Tag Archives: kelloggs

Review: Peeps Cereal

(Had to show off the lovely ‘Easter Weather’)

Peeps are cute.

There, I said it. Happy now?

I don’t care if loving their pastel colors, minimalistic anatomy, and chibi countenance makes me any less of a gritty, macho cereal blogger—sorry, Mr. Universe: I’m declining the invitation—Peeps will always be welcome on my couch and in my Easter basket, even if I end up forgetting a few half-eaten packages of them under my bed.

My dad will never let me live down that now-mummified mistake.

Aesthetic enchantment aside, I will concede that the flavor and texture of Peeps is a polarizing and tinglingly molarizing issue. While I appreciate topiary marshmallow art when it’s seasonally appropriate, I can empathize with those who avoid the chicks and bunnies like glittered styrofoam.

Because even for me, the initial thought of a Peeps Cereal seemed foreboding. Along with Sour Patch Kids Cereal and upcoming Chicken & Waffles Cereal, it felt as if three of the four cereal horsemen of the apocalypse were leading their steeds away from milky troughs and into battle. And seeing that it’s a “marshmallow-flavored cereal with marshmallows” only made me welcome whatever cereal Death’s white mare will rear (Scynnamon Scythes?).

But then I saw the box, and my worries melted into a childish frenzy of “gotta try it” tunnel vision. I mean, just look at those loop colors: I want a beaded curtain of ’em! So whether you’re a Peeps fan or protestor, join me in my trip down the double-‘mallowed rabbit hole. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, kelloggs, marshmallow, spring. 4 Comments

Jan. ’19

Review: New Pop-Tarts Cereal (Strawberry & Brown Sugar Cinnamon!)

Go ahead: try and name a type of food that wouldn’t work as an adapted Pop-Tart.

A Pop-Tart Casserole? Ha, you doubt the binding power of sweet potato and marshmallow fluff.

Pop-Tart Steak? Psh, what is a grill but a giant toaster?

Pop-Tart Ravioli? I’m not even going there.

The point is that we probably shouldn’t expect Pop-Tarts’ attempted assimilation of the entire grocery store any time soon. They’ve already got the breakfast game on lock, in their classic form and in these new Pop-Tart Cereals. And their latest pouched, lunchtime snacks are poised to make Mother’s Animal Crackers cry Uncle by February. By this time next year, we’ll be eating Pop-Tarts-flavored Pop-Tarts for post-dinner breakfast. Assuming we left room after that schuh-rumptious Pop-Tarts Bolognese you made, Mrs. G. Seriously, my compliments.

Pop-Tart Bites and Crisps already wowed me, so I’m entering this first-of-the-year review with enthusiastic resolve: to eat more shape-shifting pastries than last year, in more forms than ever before. After all, Pop-Tart Cereal is the post-Internet-killing-the-video-star descendant of Pop-Tarts Crunch, a cereal remembered with near-universal fondness. What could go wrong?

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, cinnamon, kelloggs, pop-tarts, strawberry. 12 Comments

Jun. ’18

Review: Vanilla Latte Frosted Mini-Wheats

I don’t know which age gap is bigger here: the one between the elderly countenance of fibrous shredded wheat and the inherent hip and/or intellectual youthfulness of a vanilla latte, or the quantum leap between that same vanilla latte and the disturbingly clownish/juvenile bootleg SpongeBob face of Frosted Mini-Wheats’ new(ish) mascot design.

Most know by now, but I have negative fondness for him. I believe his parents were a normal Frosted Mini-Wheat and a blob of radioactive sewage.

All Geiger counters in my Amazon cart aside, I’m excited to try the non-buffoonishly anthropomorphized Vanilla Latte Frosted Mini-Wheats that lie inside, perhaps in a steam of powdered sugar.

Because Kellogg’s is one for one on Vanilla Latte sweets, meaning if they knock this out of the park, Chocolate Mocha Mini-Wheats can’t be far behind.

Let’s hasten history!

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, coffee, kelloggs, mini-wheats. 9 Comments

Jun. ’18

Review: Kellogg’s Raisin Brain with Bananas Cereal

Donot mess with bananas.

I’m convinced that, for a while now, whatever divine, potassium-based organisms control the world’s banana populations, they’re powerful enough to initiate a new, yellower world order from the safety of their unassuming peels.

How do I know this? Just look at every banana cereal of note: the winsome weirdness of Urkel Os. The untold smoothie sorcery of Minions Cereal. The nutty nuance of Banana Nut Cheerios. And the baked-in brown sugar bravery of Banana Bread Shreddies.

They hardly got any buzz, yet they nearly gave me an intoxicated buzz of ethereally fruity deliciousness.

That kind of untapped, Luke Skywalker-troubling power is what makes me both fear and salivate over Kellogg’s new Raisin Bran with Bananas. RB isn’t the Kellogg’s mainstay I’d expected to take on dried ‘nanner discs (hello, Special K), but the healthiness of dry fruit does seem like an auspicious counterpart for a cereal so famously mocked for its droll, fiberous flavor.

