You know, if it weren’t for the Country Music Awards, we might not be in this mess.

See, the use of “Cereal,” “Cereal Bowl” or any other such noshing nomenclature really needs to be standardized. When a company tries to infuse cereal flavor into a distinctly non-cereal entity, there’s no bottom line for quality control or forced respect for the wild diversity of cereal flavor available. Much like the Food & Drug Administration, I feel we need to establish a similar agency to ensure we don’t grow complacent with plain ol’ cinnamon as the generic stand-in for cerealized snacks.

Such a bureau would have to be called the Cereal & Milk Administration, but who would take our acronym seriously?

Now I’m not knocking on Target’s Market Pantry store brand, but out of all the possible iconic cereal tastes you could choose as the stuff’s ice cream ambassador, the likeness of Cinnamon Toast Crunch—itself an interpretation of a different breakfastuff—seems underwhelming compared to the possibilities presented by Froot Loops, Golden Grahams, or even Crunch Berries.

But hey, if Cereal Bowl Ice Cream sounds right up your aisle, don’t let my mildly lactose-intolerant mewling take your eyes off the prize. I’ll still probably buy it, just to spite my intestines.

They’ve been getting reeeeeal cocky lately. Someone’s gotta put ’em in their place.