Stressed? During this week of all weeks? Well color me surprised. I think surprise is an ethereal pink, right?

Either way, kiss your worries goodnight, goodbye, and good riddance, because Justin and I are back with the Thirty-Ninth episode of The Empty Bowl: a meditative podcast about cereal. And if you doubt we have the career experience in psycho–cereal sleep therapy, just know this is technically our second anniversary episode.

In this milestone of an episode, we get retrospective with General Mills, reveal the secret ingredient in Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies, and challenge you to provide any evidence that Granola Snacks really existed, or if I somehow tasted and photographed a lucid dream.

Is this week still weathering you? We’ve got a lot more rosy-eyed 30-minute dreamscapes at our Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one colors me a deeper shade of surprised.

Whoa, whoa, easy there, stranger. You new around these parts? It looks like you’ve got some contraband on you: a worrisome burden weighing on your shoulders, and a bellyful of unaddressed anxieties. Here on The Empty Bowl’s Empty Beach of twinkling auburn cinnamon sugar sand, such negativity is not only discouraged, but actively remedied by the beach’s staff. So please, check all your emotional baggage and hoist it into the milky ocean. Where we’re going, you won’t need woes.

Welcome back to The Empty Bowl, a meditative cereal podcast hosted by me and Justin McElroy. In Episode Thirty-Eight, we continue exploring 2020’s bottomless cinnamon cereal selection, talk about an underrated cereal that crept up on us, and give a brief primer on the season’s best autumn cereals.

Still smuggling a few uncertainties in your back pocket? The calming cereal tides keep churning at our Anchor hub, where you can listen to Thirty-Seven and any other episodes. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one helps seize sadness from a clamoring beachgoer.

Anybody else feel a little off this week? Like maybe Super Mario 64’s Wet-Dry World is leaking a little bit of its negative emotional aura into our own? Maybe I’ve just been reading too many creepypastas, but if I didn’t have an aversion to hearing my own voice, this is the kind of week that would leave me seeking out something calming. Something relaxing. Something as chill as the milk in your fridge.

Something like The Empty Bowl: a meditative podcast about cereal from me and Justin McElroy. If this is your first emptied bowl rodeo, welcome: rest assured, there will be no bucking broncos of worry and stress ahead: just some good old fashioned yolkin’ around and breakfast clownery. In this episode, Justin and I reluctantly accept a new Froot Loops Something Pop, get existential about South Korea’s Green Onion Chex, and ponder the future of Count Chocula’s oaten ore.

Still bored enough to watch Wet Worlds Dry? There’s plenty more fun to be had at our Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one sets off a 1-Up noise in my prefrontal cortex.

Forgive me again: time moves strangely in The Bowl. The thirty or so Earth minutes Justin and I spend recording each episode of our meditative cereal podcast requires a six-week spiritual pilgrimage, an astral projection light years away onto a planet made entirely of milky tides and cereal dust archipelagos. It is here, and only here, that true breakfast bliss can be channeled into our world through a microphone-equipped conduit.

And that’s  I once again forgot to do a dedicated post for the previous two Empty Bowl Episodes, so I humbly introduce them here alongside our newest episode: Thirty-Five.

New to the show? It’s okay if you skipped syllabus day: the only supply you need is relaxation in great supply. Allow us to share with you the joyous American introduction of Tropical Froot Loops, the new holy reign of Honey Maid Cinnamon Graham Cereal, and the belated ascent of Chaka the Chex.

Want to spend a little more time gazing with us at the planet Bowltide’s ample Aurora Cerealis? We’ve got plenty more interstellar sojourns at our Anchor hub, including Thirty-Three and Thirty-Four. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one supplies lumens to our displaced cosmic holograms.

Yes, yes, time is an illusion, and despite me promising last time I forgot to post an episode The Empty Bowl that I wouldn’t do it again, somehow it’s been four weeks since then and I’m grizzled as a snooze-button-happy hibernating bear. While I’d like to say this is because our meditative cereal podcast has brought me a literal amount of tranquility, it’s really because I’ve been measuring the passing weeks by how many times I make up song parody lyrics using my cats, Beignet & Jupiter’s names.

Benny & the Jupes! It writes itself!

But I both digress and hope you’re handling your time indoors well. If the space-time continuum’s sucked you in and rattled you around like a child’s toy vacuum, at least there are two new episodes of The Empty Bowl to unplug and unwind to. As you may notice, we’ve got a new show look & feel that aptly maps the feelings we try to project. So put on the rose-colored glasses of a Saturday morning cereal-eating child and join me + Justin on a beach made of Franken Berry dust, as we listen to crashing waves of milk (vanilla almond, for my sake) and explore breakfast’s latest and greatest news.

In these episodes, we try to tell Sea Berries from Spider Berries, check out cereal history’s least remembered video game, and once more sing the praises of those oh-so-underrated Golden Grahams.

Still working on your tan? Our beach never closes, with more episodes at our Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they’re all eligible for consideration in our seaside book club.

Fitting time for a meditative cereal podcast, no?

Despite having more time for mindless sugar-munchin’ than ever, I’ll admit it’s been a bit tough for me to focus on bloggerly duties—especially as quarantine’s made it difficult to stake out and take in new products from the supermarket. Likewise, I’ve apparently forgotten to share the debut of The Empty Bowl’s latest three episodes. So if you’re one of likely few-to-none who wait for me to post here before listening, I’m sorry for needlessly withholding these 90+ minutes of cumulatively calming content.

But the milky-silver lining here is that now you can listen to me and Justin delicately describe new breakfast happenings for the duration of a feature-length film. You’re even welcome to visualize the experience with an in-bowl diorama of your own—I call being an Oreo O!

In our newest episode, we explore the nuances promised by Kellogg’s JUMBO SNAX, say dozens and dozens of words about Peeps, and peel back the foil on decades of toasted oddities.

If you find yourself with just a few more hours to fill with something Empty, you can find more episodes at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but I’d rather read them than eat a forty-year-old preserved pizza pastry.

A C D F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S V W X Y.

Now that there’s an episode for each letter of the alphabet, the only things we’re missing above are TEB, U and some sweet Zs. If you’re in the market for a crunchy podcast with cozy vibes, look no further: my and Justin‘s (roughly) biweekly soaks in heaven’s hottest cereal jacuzzi are meant to chill you out (and possibly knock you out!) by detuning the world in favor of casual, breakfast-centric discussion.

This time around, we’re sharing some tragic news about one of our favorite cereals, choking down chunkfuls of Sippable Toast Crunch, and considering the possibility of too much cereal.

If you’re tired of looping your ABCs to fall asleep, you can find more episodes at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but they’re much more pleasing to our eyes than cinnamon slurry.