They taste exactly the same as normal Lucky Charms.
There. If you were wondering whether Lucky Charms’s new Mixed-Up Marshmallows have wacky flavors, there’s your answer. I won’t blame you if you leave the site now and go read Joyce’s Ulysses, watch Chocolate Rain for the thousandth time, or do whatever else the hip young kids are doing these days.
But if you want to stay, I’ll provide my thrilling theory behind this new cereal and a thoughtful ranking of which new marshmallows are the coolest.
Still with me? Let’s put on our tinfoil hats and munch multicolored marbits together! Continue reading →
I know it’ll be hard to work a bowl of your favorite breakfast cereal into this day of turkey, green bean casserole, and yams glazed with some magic syrup your grandma must’ve bartered with Zeus to obtain, so I won’t blame you if you go breakfast-lite today.
But I’ll also give you six words: Cap’n Crunch in the mashed potatoes.
Regardless of how many Crunchberries find their way into today’s turducken, those of us gestating through day-long food comas can still celebrate cereal’s spirit by gobbling down the latest 5 episodes of cereal pilgrim Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time YouTube series. Every episode is a feast for the senses, as Gabe nostalgically waxes on the past and future of a different cereal each week.
I apologize for stuffing so many episode recaps into a single post, but hey—it is the season of stuffing.
While America’s northern neighbors may not get a lot of the exclusive flavors we get in the States (I’m dedicating my Orange CreamPop Crunch box to you, Canada), they sure do get a lot of cool cereal package designs.
Take these bold Star Wars Cheerios boxes—presumably released in anticipation of this winter’s Rogue One—for example. While in the U.S., we merely got General Mills Mascots redesigned in Star Wars garb for The Force Awakens, Canadian breakfasters get to make eye contact with Darth Vader himself.
Now I just want to see Buzz the Bee face off against the Sith Lord. While my money’s on Anakin, Buzz’s wings do give him the higher ground.
But it isn’t just lightsabers that’ll be gracing Canadian kitchen tables. They get linebackers, too. Continue reading →
O Cookie! my Cookie! our sweet breakfasts are done,
My spoon is in the dishwasher rack, your “prize inside” was fun,
December’s near, Salvation Army bells I hear, the people’s stomachs rumbling,
While eyes scan the cereal aisle, the boxes plump and shining;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O this new bleeding box of red,
While in the trash my last Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch lies,
Eaten, empty, and dead.
Okay, I could easily go on for two more verses, fervently typing until my own fingers fall cold and dead, but I think it’s time to move on and face the facts. Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch was arguably the most revolutionary Holiday cereal in years, but after a two-year tenure on shelves, it has been unexpectedly replaced by Generals Mills’s new Cinnamon Star Crunch. My instinct is to remain pouty and cynical, but I’m going to take “the Grinch approach:”
When someone steals your annual present, sometimes you just have to sing anyway. So let’s carve into this box like it’s a roast beast.
There’s only a week left until Halloween, but while everybody else in the world is taping fake cobwebs to their walls and putting the finishing touches on their Pokémon Go-inspired “Sexy Pikachu” costumes, I’m sitting here gazing at a bowl of Boo Berry cereal.
More specifically, I’m wondering why there’s never been a movie tie-in between Boo Berry and Ghostbusters. With this summer’sGhostbusters reboot now merely a bargain DVD bin memory,General Mills missed their chance to throw noxiously green Slimer marshmallows into every bowl of crunchy blue Boo Berry ghosts. The endmilk would’ve turned roughly the shade of the Jersey Shore’s seafoam, and it would’ve been glorious.
But I’ll have to make do with just Boo. Even without nauseatingly aquamarine dairy, Boo Berry still puts on a heck of a breakfast show. Of General Mills’s 3 big Monster Cereals, Boo Berry arguably has the most devoted cult following. He’s the Rocky Horror of Halloween breakfast options, so for the 2nd year in a row, let’s find out why damn it, Janet, everyone loves Boo.
A quick search on this site reveals that I’ve made hopeful jokes about Girl Scout cookie cereals before, from Thin Mints and Samoas to Tagalongs and Do-Si-Dos (sorry, Thanks-A-Lots and Trefoils: come back when you bring more than shortbread to the table).
My frequent referencing probably stems from my childhood love of those cartoon Girl Scout Cookie mascots, but it’s also true that in this world of political uncertainty and constant turmoil, we could all use a bowl of Girl Scout cookies for breakfast right about now. And now that news of General Mills two new Thin Mints and Caramel Crunch cereals has leaked, I can use the excuse that my repetitive humor wasn’t unoriginal—it was predictive.
Just call me Nostra-Dan-us.
