Tag Archives: holiday

Review: Trader Joe’s Gingerbread Spice Granola

Trader Joe's Gingerbread Spice Granola Review Pouch

Ginger is the Michael Ironside of spices. That is to say, you may not recognize the flavor on its own, but that spicy rhizome appears in just about every baked worth its sodium bicarbonate. Like the iconically forgotten character actor, ginger is more versatile than a cyborg tardigrade. We’re talking about a guy who has shown up in everything from The A-Team to some project called Lucky’s Treasure, which seems relevant to our interests*.

And like that masterful performer, the absence of ginger is more notable than its presence. It’s no secret that a real gingerbread cereal has been at the top of our wish list for years (no, I refuse to recognize that failed prototype). Like Dan, I’m heavy on anything made of, containing, smelling like, or crafted in the same kitchen as gingerbread. Cookies? Absolutely. Cake? I believe that would be an empty plate you’re holding. Post-Thanksgiving, we’ve officially entered Hansel and Gretel territory until well into February. Trader Joe’s, ever on their seasonal jam, recently dropped this spicy bomb on us: Gingerbread Spice Granola.

As a cereal journalist-slash-critic, I have carefully tempered expectations most of the time. Not here, though. The package art alone is enough to breathe life into my Grinchy sense of objectivity (can we have Michael Ironside in that movie, too? Don’t tell me Col. Dugan harassing some Whovillians wouldn’t be a masterwork). It’s no Gingerbread Toast Crunch, but gingerbread in any form is cause for high hopes. To the bowl! Continue reading

Review: Millville Snickerdoodle Kookies Cereal

Millville Aldi Snickerdoodle Kookies Cereal Review Box

Is it time for a Cinnamon Toast Coup yet?

Loose crunchologic records suggest the crazy squared cereal’s cinnamon dynasty dates back to roughly the Byzantine era, while recent calcium dating suggests its dominance began way back in the Earth’s primordial soup, wherein the CTC clan of sugar-specked protozoa were the only ones of their kind that didn’t sog into earlier extinction.

Regardless of its origin, there’s little doubt that Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the most popular cinnamon cereal out there. And while I love CTC and its rich pedigree of powdered and breaded breakfast-stuff, I’ve long hoped for a challenger to the throne.

Because if the cinnamon spice must flow, so too must some fresh milk.

Despite Kellogg’s best efforts, they haven’t come close, while Post and Quaker’s strongest cinna-sieges are comfort classics at best. I guess it’s up to Millville, Aldi store-brand underdog and possible puppet organization, to come out of left field with a cinnamon-seasoned seasonal cereal and hopefully blow me away…from my Cinnamon Toast addiction for at least a few merry mouthfuls.

So come, Snickerdoodle Kookies, first of the S. Doodle cereal lineage: show me what you’re really made of, and don’t hold back. Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Jewel Signature Select Hot Cocoa O’s

https://www.instagram.com/p/BqqSiqyA3AP/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1vtajq7hl3p8e

You know what they say: imitation is the sincerest form of fattening.

Wait, did I get that right?

Maybe I’ve got too many sugary snacks on the brain, but after seeing @dadbodsnacks‘ latest delectable discovery, Jewel’s Signature Select Hot Cocoa O’s, I can’t help but conspiracy-theorize that these really are just Trader Joe’s Hot Cocoa O’s rebranded, as they look exactly the same, right down the chubby chiclet marshmallows.

After all, it wouldn’t even be the first case of store-branded Christmastime cereal counterfeiting we’ve seen this week. Much like how on the internet, no one knows you’re a dog, in the cereal aisle, no one truly knows if you stole your idea from a Wolf or any other average Joe.

Whether or not these Hot Cocoa O’s were birthed from T. Joe’s family jewels may never be disclosed—and since there’s no Jewel store near me, I likely won’t be able to do a direct Joe-xtaposition.

Not that I would particularly want to anyway, as those who keep up on Cerealously’s power rankings will remember I thought TJ’s Hot Cocoa O’s, with their gummy texture and weirdly chewy marbits, is probably the worst holiday cereal in recent memory. The veritable coal or Krampus of the breakfast world, it’s the direct antithesis of Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch.

And I suggest keeping the two far, far apart, lest we accidentally kick off some sort of artificially flavored armageddon.

So happy holidays from a distance, Jewel & Joe: I never thought I’d say this, but just send me fruit cake instead.

Spooned & Spotted: Millville Snickerdoodle Kookies Cereal

https://www.instagram.com/p/BqidYRmlsQl/

What if the Vatican City was the first country to reach the moon?

What if RC Cola proudly flowed through every soda fountain in the world?

What if Jitterbug beat Apple to the iPhone?

It’s hard to imagine the smallest underdogs in a given industry toppling the giants in terms of originality or innovation. But with the latest new holiday cereal to hit shelves, we might just see Christmas Crunch, Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch, and its fellow kings of the snow hill ho-ho-hoisted from their flaky ivory towers.

Well, maybe.

Continue reading

Review: Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch (2018)

Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch Review Box

We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a breakfast star.

Our dearly departed Cinnamon Star Crunch, who will remain in our hearts, minds, and stomach memories forever, lived a short life. Only on shelves for the 2016 holiday season, the tragically young crunchy cinnamon stars have now died a second death.

