“Gimme a fat stack of phat Breakfast Flats, STAT!”
Now that Quaker’s new-for-2016 Breakfast Flats—which come in Cranberry Almond, Banana Honey Nut, and Golden Raisin Cinnamon—are on shelves, you probably hear that phrase around all the time.
Or more likely, you’ve probably never heard it, since I just made it up. Plus, no one has used the word “phat” since the Taft administration. He was the raddest, coolest president, after all.
All William Howards aside, a fat stack of 3 plastic-wrapped Golden Raisin Cinnamon breakfast bars sits in front of me. Full disclosure: the main reason I’m reviewing these is because my loving grandmother gave them to me as a thoughtful gift, knowing how much I love Raisin Bran.
So this one’s for you, Grandma. Time to make you proud by photographing sticky glazed raisin rectangles. Continue reading →
Chunks of rock are underrated. Whether you’re gazing at geodes in a museum, winning a piece of the Aggro Crag on Nickelodeon GUTS, or simply throwing things in the quarry with Creed from The Office, chunks of rock are versatile and fun.
And edible chunks of rock are delicious, too. Fruity Pebbles, rock candy, chocolate-covered rocks, and Rocky Road ice cream? All of the above, please! The latest snack to join this honorable lineage of gravel is Nature Valley’s Granola Crunch. These green satchels come in Cinnamon and Maple Brown Sugar, and they promise to contain 21 Nature Valley Granola Bars-worth of flavor-packed oat rectangles that fell apart on the granola bar assembly line lovingly crafted oat bites.
I’ve recently had a personal granola rebirth, so I’m excited to bathe in the warm-baked glory of these craggy crumbs. Continue reading →
If you haven’t heard, I’m now a born-again granola evangelist.
See, I once doubted that granola was right for me. It felt wrong to munch on sticky Aggro Crag chunks of oats and healthy protein while I sat criss-cross applesauce in front of a Nickelodeon Guts marathon. But then a wise granola sensei taught me that “it’s not about the nutrition destination: it’s about the cinnamon syrup-coated journey.”
Or maybe I just read that on the back of an ’80s Southern Comfort Cookbook in the 10-for-$1 bin at a Salvation Army. I can’t quite remember.
Regardless, I’m ready to start seeing other granolas again. And thankfully, Nature Valley has just pushed out these new Granola Crunch pouches. Each satchel comes in either Maple Brown Sugar or Cinnamon and promises to contain the equivalent of 21 Nature Valley granola bars.
Anyone who’s ever sat on a Nature Valley granola bar, left a Nature Valley granola bar in their pocket, or even looked at a Nature Valley granola bar for more than 5 seconds knows that those things love to explode into avalanches of microscopic crumbs, so I don’t doubt Nature Valley’s claim. They probably just stuffed 21 bars into each bag and said some rude words about them behind their back.
Poor Nature Valley granola bars: too fragile for this world.
Oh, and here’s a bonus Spooned & Spotted for those of you who tragically don’t follow Cerealously on Instagram. Chex cereals are starting to roll out new box designs, and these ones are way more aesthetically pleasing. Posting this photo of those geometrically crisp pieces probably just made my high school geometry teacher cheer out loud without even knowing why.
I spotted both all of these products at Kroger, but if you’ve seen or tasted something awesome, you can send your picture or thoughts and have them featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post. All you have to do is head over to our submissions page or email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.
Despite what you may have seen or heard, this isn’t an actual Starbucks Pop-Tart. It isn’t a Starbucks Toaster Strudel, either. And it certainly is not aStarbucks Magpie, since i’m pretty sure the coffee chain’s aviary license expired decades ago.
No, Starbucks’ latest sugary coffee companions are the invention of New York baker Meghan Ritchie, and they’re called Megpies. More specifically, they are “artisan tarts,” which Google Translate claims is hipster-speak for “please don’t shame me as I dip this double-decker Pop-Tart into my Cotton Candy Frappuccino and accidentally spill some on my portable typewriter.”
