Cheeri-Oats are the Cheery G.O.A.T.s!

There ya go, General Mills: I just wrote you a free catchphrase that uses trendy lingo all today’s kids can relate to.

What’s that you say? I’m not a youth any more, let alone a hip nor happenin’ one? Well listen, I came here to review twice-fruited Cheerios, not walk right into a self-inflicted existential crisis like Sideshow Bob into a rake.

The point of my haplessly out-of-touch sloganeering was to simply point out how, as a brand, Cheerios does not miss. Those dense ‘n’ hearty toasted oat rings are the perfect vehicles for any flavor imaginable, to the point where I can’t think of a Cheerios variety I didn’t like. At worst, you’ll get something that’s just plain solid like Chocolate Strawberry Cheerios, but more often than not, Cheerios is cranking, churning, extruding, and glazing out hit after hit—to the point where it starts to make little sense why less impeccably consistent cereal lines like Lucky Charms and the Toast Crunch family seem to get all the public praise.

I get it, though. Cheerios doesn’t have the same bombastic, kid-focused and mascot-fronted brand appeal, but darn it, Cheerios should. As one of the last breakfast aisle bastion’s of purely oat-powered acumen, Cheerios deserves first dibs when it comes to creative new flavor infusions.

And if, somehow, you needed even more convincing proof of Cheerios’ wholesome bowlsome of O-some awesomeness, look no further than these new Strawberry Banana Cheerios. Continue reading →