Posts Tagged: honey bunches of oats
Review: Salted Caramel Honey Bunches of Oats
I’ve got a fresh theory for you. Pull up a chair, imagine me seated backwards in one, and tell me what you think of this:
See, I’ve been thinking. With 9(!) years of cereal journalism quite literally under my belt, what am I even looking for from the cereal industry any more? While I still love cereal, it’s hard to deny that I’ve lost a lot of hope that Big Cereal will ever do the right thing and release thoughtful, heartily formulated new products that will put a smile on my face and intestines alike—y’know, like they used to, back in the day.
Lately it seems like General Mills, Kellogg’s, and their ilk (though Post is the closest to upholding quality standards [hint hint about this review’s conclusion]) have been in a race to the bottom, rehashing existing cereals or covertly cheapening their recipes to save a little money at the expense of edibility and consequent enjoyability.
So, naturally, I should be praying for bombastic breakfast innovation, right? That’s what I thought for a while. Why, then, has every recent attempt at taking cereal to brave new frontiers kind of, well, flopped like a fish in a tank of New Coke?
It’s pretty simple: from cereals that do in-mouth climate control to flavors that could generously be described as “unique,” these innovations aren’t anything anyone is actually asking for! (Now that’s what I call dissonance amongst assonance.)
What do I want, then? Well if bland reskins and vulgar palate fumigants are on opposite ends of the objectionable cereal continuum, perhaps the apex of golden, agreeable achievement lies somewhere in the middle—and there is perhaps no better cereal to support that hypothesis than new Salted Caramel Honey Bunches of Oats.
(Well, maybe there’s one better cereal. But we’ll get to that!)
Review: Honey Brunches of Oats Chicken & Waffles + Maple Bacon Donut Cereals!
National Cereal Day is a funny holiday.
See, despite the best efforts of cereal curators and Ralston researchers such as myself, no one knows exactly when this crunchiest day of the year was first commemorated, nor who it was that first raised their (presumably) marble mug–bowl hybrid to propose the occasion. That said, if you’d like to pretend it was my Great Grand-Pappy Cerealously IV, a humble Crunch Berry farmer from the milkily humid tropics, I wouldn’t be opposed.
All we know is that since the day starting gaining mainstream traction near the turn of the 21st century, National Cereal Day has remained more popular amongst food and local news outlets than other, more contested days. Perhaps it’s a testament to the comparative cultural significance of breakfast cereal, or perhaps just to the PR power of big cereal companies—bless them all for stocking my pantry in time for National Napping Day next week.
Regardless of the date’s disputed origins, it almost always creeps up on me like a ghost in the night or the smotherly love of a 5am house cat. I tend to myself awakening in disbelief to “March 7th” on the calendar, scrambling past my plans for scrambled eggs to write something fitting for this blog’s bona fide breakfast star. But this year, my resolve was steely and my focus was clear: I simply had to write about the already-legendary Honey Brunches of Oats flavors Post has released to both celebrate National Cereal Day and potentially initiate a bold new phase of the foodstuff’s future:
A dawning golden-brown—and perhaps, eventually, honey-mustardy—era of savory cereal.
Both these bite-sized barn animals have already been spotted in both Giant Eagle and Walmart stores, but my journey from farm to pantry was more of an a-graze-ing race. The kind folks at Post offered to send me a box, but after a postal system error—during which I cursed imagined package thieves before pitying them for the surprisingly fowl bounty they were about to unbox—I had to leave a polite mailbox note and desperately wait to hear from a distant neighbor in hopes they’d still have what was mistakenly delivered to them.
Thankfully, this kind soul was able to recover my morning soul food, and here I sit: pastorally sampling the stuff to see if it’s cud worth chewing or a dud worth ptooey-ing.
News: Maple Bacon Donuts Cereal is Coming for National Cereal Day!
Thought Chicken & Waffles Cereal was going to get lonely in your pantry, ostracized by the other, “normal” cereals? Well fear no more: Post & the temporarily name-tweaked Honey Brunches of Oats are raising another barnyard cereal for National Cereal Day, so both sweet-meat munchies can find solidarity together as they slowly expire on your shelves.
Well, maybe. While I’ve voiced my hesitations about faux-flesh-flavored cereals, I have to admit the possibility that they may actually be good. After all, Maple Bacon is a bit more tame—especially given its pastried precedent—and given Post’s recent doughnutted decadence, I’m certainly willing to give this one a hearty (but hopefully not hot-doggy) try.
These Honey Brunches of Oats cereals will be hitting Walmart on or around 3/7/19. Though there’s still no word on whether the brand plans to complete their essential meat trilogy with Sweet & Spicy Hunan Beef Bites.
Review: Honey Bunches of Oats Apple Caramel Crunch
You’ve heard of snack attacks, but what about sneack attacks?
No, that’s not a typo: I firmly believe that Honey Bunches of Oats has perfected the art of the 800-pound guerrilla breakfast bombardment. Not even counting the recent, off-brand and Internet-splintering news of Honey Brunches of Oats Chicken & Waffles Cereal, the now 30-year old cereal brand has a history of dropping sneakily scrumptious new flavors at the start of the year, without the preemptive fanfare we see from most crunch-slingers.
