Tag Archives: kellogg’s

News: Peeps Cereal is Getting Bunny & Chick Marshmallows!

Peeps Cereal with bunny & Chick Marshmallows (2020)

It only took a year, but one of 2019’s biggest missed opportunities is being repaired.

In my review of last Easter’s Peeps Cereal (which I still unseasonably blogged about in January), I noted—as any potential Peeper would—that a brand known for its cute animal shapes probably deserves better than lazy round & white marbits. Thankfully, those sugary eggs are hatching in 2020, as we can see in the above box art uncovered by Candy Hunting. I’d like to think it’s my complaints that got Kellogg’s to introduce these “Bunny & Chick Marshmallows,” but considering how I was equally scathing in my critique of this cereal’s taste, I doubt Kellogg’s would ever credit me.

After all, the frankly boring base cereal itself looks unchanged. I’ll admit that the bunnies are some of the better fashioned cereal marshmallows in recent memory—the chicks seem like they could be runny yolks—but unless those rascally rabbits breed while the cereal’s in your pantry, I might have to pass on buying a box again this spring.

But congratulations, Kellogg’s: you finally made an authentic Peeps Cereal. Now you just need to find an audience for the sugary stuff’s one-note opus.

Review: New Pretzel Pop-Tarts (Chocolate & Cinnamon Sugar!)

Kellogg's New Pretzel Pop-Tarts Review - Boxes

The crustular revolution will not be televised.

Probably because crustular isn’t a real word, let alone an FDA-approved one. Though one could consider it an antonym of ‘cromulent.’

Pop-Tarts varieties have gotten wilder than a berry in recent years, with a number of crazy flavors and gimmicks that weren’t necessarily crazy good by extension. But through it all, Kellogg’s wasn’t able to open up their third eye to see the true opportunity for creativity that lies in a Pop-Tart’s largely unmodified third component—arguably the most fundamentally important component. The crust.

I struggle to think of many Pop-Tarts with crust that tastes like anything more than “classic puff pastry” and “chocolate puff pastry.” There’s Red Velvet, but that’s really just clown chocolate. Perhaps the only worthy ancestral analogue I can think of for these crust-bending Pretzel Pop-Tarts would be Kellogg’s line of weirdly wonderful Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts. With a more crumbly and baked-cookie-esque crust, that trilogy of PB, Choco PB & PB&J cemented themselves as an unforgettable, holy trinity of revelatory revolutions in Pop-Tarchitecture.

So why did it take Kellogg’s so long to break the expensive factory mold again?
And was it worth it?

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News: Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts Bites

New Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts Bites Box

Fact: Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts are inherently the most nostalgic to me.

Are they my favorites today? Not a chance. But they were the only ones my parents ever got, and the memories of eating them with my sister are unparalleled in their neurologic detail. In fact, it’s because of my mortal youthful sin of microwaving my Pop-Tarts for 15 seconds to cook them that today I feel a phantom guilt hugging my soul so tightly that I’ve become an ardent crusader for the true method of Pop-Tart preparation: freezing.

Such a technique likewise works wonders on Pop-Tarts Bites, which debuted right around this time last year in Brown Sugar Cinnamon and Strawberry. By bringing a thicker crust and more permeating frosted sweetness to portable breakfasts everywhere, these Bites are worthy successors of Pop-Tarts Mini Crisps and Go-Tarts.

So while it was such a no-brainer to bring chocolate into the mix—even if it took 365 days of face-palming obviousness—and while I have no-doubt these will be tasty enough to take permanent residence in my car’s glove box, I again hope Chocolate Fudge isn’t the Rise of Skywalker to an ending Bites-sized trilogy. If we’re gonna milk this pastry franchise for what it’s worth, I want Cookies & Creme, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and Wild Berry too—it’d practically be this series’ Baby Yoda!

News: Upcoming Cereal Round-Up! (Special K, Reese’s Puffs, Honey Bunches & Cinnamon Toast Crunch)

New Special K with Bananas Cereal Box

♫ January, January: brings Dan no sanctuary. ♫

What? If no one else is going to start writing New Year’s carols, I might as well start drafting one to commemorate the first month of the year’s traditionally tumultuous tidal wave of new cereals. Don’t get me wrong, I’m geeked to see 2020’s freshest resolution-busters, but I will say that it’s a difficult time to both keep up and keep my fingers from burning down to the nubs from both friction and fructose.

