Hold onto your unripe pumpkins, because it’s about to get prematurely spooky up in here.

What better way to beat the summer heat than to dream of cooler, crisper times ahead? That’s why the latest episode of my and Justin‘s meditative cereal podcast covers a diverse temporal spread of seasonal products, from sarcophagus-juicy Halloween gossip to Christmas cookies in July.

New to this calming corner of the world’s breakfast table? Get yourself good and horizontal—if you want to go the extra mile, fill your belly button with 2% for good luck—as we tackle muffin-flavored toast, Bubsy the Bobcat, and the many uses of the word “mythos.”

Oh, and these:

New perennial potluck favorite, anyone?

If the world’s got you hot and bothered, rather than buttered, you can find more existential cereal reassurances at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but reading them beats the heck out of daytime television.

Happy Independence Day to my American readers: may your day be filled with high-velocity hotdog eating, low-acceleration lazy rivers, and bowls of watermelon so deep you have to spoon chunks out of the juices, cereal style.

If you find yourself, your cat or dog overwhelmed by loud fireworks or Uncle Paul’s nonstop salvo of cannonballs, you can dive into the placid milky tides of The Empty Bowl Fifteen.

In this episode, Justin and I declassify Cap’n Crunch’s ever-expanding patriotic cereal campaign, lead a hemisphere-spanning investigation into two Mermaid cereals, and give a newcomer to the cereal world some first-day orientation.

Want to keep celebrating your independence from bad vibes? You can find more cereal free-for-alls at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they all make me pledge my allegiance to you, the kind listener.

uh, so I came home to a 20lb surprise package from @RealCapnCrunch, and he certainly delivered: thanks Cap! if you need me tomorrow, I'll be on the beach, chugging Red White & Blue Crunch out of a Crunch Cup. pic.twitter.com/TcEcAodj5u

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) July 3, 2019

As a bonus, you can see what the Cap’n planned for my own holiday weekend. Measuring in at actually 34 pounds, this is by far the wildest cereal gift I’ve been delivered—and as a surprise, at that. Thanks again, Cap: but would it kill you to mix up some Crunch Berry White Claw I could fill it with?

Hold your memory foam pillow tight and tell it to take the night off: for now, the only thing you need to remember is that good-good stuff we call cereal. So fill your cleanest pillow case with milk ‘n’ Fruity Pebbles, because it’s time to sink your noggin into The Empty Bowl Episode Thirteen.

On the latest episode of our “meditative podcast about cereal,” Justin and I talk cookies, cookie dough, and cookies + creme; discuss the weighty matter of new Fillows Cereal; and plumb the depths of cereal’s rich media history. Give it a listen while you fall asleep, fall in love, or fall under the spell of Cookie Jarvis.

Got a long night ahead? You can find more cereal lullabies on tape at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they definitely make the work day go by faster.

I could say I’m a little late with sharing the newest Empty Bowl episode here, but I was just really waiting until I could sense the whole cereal community would need it most.

And that’s why I’m writing this on a Sunday evening: the work week’s River Styx. Steady these last few uneasy hours and make the most of this molting weekend with thirty-six minutes (our longest yet!) of hot cereal news, cool reviews, and warm memories.

In this episode, Justin and I recount the tale of Freedom Crunch, wrestle with Mighty Spoon, and bring Sonic into the cerealverse’s canon. If your Sunday’s feeling more like a Dying-Starday, you can find more 20–30 minute condensed Saturday vibes at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they definitely unconsciously influence our cereal cartography.

That’s the thing about bowls: they always come a-round again.

Yes, Justin McElroy and I have steeped ourselves once more in the cosmically flowing milk of human kindness to bring you another 23-minute escape from the doldrums of today and into the cereal world of tomorrow. It’s an intentionally subdued show into which you can submerge both your worries and your Mini-Wheats, as the crashing sounds of a pasteurized ocean turn them mushy and easier to handle.

In our eleventh episode, we talk melt-in-your-mouth Cap’n Crunch and the droll joy of pharmacological Phroot Loops, before turning a sculptor’s eye to a few cereal mascots who could use a modern makeover.

If this episode alone can’t soggify your sorrows, you can find more 20–30 minute O-shaped odyssies at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they make great conversation starters at the office water 2% cooler.

Kept you waiting, huh?

The Empty Bowl’s brief hiatus is over, and we’re back with the most subdued, welcoming and genial vengeance you’ve ever heard. For those who have yet to bring their daily anxieties back to an edible equilibrium, welcome to our milky oasis: The Empty Bowl is a podcast wherein Justin McElroy and I explore the latest goings-on in the news-o-sphere of airy new cereal spheres. But timely information is only our secondary goal—we’re mostly focused on inoculation against stress and bad vibes, as our munchie meditations hopefully hark back innocent memories, of when all us human souls were just swimming together in a primordial soup of stardust and Sprinkle Spangles.

In this tenth-most of episodes, we cover some upcoming Kellogg’s cereals, grill Honey Brunches of Oats’ meaty new flavors, and expose the legend of a Legend of Zelda cereal that time—and heroes of it—has largely forgotten.

If your day’s riddled with more worries than one episode can handle, you can find more 20–30 minute soothing soundscapes at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they definitely influence our dreams, so be sure to send a few about milkshake jacuzzis.

Forgive the lateness on sharing our latest show: I was too busy cleaning Caticorn Cereal, which you’ll likely hear about again in the next episode out of my carpet.

Top 2 Photos Taken Seconds Before Disaster pic.twitter.com/PVJWro7Md1

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) February 28, 2019

Now that I’ve surely assuaged any timely anxiety with therapeutically cute feline mischievousness, I can talk about the latest Empty Bowl. New to our intercontinental breakfast relaxation station? I’ll explain it in six words:

Me. Justin McElroy. Cereal. Chillness.

See, true meditative minimalism doesn’t need six. We’ll let you keep that last word for your own use. Might I suggest something nice like “obviate” or “crispness”?

On this episode, Justin and I cover Trader Joe’s latest cereal, challenge the status quo with a Pop-Tart review, and finally address our listeners’ ever-pressing inquiries about cereal mixes. Along the way, we trade plenty of chuckles, a few wizened “teehees,” and a pasteurized ocean’s worth of crashing waves as we float through your airwaves. Hope you brought your Cap’n Crunch epaulette water wings.

If you’re still hungry, or if you just forgot to drink the milk (heresy, but the forgivable kind), you can find more 20–30 minute ear snacks at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but we certainly won’t hit you with an awkward out-of-the-office auto-response.

Because this vacation’s all yours.