Tag Archives: general mills

News: Dippin’ Dots Cereals are Coming Soon! Cookies & Cream & Banana Split

Take me out to the ball game, keep me out of the crowds. Buy me some peanuts and Dippin’ Dots, I don’t care…if you want to watch the game, I’m gonna go eat my Dippin’ Dots in the car.

Yes, Dippin’ Dots’ futuristically chilled, innovatively tongue-tearing ice cream spheres were a nostalgia-bearing reprieve from boring childhood sporting events, and now General Mills is turning them into two cereals: Dippin’ Dots Cookies & Cream Cereal, and Dippin’ Dots Banana Split Cereal.

This is very clearly a retaliatory jab at all the great cereal Post (with its puppet company Malt-O-Meal) has been releasing, as this pair of ice creamy flavors isn’t just a clapback to M-O-M and Cold Stone Creamery’s cereals, but it’s a round of clapback applause to Oreo O’s and Nilla Wafer Banana Pudding Cereal, too.

We may be entering a new age of cereal war, folks, which of course only means good things for hungry cereal lovers who get to reap the deliciously creative collateral damage.

The most promising thing about these cereals? In both serials, the Clusters actually contain milk! This means they aren’t simply cheap artificially ice cream-flavored gimmicks, but they’re actually powered by lactose.

I expect many moos and ahhs to come.

Shout-out to Cereal Party for finding both cereals on Walmart’s website, assumedly debuting soon. I hope neither I nor the cereal melt in the summer heat before I can find it.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: general mills, ice cream, news. 5 Comments

May. ’18

Coming Soon: Reese’s Puffs Peanut Butter Bats!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BipypoanM5Y/

It’s the Reese’s. They’re…they’re learning.

Elon Musk may fear humanity’s demise at the hand’s of a hostile AI, but I think we should be more afraid of Reese’s. More and more, their chocolate peanut butter legion is beginning to spread like a delicious zombie virus.

See, we started with the humble Reese’s Cup—that’s fine. Heck, it’s darn fine. But before long, strange mutations happened. Reese’s Eggs. Reese’s Trees. Reese’s Footballs. Odd offshoots of the original’s malleable shell and oiled peanut butter that produced shapes far stronger in flavor than their predecessors.

And then things went Nutrageous, with Reese’s Pieces stuffed in mini cups, crunchy cookies, and even a cereal. But now Reese’s Puffs is undergoing shape mutations of its own: first we saw Reese’s Puffs Bunnies, and now the CDC (Center for Deliciousness Control) has confirmed via @markie_devo that Bats are on the way for Halloweentime, too.

How long before they start stuffing Reese’s Pieces in our breakfast, too?

All peanut buttered apocalypses aside, I’m excited to see if these redistribute the cereal’s powdered flavor like the Bunnies did. And now that I think about it, I should stockpile some of those crunchy rabbits now, so I can genetically splice them with the Bats come October.

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: general mills, reese's puffs. 3 Comments

Mar. ’18

Review: Peach Cheerios Cereal

You have to feel bad for the humble peach.

It’s spent countless millennia and evolutionary paths to become perfectly shaped and juicily flavored for consumption. Yet we buffoonish humans just laugh at it. Because it kind of looks like a fuzzy booty.

Well I’m here to be your champion, my peachy friend. I’m very proud of you for becoming the star of General Mills’ latest limited edition Cheerios variety—a feat I imagine requires multiple levels of American Idol-style performances that would leave lesser fruit crying into their crisper drawers.

Suck it, durian: no one wants prickly, smelly Cheerios.

So now that you’re joining the proud lineage of fruit pyramid-friendly flavors like Strawberry and Pumpkin Spice, no one will be able to mock you any more, or to make you the butt of many jokes. I won’t allow it.

No ifs, ands, or butts. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Uncategorized. Tags: 7 rating, cheerios, general mills, peach. 9 Comments

Feb. ’18

Spooned & Spotted: Lucky Charms Cereal with Magical Unicorn Marshmallows

https://www.instagram.com/p/BfPdEyyHn5q/?taken-by=cerealouslynet

Though Starbucks’ infamous Unicorn Frappuccino is long dead and gone—presumably with technicolor Snozzberries growing from its fertilized burial grounds—the Jazzy-Solo-Cup-colored liquid’s namesake cryptid is still grabbing the cereal industry by the horn.

Just weeks after Kellogg’s confirmed the in-store release day (March 5th) of its Unicorn Cereal (formerly known as Unicorn Froot Loops when released abroad), and just days after Lucky Charms announced the planned obsolescence of its hourglass marshmallow, Instagram user @sydnee_alexandra stumbled upon this real-life unicorn at an HEB store: a box of unannounced Lucky Charms with Magical Unicorn Marshmallows!