The above photos were found onInfluenster by the ever-vigilant and wonderful Candy Hunting, so I encourage you to say thanks (and do yourself a favor) by dropping them a follow. It is currently unknown when these two crispy cookie delights will hit stores, but the very fact that they exist is reason enough to host a celebratory backyard campfire.
We’ll make s’mores using Thin Mints instead of Hershey’s bars.
Speaking of cookies, Thin Mints Cereal looks like a recolored, fudgier, and chip-less Cookie Crisp. At the same time, it’s poised to be the first mint chocolate cereal ever. Well, maybe the second—there was that one time I ate Oreo O’s then brushed my teeth right after.
And mere days after I pouted about America not having a caramel chocolate cereal like Europe’s Lion Cereal, Caramel Crunch emerged from the cereal ether to not only fill that void, but to potentially bring coconut into the flavor equation, too.
While it’ll be interesting to see how Thin Mints Cereal and Caramel Crunch Cereal compare to each other, there’s another breakfast showdown I’m more interested in. See, General Mills already has a cereal called Superman Caramel Crunch. So who will be the superior, caramelized king? Will the Man of Steel triumph? Will the guy who’s faster than a speeding bullet be bested by a bowl of these sugar-speckled cookies that look like beefy Cheerios? Or will Werther’s come out of nowhere and beat them both with a box of milk-friendly hard candies?
And the most important question of all: does this delightful news mean that General Mills is forgiven for their recent Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch snub? It’s probably too soon to tell, but if General Mills decided to announce a Peanut Butter Patty Cereal, too, I might be able to answer with a more decisive “yes.”
It’s okay. Stars are cool, too. They’re certainly more Christmasy than any old squares—even deliciously buttered sugared squares!
Oh, it’s no use. I’m sitting here trying to justify General Mills’ apparent decision to replace Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch—a 2014-2015 cult classic loved by children, food reviewers, and probably adorable panda bears everywhere—with the grinning, quintuply pointed cinnamon corn puffs seen above. But I just can’t seem to do it. The only way star-shaped puffs could ever be better than Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch would be if General Mills decided to also reuse their shapes to revive Sprinkle Spangles.
I’d sacrifice a fresh batch of gingerbread men to bring back Sprinkle Spangles.
This exclusive sneak peek was provided by our friends over at Junk Banter, whose junk food news and reviews are always on point—or in this case, on all five points.
Junk Banter got this picture of Cinnamon Star Crunch, fresh off the truck and in the backroom of a Target. We can only assume that the cereal will hit shelves soon, likely in early November when the world’s pumpkins and Count Choculas begin their winter hibernation. But while we wait, let’s analyze what can.
This holiday cereal shift has been secretly occurring right beneath our cookie-loving noses for months: it turns out that General Mills filed their “Cinnamon Star Crunch” trademark way back in March. Cinnamon Star Crunch also uses the same packaging design as last year’s Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch iteration, and it also appears to diverge from the typical “Toast Crunch formula” of wheat and rice flour. I predict that cinnamon on corn will produce a dramatically different flavor than we know from Cinnamon Toast Crunch and that these repurposed SpongeBob Cereal pieces stars will soak up milk even faster.
While this isn’t a complete confirmation that Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch won’t return for 2016, this back of the box image, also generously provided by the sleuths at Encyclopedia J. Banter, only shows Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp as being a part of General Mills’ holiday ensemble. Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp is great and all, but no number of sugar sparkles and awful winter puns can heal the broken heart left behind by an unexpected Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch breakup.
If you’re like me and Junk Banter—who is one of the few earthlings who loves Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch than me—and want to see those snowy, fresh-baked squares return, it’s worth rallying for them on social media.
Maybe we can even get the big man himself to support our cause:
.@OfficialSanta you're with me on this, right? Wouldn't you love to get a bowl of Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch & Milk from kids everywhere?
Poor Franken Berry. Our strawberry-flavored, lumpy headed friend is constantly overshadowed by Count Chocula’s mainstream appeal and Boo Berry’s cult appeal. Despite the fact that he’s a big pink creature, Franken Berry’s really more like the black sheep of the Monster Cereal family.
But that’s why I love Frank so much. He’s an outsider’s outsider. He’s a champion of the niche. And most of all, he’s a role model for the weird, the different, and the artificially colored. And that’s why I’m voting Franken Berry all the way in this year’s Monster Cereal Election. Because in a world where artificial colors are being drained from our cereals faster than blood from a vampire bite, Frank is committed to making cereal unnaturally pink again.
Let’s revisit Frank’s flavor platform to make sure his policies match his nostalgic rhetoric. Continue reading →
