Take the Brown Sugar Cinnamons, for example. From Kellogg’s to Kroger, every brand under the toaster oven’s warming sun has a unique take on Brown Sugar Cinnamon, but they all taste different. Sometimes, I like to try connecting each doughy rectangle on an imaginary family tree.
You have the OG pastry, Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart, a sweet and sugary gal who was clearly raised by a “fun parent:” the kind of hyperactive, dad joke-slinging manchild who I aspire to be someday. You have Cinnamon Roll with Brown Sugar Toaster Strudels, who stays cold and aloof in his room until you warm him up and he comes alive. And you have Cinnamon + Brown Sugar Megpie, the plump child who ran away from home to become a barista and eat one too many Starbucks marble loaves during his break.
Now there’s Trader Joe’s new Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Toaster Pastry. He must’ve been raised by the family’s all organic, hippy grandma out west. Just why do I say that? Well let’s ask the quirky quadrilateral himself. Continue reading →
Cinnamon Pebbles hit shelves just as the new year did. Cinnamon Frosted Flakes will be making its full, nationwide debut this month. And now, with the release of these Crunchy Cinnamon Squares, Trader Joe is eyeing the cereal aisle’s “Sugar-Swirled Cinnamon” throne. His cookie butter-colored irises watch deviously as Cinnamon Toast Crunch sits squarely on that very same seat.
“Soon,” he whispers.
But will Trader Joe’s newest cereal be tasty enough to overthrow a 22-year old cinnamon dynasty? The side of its box claims that, “after one bite you may want to eat these Crunchy Cinnamon Squares for every meal,” but the front doesn’t even feature any grandfatherly bakers or cannibalistic quadrilaterals: just the same calm blue color scheme of Andy’s wallpaper in Toy Story.Continue reading →
For someone who has allegedly sworn to keep his neolithic neighbor from sampling his cereal, Fred sure is holding that bowl of overflowing Cinnamon Pebbles dangerously close to a spoon-wielding Barney.
Could Post’s newest Pebbles cereal be tasty enough to settle eons-old breakfast rivalries? Is Barney secretly wearing pterodactyl slippers to get a silent jump on Fred’s mammoth bowl? Or has the cascading cinnamon stick over these lovable neanderthals’ heads inspired them to set their differences aside, as they realize that their prehistoric climate is about to be disrupted not by a meteor, but by an astronomically large spice tube?
Such questions may never be answered, unless Post releases a mail-away Cinnamon Pebbles Compendium. But there’s one question I can help answer right now: are Cinnamon Pebbles yabba-dabba-delicious? Or should they be left to prehistory, with their long-discontinued cousin: Cinna-Crunch Pebbles? Continue reading →
It’s about time Post put Fred & Barney back squarely in the cardboard spotlight.
Yeah, yeah, I know: new Cinnamon Pebbles cereal, coming from Post in January 2017, sounds exciting and delicious and all, but the real news here is that the new cereal monarchy of Pebbles & Bamm-Bamm is finally over. While The Flintstones’ Fred & Barney still grace the front of Fruity Pebbles and Cocoa Pebbles, those two rascally rugrats Pebbles & Bamm-Bamm always get to appear on new Pebbles cereals: from Sugar Cookie Pebbles to Poppin’ Pebbles and Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles.
Why? Do troglodytic infants statistically sell more cereal? Or does Pebbles think she has a contractual entitlement to every cereal featuring her name?
Either way, good ol’ Fred & Barn are here to stay: Post has already stated that Cinnamon Pebbles will permanently join Fruity and Cocoa on shelves. About 12 years ago, the brand released Cinna-Crunch Pebbles, but those quickly went the way of the dinosaur. The scientific jury is still out on whether poor sales or a grocery aisle meteorite pushed Cinna-Crunch Pebbles off shelves.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R4EPI6jE7c
There are so many other unanswered questions, too. Even though the box says “Cinnamon Sweet Taste,” does the giant cinnamon stick on the front mean it will have some unique heat? Will Post reuse the same flavor formula from their discontinued cult favorite Mini Cinnamon Churros cereal? And with Cinnamon Pebbles suddenly competing with Kellogg’s brand new Cinnamon Frosted Flakes, will Cap’n Crunch and Jean LaFoote’s Cinnamon Crunch cereal return from the ’70s for an all-out cinnamon war?
Only time will tell. But I know one thing for sure: by the end of January, my New Year’s Resolutions and taste buds are both going to be burned raw by cinnamon goodness.
The box says “Family Size,” Dan, I tell myself. That means you shouldn’t eat all the Cinnamon Frosted Flakes by yourself.
