I know what you’ve been eating.

I saw it, don’t try to hide it.

You’ve been getting in the Grape-Nuts again, haven’t you?

Sorry if that doesn’t make any sense, but it will after you remedy my accusatory intro with The Empty Bowl’s latest half-hourish audio antidote. Hint: we’re asking about your secret cereal.

Welcome back into the sky’s balming bowl for a twenty-fifth time. My and Justin‘s meditative cereal podcast, The Empty Bowl, is back to discuss everything from Cheerios Oat Crunch (again) to Toops, and every idea from Raisin Bran 2 to the best Cookie Crisp never made.

If you need a longer soundtrack to your secret cereal scarfing, you can find more episodes at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, I treasure each one like it’s a Cap’n Crunch chest.

Did the first week of 2020 feel a little…empty to anyone else? There’s just so much stress happening globally that it’s easy to feel hollowed-out by daily responsibility.

But worry no more, for beyond any newspaper or starving Neopet, there exists an ethereal plane where there’s nothing to be upset about—and there’s everything your breakfast-loving self could hope for. Well, unless you like traditional English breakfasts or avocado toast, you may be disappointed. For there’s only one thing on our bed & breakfast’s menu.

Welcome to The Empty Bowl Episode Twenty-Four, the first post-holiday-hiatus episode of my and Justin‘s meditative cereal podcast. To make up for lost time, this is our longest episode yet, as we barrel through many new cereals coming in early 2020, and just as many late-2019 releases that made me the sugar-addled dancing plum of my own Christmas.

Not quite full yet? You can go back for seconds, thirds, or twenty-thirds at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but for each one, I’ll make a contribution to Neopets in need.

Whoosh

*crunch*

Whoosh

*crunch*

That’s it. That’s your mantra for today. No words needed: just a cereal bowl in hand and the ethereal ocean of milk that is The Empty Bowl’s lifeblood.

New to this astral breakfast sphere? Well then you and your tensest joints are in luck: The Empty Bowl is a meditative podcast about cereal and has often been called more calming than its subject matter has any right to be. But regardless, Justin and I are proud to host a show that quite literally puts our listeners to sleep. In this lull-vely episode, we take you on the slowest rapid-fire journey through the biggest cereal news and reviews of the past four weeks, from the incoming glory of Timbits Cereal to a sneak peek at my upcoming Eggo Cereal breakdown.

Still up late with a pair of screaming children/cats/houseplants? You can soothe the savage snake plant with twenty-one other episodes of cereal sleepiness at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one really pleases my begonias.

Welcome back to The Empty 𝘽𝙊𝙊!-wl.

There, now that you’re properly petrified from that mid-sentence jump scare, you’re also in luck, because the latest (and last episode before Halloween) of The Empty Bowl is 31 minutes of creepy-calming cereal shop-talking. Join Justin and I as we get salty about Pop-Tart shells, review my mortally damning Grape-Nuts crime, and catch you up on the eye-popping hereditary history of Halloween Froot Loops.

If there’s something strange in your mental neighborhood, you can call on nineteen other episodes of cereal stress-busting at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one makes me eat a bowl of cereal. My life’s in your hands.

Feelin’ blue? Then we’re berry excited (Justin’s joke, not mine) to share something that might make a grey day a little milky-whiter.

After a fourish week hiatus, Justin and I are back in The Empty Bowl to close out our “first season” with Episode XX. For the temperamentally troubled and unfamiliar, The Empty Bowl is an ever-placid voyage across a bottomless sea of milk—milk known for its epsom-esque therapeutic properties.

In this twentieth of all episodes, we cover a glutting gauntlet of upcoming blueberry cereals, juxtapose the highs & lows of coconuts & Chocula, and lend our expert advice to a few listeners with pressing pantry inquiries.

If you want to hear us talk until we’re proverbially blue in the face, you can find nineteen other episodes of cereal seafaring at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one helps put a Crunchling through college.

Look deep inside yourself. You know it to be true:

You wish you could be a graham cracker.

Don’t fight it—we all feel the same. To be a wholesome sheet of baked flour, breezily aerated and tucked in beneath a tender blanket of honey? That’s some post-Saṃsāra level transcendent comfort right there.

And we at The Empty Bowl believe every listener deserves to feel as blissfully crisp as a grahamed-up rectangle—so much so that we believe we’ve made great contributions to graham cereal’s future trajectory. My and Justin‘s show is all about meditation through cereal, so if you’re in the market for a grating and industrially noisy podcast, you might want to record your own by tossing some Corn Flakes in a paper shredder.

But those amongst us who want to be nestled into tranquility by cereal news, reviews, and various other tomfooleries, join us for Episode Nineteen. In this one, we cover the wishy-washy return of Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch, more pumpkin carving decal disappointment, and a whole lot of Golden Grahams.

If you need more golden goodness, you can find eighteen other cereal escapades at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one opens up a new graham chakra inside me.

What do we want?

A diverse geometry of abstract cereal shapes!

When do we want ’em?

For breakfast! And as a midnight snack! And maybe for dinner!

If my latest review was any indication, I’m still incensed by the sugar ring redundancy going on in the cereal aisle. And although The Empty Bowl is an ever-ethereal and tranquil cereal podcast, we just had to spend some of this eighteenth episode airing our grievances. But don’t worry, we still air them in a “crisp mountain breeze” sort of way.

What else is new? Tune in and tune out negativity as Justin and I debate whether to play into Eggo’s retweet farm (although by this point, they’ve already won), sing the uncanny praises of pink confection, and repent to whatever Old God this is:

If you need more non-labor for your Labor Day, you can find more relaxing cereal respites at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each email is worth a thousand retweets in my book.

*P.S., I’ve been out on vacation for a bit, but blog coverage will pick up again shortly. Thanks!

What do polygonal cereals, powdered pillows, and and the graham-focused platform of The Cereal Movement have in common?

They’re all talking points—or at least blunt edges—in The Empty Bowl’s latest 30-minute lullaby. For those tragically high-strung few who’ve yet to decompress with our light and loose explorations of variously dense cereals, clear your mind and schedule: crunch time has never felt so blissful.

In this episode, Justin and I hype up a potential new Golden Age for Lucky Charms, get oily with Chocolate Peanut Butter Pops, and cool off with a couple iced cereal beverage ideas.

If you want to keep up The Cereal Movement’s momentum, you can find more bubbly cereal soapboxes at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they’ll be your birthday gift to me.