swollen fattest.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: cookies and cream, kellogg's, pop-tarts. 2 Comments

May. ’19

News: Red, White & Blueberry Pop-Tarts are Here!

What does America taste like? It seems Pop-Tarts is having a tough time figuring it out.

They’ve tried the obvious. They’ve tried to distill the essence of our diets. And they’ve tried two other Red, White & ___ flavors before ditching the generic Berry and misplaced Cherry (which works neither chromatically nor rhythmically) for Blueberry.

Red, White & Blueberry Pop-Tarts may make more sense than its previous flagged flavors, though I do wish they’d get right to the heartland of America and make Superman Ice Cream Pop-Tart—they already have DC’s blessing!

Proudly baked in the USA* without oxford (or any) commas, Red ⭑ White & Blueberry Pop-Tarts have already been spotted at Market Basket and Jewel Osco stores (with complete nutrition info), according to The Impulsive Buy. But in keeping with the recent tradition of weird places to buy breakfast products, you can pick up a box of RW&B Pop-Tarts from…Menards?…and get a $0.21 mail-in rebate to boot!

Think of all the penny whistles and MoonPies you could buy with that!

If you have any new breakfast news of your own to wave proudly, hoist it on over to our Submissions page. If I don’t put it on this blog, I’ll at least cram it in my toaster.

*Google seems to think all Pop-Tarts are made domestically, and there is indeed a Pop-Tarts factory not far from me.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: kellogg's, news, pop-tarts. Leave a comment

May. ’19

Review (x2): Confetti Cupcake & Chocolate Cupcake Pop-Tarts

Look, I have a whipped cream firehose right here, and the safety’s off.
So I’m gonna ask you one more time: where’s Captain Cupcake?

It’s really the only explanation: the squiggle-stached mascot behind Hostess Cupcakes, known for his hulking naval circumference and nautical nonsense, hasn’t been seen in action for years. Many theorized that he, along with the other obscure sideshow snack cakes, were disappeared out of existence by the powerful Fruit Pie the Magician, whose grand illusion managed to rewrite our dark timeline and save Hostess from bankruptcy.

But with the release of these new conveniently frosted Chocolate Cupcake Pop-Tarts, the truth is clear. Captain Cupcake, bitter about his fudgy offspring not getting their own Hostess Cereal (this was C. Cupcake’s one chance to return fire against Cap’n Crunch!), defected and sold trade secrets to Kellogg’s. Now we can only assume that he’s hiding out in the molded wreckage of an abandoned Hostess Bakery Thrift Outlet.

If he happens to reappear under a new diet alias—with a slimmer shape due to months spent lifting stale Wonderbread pallets—I hope the feds book this “Admiral Aspartame” instantly. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, 8 rating, kellogg's, pop-tarts. 2 Comments

May. ’19

Review: Kellogg’s HI! Happy Inside – Simply Strawberry

Oh, you thought cereal was for you and your taste buds? Nope, sorry buster: this cereal is specifically for your stomach. Your gut. Your food wallet. Whatever you call it, it better be ready for a healthy migration of gut flora, because Kellogg’s new HI! Happy Inside cereal line is here to culture abdomens everywhere.

We’ve been aware of HI! Happy Inside for a while now, but it was largely only available in location- or cost-prohibitive value packs. My local chains have finally begun to stock the stuff in smaller pouches, so I’m taking a cautious first spelunk into this protozoan belly of the beast with Simply Strawberry—ostensibly the fruity front-liner of this howdy-happy cereal trilogy that also includes Bold Blueberry and Cocoa Crunch.

I was hesitant to try this stuff to begin with, since, generally any healthy cereal that brands itself from head to intestine as an anatomical expedient ends up abandoning my appetite somewhere near the gall bladder. But as I wait for other new cereals that are less stomach-friendly and more gut-punchy, I figure it couldn’t hurt to brace my body for impact. Each HI! Happy Inside cereal boasts a three-in-one benefit of prebiotics, probiotics, and fiber, so even if I hate this stuff, maybe this review can still be cited for some kid’s science fair project. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, kellogg's, strawberry. 6 Comments