It’s Christmas Eve Eve, or, as some call it: Christmas Adam.
The icing smiles on my gingerbread men are drying, unaware of the gruesome fates that will soon befall them. My cat is snuggled under my tree, equally unaware that presents will soon be infringing on her pine-scented territory. And, of course, there’s me, doing my best Dune voice in front of my refrigerator and whispering, “The nog must flow”to a room populated only by myself, a cat, and an army of doughy gentlemen.
Oh! And there’s this box of Rice Krispies with Holiday Colors! Continue reading →
I bet you expected me to start this review off with a snarky Christmas pun, right? Well to completely subvert your expectations, allow me to pose you a question:
Do you remember that episode of Yu-Gi-Oh where the villainous Maximillion Pegasus traps Yugi’s grandpa in soulless, unmoving card?
Though I’m sure the majority response to my question will be “Of course not: I have better uses for my brain’s real estate than oddly specific memories of early 2000s children’s cartoons,” this reference is appropriate for reviewing 2015’s rendition of Cap’n Crunch’s annual Christmas Crunch offering.
Why?
Because the gosh darn box refuses to change or have any soul!Continue reading →
In the checkout lane, my bought milk is glistening.
A fruity sweet sight, I’ll be eating tonight:
Chalkin’ in a Winter Blast ‘mallow land!
Good luck topping that instant classic, Michael Bublé! That’s right, my fellow cereal-loving, holiday-hyping friends, today’s seasonally appropriate review will be of Froot Loops with Winter Blast Marshmallows, a new offering from Kellogg’s for 2015 that takes the Froot Loops we all know and love (to chug down with milk!) and pairs them with little white and blue winter chalk nuggets…I mean marshmallows!
But what do these “Winter Blast” marshmallows have that differentiates them from regular Froot Loops with Marshmallows, or even with this past October’s Halloween Froot Loops with Skeleton Marshmallows? I know you’re shaking with anticipation, so please just watch the entirety of this video, and then I’ll tell you! Continue reading →
I love gingerbread. I’m saying it now. I’m saying it in short, staccato sentences. I love gingerbread men. I love gingerbread houses. I love the character of Gingy in the Shrek films. I insist people call me “Gingerbread Dan” around Christmastime. I’d give up an arm and a leg of my own if it meant getting the chance to bite the arms and legs off of a discontinued Kemps Gingerbread Man ice cream sandwich again.
I love their earthy color. I love the blend of spices. I love the molasses. But most of all, I love the sadistic joy of tearing a soft, pliable sugar man limb from tasty limb all in the name of holiday spirit. Please mention that last sentence in my eulogy.
To any cereal company reading this, I have only 3 words: Gingerbread. Cereal. PLEASE.
I’ve campaigned for gingerbread flavored cereals before to no avail. So that’s why when I heard about Trader Joe’s new Cranberry Gingerbread Granola, my heart started pumping faster than the Gingerbread Man’s when he’s running away from those who chase him. But will this mix of “whole grain oats with dried cranberries, ginger, and wintry spices” be a winter win? Continue reading →
We’re a few days deep into December now, and even though I have yet to be buried a few feet deep in snow, the holiday spirit is already coursing through my veins like some sort of magical energizing fifth humor that the Greeks never noticed. Or maybe I’m just feeling a rush from all the sugar in this Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch.
Returning in a new, vibrant red packaging for 2015 (SCTC debuted last winter), Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch combines 4 of the greatest words of all time into one great cereal name. I mean, seriously: sugar, cookie, toast, and crunch. Each of these words on its own represents something fantastic and delightful, and now they’re all partying together in the form of white powdered flakes.
The only way General Mills could’ve made the name more badass is if they somehow worked in the word “Tyrannosaurus.”
It’s beginning to look a lot like…Froot Loops! Everywhereeee you goooo!
While I can only sit and wish that the sky sprinkled drifts of colorful Froot Loops onto my lawn instead of snow (I’d much rather shovel the driveway with a spoon), I guess I can still be thankful that Kellogg’s is getting into the spirit of the season with this new winter variant of Froot Loops.
I haven’t been able to find this cereal in stores yet (though the snow has already arrived outside. *Grumble grumble*), but these were spotted by reader Marc P. Thanks as usual, Marc! Now what exactly are “Winter Blast Marshmallows?”
Are they minty toothpaste flavored? (Gee, I sure hope not.)
Are they snickerdoodle flavored? (Gee, I sure hope so.)
Are they just plain ol’ cereal marshmallows recolored to look like snowballs? (Gee…that’s probably the case.)
Regardless, I look forward to munching a bowlful of these with a mug of hot cocoa, a roaring fireplace, and A Christmas Story on infinite repeat (Froot Loops are a major award!).
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With Halloween just 2 days in the grave, you know what that means: time for food companies to go hog wild on marketing for the secularly ambiguous “holiday season.”
Or should I say “nog wild?” It’s about time we got an eggnog flavored cereal.
Now I love Thanksgiving just as much, if not more than the next guy—Mashed Potato-ism is my formally declared religion—but since we’re unlikely to see any turducken flavored cereals in the near future, it’s worth cutting straight to the red and green.
And while I’m not sure if these Rice Krispies Treats are new for 2015, please don’t tell me. I want to preserve the Christmas magic, as if these Treats were marshmallowy embodiments of Santa Claus himself. Let’s review!