But wait! the darker side of me says. Olive Garden says “when you’re here, you’re family,” so as long as I eat this whole box in an Olive Garden parking lot, there won’t be a problem!
So that, officer, is why I’m squatting behind this pasta-filled dumpster with a bowl full of crunchy, auburn-colored flakes. Would you care for a spoonful? You can be my court-appointed family. Continue reading →
O Cookie! my Cookie! our sweet breakfasts are done,
My spoon is in the dishwasher rack, your “prize inside” was fun,
December’s near, Salvation Army bells I hear, the people’s stomachs rumbling,
While eyes scan the cereal aisle, the boxes plump and shining;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O this new bleeding box of red,
While in the trash my last Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch lies,
Eaten, empty, and dead.
Okay, I could easily go on for two more verses, fervently typing until my own fingers fall cold and dead, but I think it’s time to move on and face the facts. Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch was arguably the most revolutionary Holiday cereal in years, but after a two-year tenure on shelves, it has been unexpectedly replaced by Generals Mills’s new Cinnamon Star Crunch. My instinct is to remain pouty and cynical, but I’m going to take “the Grinch approach:”
When someone steals your annual present, sometimes you just have to sing anyway. So let’s carve into this box like it’s a roast beast.
It’s okay. Stars are cool, too. They’re certainly more Christmasy than any old squares—even deliciously buttered sugared squares!
Oh, it’s no use. I’m sitting here trying to justify General Mills’ apparent decision to replace Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch—a 2014-2015 cult classic loved by children, food reviewers, and probably adorable panda bears everywhere—with the grinning, quintuply pointed cinnamon corn puffs seen above. But I just can’t seem to do it. The only way star-shaped puffs could ever be better than Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch would be if General Mills decided to also reuse their shapes to revive Sprinkle Spangles.
I’d sacrifice a fresh batch of gingerbread men to bring back Sprinkle Spangles.
This exclusive sneak peek was provided by our friends over at Junk Banter, whose junk food news and reviews are always on point—or in this case, on all five points.
Junk Banter got this picture of Cinnamon Star Crunch, fresh off the truck and in the backroom of a Target. We can only assume that the cereal will hit shelves soon, likely in early November when the world’s pumpkins and Count Choculas begin their winter hibernation. But while we wait, let’s analyze what can.
This holiday cereal shift has been secretly occurring right beneath our cookie-loving noses for months: it turns out that General Mills filed their “Cinnamon Star Crunch” trademark way back in March. Cinnamon Star Crunch also uses the same packaging design as last year’s Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch iteration, and it also appears to diverge from the typical “Toast Crunch formula” of wheat and rice flour. I predict that cinnamon on corn will produce a dramatically different flavor than we know from Cinnamon Toast Crunch and that these repurposed SpongeBob Cereal pieces stars will soak up milk even faster.
While this isn’t a complete confirmation that Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch won’t return for 2016, this back of the box image, also generously provided by the sleuths at Encyclopedia J. Banter, only shows Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp as being a part of General Mills’ holiday ensemble. Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp is great and all, but no number of sugar sparkles and awful winter puns can heal the broken heart left behind by an unexpected Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch breakup.
If you’re like me and Junk Banter—who is one of the few earthlings who loves Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch than me—and want to see those snowy, fresh-baked squares return, it’s worth rallying for them on social media.
Maybe we can even get the big man himself to support our cause:
.@OfficialSanta you're with me on this, right? Wouldn't you love to get a bowl of Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch & Milk from kids everywhere?
How has there never been a Cinnamon Rice Krispies cereal before?
Okay, technically there was an Apple Cinnamon Rice Krispies in the mid-’90s, and I’m sure it tasted like a rad, cracklin’ apple crumble. But a full-blooded, spicy-sweet Cinnamon Rice Krispies cereal? Nope: there’s no mention of that in my cereal history book.
But we all know it should exist! I mean, just sprinkle the crumbs at the bottom of a Cinnamon Toast Crunch bag over your next bowl of Rice Krispies, and I’m sure you’ll agree that Snap, Crackle, and Pop should have joined forces with Wendell, Bob, and Quello years ago.
Thankfully, we don’t have to rely on Kellogg’s flavor alchemy wizards for a cinnamon-infused crisped rice cereal. Erewhon—a cereal manufacturer I had never tried before today—has a gluten-free product to fit this incredibly specific breakfast niche. It’s called Cinnamon Crispy Brown Rice, and with a name like that, this cereal needs a trio of cartoon dwarf mascots named Smack, Crinkle, and Pep.