To paraphrase Banksy, who, like the palate-tearing stars, enjoys shredding things, “They say you’re discontinued twice. Once when you stop crunching and the second, a bit later on, when somebody mentions your limited edition existence for the last time.” 

You see, now that Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch, the ivory-sugared golden boy of holiday seasons 2015 & 2016, has returned to the delight of many, its deliciously

raw (yet processed) yuletide impact will likely wipe Cinnamon Star Crunch from our collective cultural memory. It’s up to we few remaining cereal historians to preserve the cereal’s name, and its sort of, well, uniquely, umm…it tasted like cinnamon, right?

Wait, what am I doing in this black suit and tie? I’ve got Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch to eat!  Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Cap’n Crunch’s Christmas Crunch (2018)

https://www.instagram.com/p/BpTCEAzgwlk/?taken-by=dadbodsnacks

I know Christmas-colored Cap’n Crunch cereal looks so tasty you could swallow a box in a single spoonful, but come on: cough it up.

No, not the cereal. And not you, dear reader, either. I’m talking to Quaker, Post, and the rest of the Elder Quartet of Cereal Corps.

They need to cough up a couple Xboxes, or at least some good tube socks (silky ones!), because if Big Cereal wants to keep bringing holiday season cereals into prime ‘stumin’ season—that’s costumin’ for the un-apostrophed time spenders out there—they better give me gifts all October long.

Seriously, is it that tough for Kellogg’s to fill my burlap autumn stockings with a gallon of grade-A E.L. Fudge filling?

Especially since Quaker seems to be continuing its streak of repeating the same Christmas Crunch art for multiple year cycles, as evidenced by this early box found by Dad Bod Snacks on Instagram.

Definitely more naughty than nice, this is the third year Cap’n Crunch’s iconic yuletide Crunch Berries variant—which really doesn’t taste any different—will be using the once amazing, but now slightly stale Christmas Vacation-style box art.

You’d think futzing with those lights for long enough would light a creative spark in the ol’ Cap’n.

So while I’ll have to hold out another year for the Elf and A Christmas Story Crunchological parodies I keep imagining—with Crunch Berries shaped like legs and syruped spaghetti—it’s good to know that if the early November blahs get to me, I can plunker down with the Cap’n and some eggnog and have a merry time.

Though it’d be merrier if the nog was spiked with elven sandwich cookie innards.

Review: Trader Joe’s Hot Cocoa Frosted Toaster Pastries

Trader Joe's Hot Cocoa Toaster Pastries Review Box

If bizarre sci-fi television series from the ’90s have taught me anything, it’s that there are parallel versions of this world couched in other universes. Some have minor differences, like a perplexing land in which Thanksgiving is celebrated in October. In others, though, we might see some truly uncanny results of the Butterfly Effect. It seems Trader Joe’s mad scientist cousin (unlike Trader José, Dr. Trader Cornelius lacked the name chops for his family’s grocery biz) has been messing with enriched choclanium again, because my preferred cozy beverage has merged with another snackish reality, just like that time Captain America met Batman.

Trader Joe’s Organic Hot Cocoa Frosted Toaster Pastries arrived as something of a dark horse (see, it works as a reference to both comic books and chocolate… I’m a lonely man, OK?). Without much heralding, these sly slats of sweet science turned up on shelves recently, if a bit out-of-season given their clear holiday vibe. The packaging is plain in that TJ’s way, so we get no hints on the flavor there. Best to dive in and see what’s on the other end of this iced nexus.

Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Chocolatey Winter Lucky Charms Cereal

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn0FoCeBnSj/?taken-by=jhome_market

What’s the regifting equivalent of that old grade school exchange? You know, the one that goes, “Hey, can I copy your homework?” “Okay but change it up a little so it’s not obvious.”

I’d imagine that a similar kind of yuletide tomfoolery would involve spray painting unwanted tube socks, or maybe deep frying a fruit cake.

Or, you know, something like Lucky Charms’ “new” cereal variety for Holiday 2018.

See, the reason the above image, discovered by @jhome_market on Instagram, looks about as uncannily familiar as an Orwellian news report is because last year General Mills released Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms alongside the spellcheck-triggering redundancy of Hot Cocoa Cocoa Puffs. But this time, they’re evidently cutting their losses, cutting their creativity, and splicing 2017’s snowiest cereals together into one cereal that totally hasn’t been made before. Next thing we know, Big Lucky is going to tell us we’ve always been at war with Kellogg’s.

Last year’s supernova, elongated pacifier, and marshmallow-shaped marshmallows are returning too, again masquerading as snowflakes, snowballs, and snowpersons. A final unwelcome comeback is Chocolate Lucky Charms’ bizarre tradition of using corn instead of oat ingredients, a snowshoe-sized misstep that swaps Lucky Charms’ iconic density with something more hollow and starchy.

So apologies for my preemptive Grinchitude—I’m just not looking forward to not getting a Gingerbread Toast Crunch again this year. I’d even settle for Coal-coa Puffs. But until we know more about this December’s cereal lineup, I give my thanks to jhome_market for sharing (the cereal can be found at Walmart, so far). And if you see a new or interesting cereal, be sure to send it to our Submissions page for a chance to see it here.

Have a holly jolly leaf raking!