So like Revenge of the Nerds, the oft-lampooned Raisin Bran sun is ditching his usual bunches and letting slip a fury of bunch-powered flakes.

Be careful which heavenly body you call boring in middle school.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: banana, kelloggs, raisin bran. 8 Comments

May. ’18

Review: Pop-Tarts Strawberry Cheesecake Splitz

Leave it to Kellogg’s to know what we want, before we even want it.

If the arcane flavor wizards behind Pop-Tarts came to me like genies in the night, asking what my ideal combo of an old and new toaster pastry would be, it wouldn’t include Strawberry and Cheesecake—only because I’m not creative enough. I’d probably say something dumb, like Maple Brown Sugar + Honey, Raspberry + Doughnut, or Chocolate Fudge + Cookie Butter.

Wait, wait: those are good ideas. Who told you I wasn’t creative, Kellogg’s? Get your best poppin’ people on these! But seriously, Strawberry Cheesecake Pop-Tarts are genius, too. So genius, that I’d love to see a whole factory, just making cheesecake Pop-Tarts!

I’d call it…The Mascarpone Mill.

While the idea is good, the last Pop-Tarts Splitz I had left me a little apprehensive—its two strong flavor personalities argued more than they played nice—so the only solution is to dive in to one of these suckers like a kid into a pool full of cheesecake.

(If I say “pool full of cheesecake” enough times, I’m hoping Sara Lee will make it a reality) Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs, pop-tarts. 2 Comments

May. ’18

Review: Pop-Tarts Sugar Cookie & Brownie Batter Splitz

You can’t just slap two things together and expect it to be delicious. As a midnight pantry plunderer since a young age, I’ve learned this the hard way. Because it’s a slippery slope. First there’s peanut butter and honey sandwiches, then there’s peanut butter and pickles.

Before long, you’ve branched out into condiments and there’s ketchup on your Cheetos and popcorn. Shame not the boy I was: admire the man it hardened me into.

The first of Pop-Tarts’ two* new** Splitz varieties is far less risky—sugar cookies and brownies are long-time alumni of Grandma’s Dessert Table University—but it doesn’t necessarily mean the two are better together.

I mean, one was voted Most Creative (because of the icing) and the other was voted Biggest Stoner.

Of course, the only way to test these two’s flavor chemistry is to hunker down on the couch with a box and hope my pants down split three pastries later. A paramedic with a sewing machine is on hand.

*The other is Strawberry Cheesecake.

*Not entirely new: P-T Splitz were born and killed a decade ago in more boring flavors.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews, Uncategorized. Tags: 7 rating, chocolate, kelloggs, pop-tarts. 1 Comment

Apr. ’18

News: Wild Berry Froot Loops, Banana Raisin Bran, & Vanilla Latte Mini-Wheats!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BiDj6SInltB/?taken-by=markie_devo

If you need a minute to process the title you just read, feel free to step outside, have a deep breath/smoke/Tums, or maybe just scream “It’s my money, and I need to spend it on cereal now!”

Yes, it’s not often we get an unexpected cereal bomb like the one Kellogg’s just dropped. Rumors about Wild Berry Froot Loops, Banana Raisin Bran, and Vanilla Latte Mini-Wheats have been swirling around the internet recently, but now that we have photo confirmation from markie_devo on Instagram, we’re free to let our country divide itself into a three-party system about which flavor will be best. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: froot loops, kelloggs, mini-wheats, raisin bran. 1 Comment

Apr. ’18

Review: Steak ‘n Shake Froot Loops Milkshake

Toucan Sam himself always told kids to “follow your nose!” And I’m glad he did, because I’ve got a good nose for B.S. (Bumbling Shenanigans).

What do I mean by this? Oh, just the last 5/11 of Steak ‘n Shake’s name. For a place that prides itself on its arctic milk products, presumably made by milking polar bears, a lot of Steak ‘n Shake’s milkshakes seem a little lazy—almost as lazy as putting only one apostrophe on a truncated conjunction that deserves two.

But that’s none of my fast food business, I say while sipping a milkshake like it’s hot tea.

The shakes, on the other hand, are my bloggerly business, and time and time again, I’ve been disappointed by S&S shakes that don’t make the most of their ingredients, instead seemingly dusting chunks of M&M’s, Kit Kats, Cocoa Krispies, or otherwise, when the more logical thing to use would be a flavored ice cream base.

This is why I’m remaining tentatively skeptical of the chain’s new Froot Loops Shake: joining a quintet of other breakfast flavors, this dairy concoction is far from daring. Not only has it been done before, but this Froot Loops Shake has huge talons to fill, as last year’s Burger King Froot Loops Shake was a fantastic tropical elixir infused with magical cereal syrup.

I don’t expect Steak ‘n Shake to use fancy strawberry ice cream or anything, but are a few pumps of mysterious fruit goo too much to ask? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, froot loops, kelloggs. Leave a comment