“Oh, cereal? That old fuddy-duddy?” I chuckle, as I sunbathe alarmingly bronzed and sunglassed before taking a swig of milk from a neon pink thermos, “For a hip, working fella like myself, only Diet Cereal will do. It’s sugar-free, and isn’t that just sweet?

As my smiling commercial fantasy fades out, I’m left with the lucidly real task of reviewing Catalina Crunch’s DITCH SUGAR (as it’s stylized) Dark Chocolate Artisan Cereal. This is tough, because this is not the kind of cereal I usually review here—sure, I’ve tackled healthy cereals, but no sugar? That’s like eating a hot dog bun with just ketchup. Full disclosure, I received this sample from Catalina Snacks, and I chose to review it fairly as a way to diversify my cereal coverage—and hopefully reach internationally soon.

I heard Italian cereal is that real good, deep-dish stuff.

But unlike Diet Coke and its artificial ilk, Catalina Crunch DITCH SUGAR (which I could tattoo on my knuckles) is non-calorically sweetened with plant-derived stevia, meaning this cereal is practically a vegetable. And along with the cocoa fruit? Hand me a dinner Pop-Tart, because I’m set, baby.

The cereal’s Golden Grahamic, ridged squares come in a shockingly small package. I’m not sure if it’s designed to be mixed in with yogurt or smoothies, but it hardly makes a modest bowl alone—unless I’m meant to load a magazine of them into my breakfast cannon and go off. So with careful portion control, I’ll try and make my taste test long enough to get a good read (gotta turn off the Kirby function first). Continue reading →