Individually wrapped and sold next to the register, these all-natural Megpies come in strawberry and cinnamon + brown sugar. I can only assume this is a non-sugar coated (but still literally sugar coated) attempt to mimic Pop-Tarts’ two most popular flavors: Frosted Strawberry and Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon.
Since I’ve eaten enough Tiny Toast cereal this summer to give myself a not-so-tiny bloat, I decided to give the berries a break this time and give in to Cinnamon + Brown Sugar’s spicy temptation.
Oh, and if you’re wondering why I didn’t try one of each, it’s because these Totally Not Pop-Tarts will run you back $3.95 a pop, which is indeed more than the cost of a 16-count Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart box. That’s fine, Starbucks, as long as this Megpie has few shares of Google stock buried in its gooey innards. Continue reading →
I was once content with being a mere granola observer. But thanks to Nature’s Path Organic Ancient Grains Granola, I’m a believer.
You see, I used to view granola as cereal’s athletic and beefy older sibling. While cereal and I were happy crashing on the couch with a bowlful of technicolor sugar whirlpools, granola was climbing mountains of Greek yogurt and swimming in protein shakes. I never hated granola for being more active than me, but you better believe I turned up the volume on The Price is Right when he walked into the room.
But all that has changed. After a failed search for Sam’s Club’s economy-sized boxes of Multigrain Cheerios + Ancient Grains, I braved Costco instead for something to satisfy my ancient yearnings. And despite sounding like the premise of another Scorpion King sequel (they made five of those movies?), that Costco quest led me to this epiphanic tweet:
It's 1:32 A.M. and I just ate the greatest granola of my life. More to come on this soon…
The main teaching of karma is “what goes around comes around.”
Then how come Kashi’s new Dark Cocoa Karma shredded wheat cereal comes as a square, and not a round loop?
Looks like you really missed a chance to tie your tasty breakfast offerings into the cyclical nature of moral interchange, Kashi.
That’s okay. I’m willing to forgive your philosophical blunder if this exciting cereal actually tastes good. I say “exciting” because Dark Cocoa Karma is essentially the second ever cereal—after Chocolate Toast Crunch—to combine chocolate and cinnamon in the same bowl.
Time to pop on a DVD of My Name is Earl and find some cinnamon chocolate zen. Continue reading →
Just look at those swirls. Imagine them hypnotically spinning: spinning, twirling, and careening down into your cereal bowl.
You’re getting very, very hungry.
It’s been a relatively slow month for new cereal, so while I continue eagerly hunting for Post’s new Marshmallow Pebbles, I think it’s time I gave a cinnamon-seasoned cereal veteran a proper vetting.
And since the tempting spirals in this box of Kellogg’s Cinnabon cereal have been beckoning me like crunchy sirens for awhile now, they seem like good review candidates.
Maybe now I won’t have to eat bowls full of Taco Bell Cinnabon Delights and milk. I hear that’s how they finally killed Rasputin. Continue reading →
Either way, we want to make today a little bit better by sharing a few more cereal history lessons from cereal archaeologist Gabe Fonseca, whose Cereal Time YouTube series covers so many wild and colorful cereal that may have faded from your memory as time passed.
First up is King Vitaman cereal, and while it isn’t the crowning achievement of Quaker, this crown-shaped Cap-n Crunch taste-alike has had some royally clever advertising campaigns over the years.
Next up is a cinnamon double feature that covers both Cinnamon Mini-Buns and Churros cereal. Gabe takes viewers on a trip down the long, swirling history of Cinnamon Mini-Buns as it evolved into what we know and love today as Cinnabon cereal.
Likewise, the regional Mini Cinnamon Churros is Post’s attempt to compete with Cinnamon Toast Crunch. You’d be hard-pressed to find a box of it today (it was focused around Mexico), but if you do, you’ll be smacking your cinnamon sugar-coated lips and singing “Churr-oh yeah!” in no time.
If you love Gabe’s videos as much as the rest of us, be sure to watch ’em all! Every Cereal Time video can be found here, and you can check out Gabe’s Twitter, as well.