Given that there’s still an hourglass on the box, and that these intricate equine marbits likely have more artifical color than a Dorito at a tanning salon, these Unicorns likely aren’t a permanent replacement.

But I sure hope they taste like cotton candy.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: general mills, lucky charms, spooned & spotted. 2 Comments

Feb. ’18

News: Lucky Charms Retires Hourglass Marshmallow

Time is running out on the hourglass. Grab a box while you still can! pic.twitter.com/8HWPJXXg3v

— Lucky Charms (@LuckyCharms) February 8, 2018

Goodnight, sweet curvaceous and fluorescent prince.

Though the above tweet from Lucky Charms is needlessly cryptic, major news sources have confirmed the rumors: before long, the hourglass marshmallow will be disappearing from boxes of the much-loved oat and marbit cereal.

The good really do die young: introduced in 2008, the hourglass is actually the newest mainstay Lucky Charms marshmallow. And despite being very questionably recognizable as an hourglass, the marshmallow was redeemed by an awesome commercial campaign, in which it became a powerful talisman capable of controlling time itself.

The hourglass will be far from the coolest discontinued Lucky Charm marshmallow: that honor is shared by rainbow whales and keys that only revealed in milk.

Like a ten-year Snapchat streak about to expire, the hourglass’ early retirement raises many questions: is this part of General Mills’ war on artificial colors? Will we see popped balloons, waning moons, and an end of the rainbow in the near future? And most of all, what marshmallow will replace the hourglass?

Feel free to leave your marshmallow guesses below. I’m banking on a naturally colored magic sugar beet.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: general mills, lucky charms, news. 1 Comment

Feb. ’18

Spooned & Spotted: All Shamrock Lucky Charms (2018)

Though it feels like only yesterday that I was straining eggnog through a stocking to craft an ultra-filtered holiday cocktail I call “St. Nick’s Knickers,” Lucky Charms is reminding me that St. Patrick’s Day is practically a Shamrock Shake away.

Because instead of releasing a strawberry-flavored, all heart marshmallow Lucky Charms variety for Valentine’s Day (that’s okay, General Mills. I’ll jsut eat a bowl of Conversation Hearts with milk, I guess), the cereal brand, still coming down from its Frosted Flakes sugar rush, has re-released its annual classic: All Shamrock Lucky Charms (which also comes in chocolate).

Spotted by reader Chris on Twitter, this year’s box reminds us that the good old Lucky design is back to stay, replacing the Fairly Odd Parents x Adventure Time mascot who graced boxes all last year. And this design may be back to stay on a plaque above your mantelpiece, because, continuing General Mills’ recent theme of turning cereal boxes into playsets (which any action figure-savvy kid has been doing since the ’70s), this Lucky Charms box doubles as a build your own Leprechaun Trap.

It’s like Ghostbusters, if Slimer studied abroad in Ireland and wouldn’t shut up about it.

Thanks again to Chris for sharing the photo. If you have a cereal find of your own to share, new or just plain awesome, feel free to pass it along to our Submissions page for a chance to see it featured on the site!

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: general mills, lucky charms. 6 Comments

Jan. ’18

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Blasted Shreds Cereal

Is Cinnamon Toast Crunch the new Oreo? The new pumpkin spice? The new sriracha? The new activated almonds?

Yes, like all those hip and trendy flavors (well, minus maybe the almonds: I’m just fascinated by nuts that unlock monkish hidden powers when soaked in water), Cinnamon Toast Crunch seems to be popping up more and more, not just as a cereal, but as a phenomenon. A condiment abstraction, if you will.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites! Cinnamon Toast Crunch Granola Snack! Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shake! Cinnamon Toast Crunch the Flamethrower! Quite frankly, I’m surprised we haven’t seen actual Cinnamon Toast Crunch branded bread yet, made specifically for use in your Cinnamon Toast Crunch Toast Toaster.

Regardless of how long it takes to reach Cinnamon Toast Singularity, these new Cinnamon Toast Crunch Blasted Shreds are here to cinnamon swirl us one step closer. It’s one of two new Blasted Shreds cereals, and it aims to remix boring old shredded wheat biscuits by fire-hosing it with enough flavored powder to build a sweetened sugarcastle. Or perhaps a sugarhospital.

Anyways, let’s carve a new belt notch and carve into a box!

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, cinnamon, general mills, toast crunch. 16 Comments