In 2016, the masters of crispy (fried poultry or otherwise) flakes and granola bunches brought back Chocolate Honey Bunches of Oats, and in 2018 we got the criminally underrated Pecan & Maple Brown Sugar HBoOats. Pulling another break-fast one on us, 2019 has now been blessed with Apple Caramel Crunch Honey Bunches of Oats.
More than just an exciting concept, this is only the second major caramel apple cereal after 2011’s bone-mealed Caramel Apple Boulders. Where caramel apple’s sister flavor, apple cinnamon, gets a lot of cereal aisle representation—including an apparently discontinued(?) Honey Bunches variety—I’m glad to see its stickier sibling finally getting exposure.
Even if it is half a year before caramel apple’s typical seasonal setting of booing and bobbing. Guess I’ll just have to cut some eyeholes in my winter-grade weighted blanket before eating.
News: Honey Brunches of Oats Chicken & Waffles Cereal is Coming for National Cereal Day!
*Frantically checks calendar*
Oh no, this is all wrong: April 1st is still months (of snow and slush) away. I’m afraid we must accept an uncomfortable truth—food science’s rate of cereal experimentation has mutated far faster and more disturbingly than any human could possibly orchestrate.
Breakfast must be growing self aware. And it wants a taste of intelligent life.
First we saw cereal take on the shape and emotional imbalance of young humans. Soon it will use malleable marshmallow to mimic our planet’s cutest animals. But with this latest news? It’s trying to transmute itself into flesh.
Just a week ago, I got a cryptic tip in the comments section about a possible pseudo-Waffle Crisp revival. It wasn’t hard to picture what flavor was being hinted at, but I ultimately had no visual reference to go off of.
That is, until today, when Instagram users Dan J. and Canadian Candy Hunters shared this very real, very mouthwatering pore-watering box of Post & Honey Bunches of Oats’ Chicken & Waffles Cereal in Toronto. But while it may make sense that this sticky-skinned Southern comfort flavor has flown to land of maple syrup, U.S. thrill and grill-seekers need not fret: this Canadian-made cereal is hitting America.
Review: Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Bunches with Almonds
Da-da-dum da-da-dum, da-da-dum-dum-dum.
Da-da-dum da-da-dum, da-da-dum-dum-dum.
da-da-dum da-da-dum da-da-dum-dum-dum DA-DA-DUUUUM da-da-dum-dum-dum.
If you couldn’t tell by my horrible phonetic theme song translation, this is officially part two (outta who even knows any more) of Cerealously’s Banana Cereal Bonanza, an unplanned event kicked-off deliciously by Kellogg’s and now perpetuated by Post’s Honey Bunches of Oats, one of their flagship, 10/10-earning cereal series that has hitherto been left out of Post’s noteworthy recent resurgence.
But no longer: no cereal brand can slip past Post’s cereal war draft, so now Honey Bunches of Oats (specifically their cult favorite almond variety), has slipped right into the fray Mario Kart-style, on the peeled wings of some smiling banana angels, whose flavor has allegedly been baked into every eponymous granola bunch.
As an expert on Mario Kart theology—divine intervention once saved me on Rainbow Road—I intend to test this theory with a spoon as my chalice.
Review: Pecan & Maple Brown Sugar Honey Bunches of Oats
Has Honey Bunches of Oats been taking lessons from Nintendo?
Because Nintendo is the master of releasing “upgrades” that are actually wholly new, entirely better products. The Nintendo Entertainment System and the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. The Game Boy and the Game Boy Advance. The Wii and the Wii U. Luigi and Waluigi. The list goes on.
Post must be studying in Mario’s dojo, because even though Pecan & Maple Brown Sugar Honey Bunches of Oats are billed as an “improved” version of their old Pecan Honey Bunches of Oats, I can already tell this new cereal’s going to render its predecessor totally obsolete.
Which is a good thing, because you can’t even buy Pecan Honey Bunches of Oats any more. How do I know? Because one look at Honey Bunches of Oats’s Facebook page reveals a dedicated legion of Pecan Honey Bunch lovers who continually mourn the loss of their dearly beloved, roasted nut-flavored breakfast product.
Well, let’s just hope this cult following approves of Pecan & Maple Brown Sugar Honey Bunches of Oats. Otherwise there might be a nutty Internet meltdown, the likes of which hasn’t been seen since 2016’s infamous Hostess Suzy Q fiasco.
Review: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Crunch O’s: Honey and Almond
Could it be? Do I really no longer have to waste my time mixing Honey Bunches of Oats with Honey Nut Cheerios to create my favorite FrankenCereal creation: Honey Nut Bunches of CheeriOats?
There are few cereal combos I love more than the sticky, nutty rings of Honey Nut Cheerios tag-teaming it with the crispy flakes and earthy, rich clusters of Honey Bunches of Oats. But think of the hassle it takes to prepare a bowl: I have to grab a box, pour it into a bowl, then grab another box, and pour that one too! Even Atlas couldn’t shoulder this burden.
Oh, and did I mention that I have to physically mix the two with my spoon like some antiquated pilgrim on her butter churn? C’mon, it’s the 21st century, people!
But no longer, because Post has released Honey Bunches of Oats Crunch O’s, in both Honey and Almond flavors. These cereals combine the Honey Bunches we know and love with crunchy oat ovals, thus maximizing my morning laziness.
But do the flavors of these cereals stack up to my manual concoctions? Well churn my butter and call me Jebediah, because we’re about to find out.
Recent Comments