Oh well: no strain, no whole grain. Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Kellogg’s Mer-Mazing Blue Raspberry Pop-Tarts

Kellogg's New Mer-Mazing Blue Raspberry Pop-Tarts

Alright, who’s in charge of Kellogg’s Adjectival Development Department? I just want to talk.

“Blueberrific” Pop-Tarts Crisps presented a pretty mild misdemeanor of negligent neologizing. But “Mer-Mazing”? That’s a high crime right up there with first-degree mer-der. I mean, I get it: Kellogg’s still had enough of the old Blue Raspberry Pop-Tart filling lying around—I have to imagine this stuff must radioactively decay at the rate of Chernobyl—and wanted to tie into the far-from-floundering mermaid trend. But would it’ve killed them to switch cryptids and debut wordplay so bad it’s good?

Bluepacabra Raspberry just rolls off the severed goat tongue!

In any case, The Tasty Turtle on Instagram is the first to spot these sea-dame snacks at Walmart. Big ups to them for sharing, but I will say this box art leaves me with more questions than answers. Like, why is this blue mermaid incapable of articulately holding a Pop-Tart? How can a Pop-Tart even survive underwater?

And is there another fishy lower body behind that giant Tart, or are we to believe this is a Mer-pastry, who’s sunk eternally to the bottom of the ocean for lack of proper hydrodynamics? The secrets of the deep will forever elude me.

Review: Eggo Cereal (Homestyle Maple & Blueberry!)

Kellogg's New Eggo Cereal Review Boxes

Shhh! Here: take these black robes and put them on. Just don’t make a sound.

Tiptoe around the maple-scented candles and gather round the Ouija Griddle.

Tonight, we’re going to try and summon Waffle Crisp from the grave.

Zounds! Foiled by Beelzegrub himself again! No matter how many boxes of Chicken & Waffles Cereal I sacrifice, the necromancers who dwell in the cursed ruins of Postopia never hear my cries. But all is not lost: my prayers have reached the GRRR-oaning orifices of the Kellogg’s Leviathan, who have rewarded my syrupy blood magics with two boxes of Eggo Cereal. All it took was 10,000 people to discard their souls and retweet the demands of their branded overlords.

But nevertheless, Eggo Cereal is back after 7 years spent in eggs-in-purgatory—in both Maple and Blueberry, at that. But is it a worthy successor to our dearly departed dark amber lord? Allow me to retrieve my devilish pitch-spork and find out. Continue reading

News: Eggo Cereal Officially Returns in Maple & Blueberry

Official Kellogg's Maple Eggo Cereal Review

Could you imagine if there was a new Super Smash Bros. game, and the first characters they announced were like, Birdo, Tingle and Doshin the Giant? And then two months later they drop a cryptic trailer confirming that Mario will be playable this time around?

Yeah, that was the kind of anachronistic vibe I got when news of Blueberry Eggo Cereal dropped some time ago, not long after Eggo got the necessary 10,000 retweets to bring the cereal back. Sure, blueberry and maple is fun, but a) Cap’n Crunch already dropped a passable combo like that, and b) the world has been lost in a haze of log-cabin fever for too long now, after the unjust and untimely death of Waffle Crisp.

See you, griddled cowboy ;__;

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Review: Kellogg’s Elf on the Shelf Cereal

Kellogg's New Elf on the Shelf Cereal Review Box

Picture this:

It’s around 1:00 a.m. on the first of November in this year of MMXIX.

I’ve just returned home in a candy-corned stupor from some manner of haunted manor revelry, only to find a startling scene.

My box of Elf on the Shelf Cereal—the exhausting full name of which is Kellogg’s The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition: Sugar Cookie Cereal with Marshmallows—had toppled from its sturdy coffee table standing onto the living room floor, while meters away, my dear impressionable cat’s food bowl had been knocked across the kitchen floor.

Could some freak breeze or errant radio frequency have unseated the box, triggering my chubby son’s bite and/or flight instinct? Sure.

But could some freaky malevolent watchdog elf have manifested as a cardboard projection, siphoning sustenance from cat kibble before rifling through my unmentionables? Also sure.

One thing’s for certain: good or bad, I need to eat this whole cereal. Only then can I break my homestead free from the decked-out thralls of the shelved elf’s limply puppeted surveillance state.

So you’ve heard of the Elf on the Shelf, but now get ready for A Sentry in Your Pantry. Continue reading