Tag Archives: chocolate

Review: Malt-O-Meal & Cold Stone Creamery’s Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some?

Look, I’m all for cool (especially the literally cool) cereal collaborations, but I’m sensing an ulterior motive with this one.

Malt-O-Meal & Cold Stone Creamery’s Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some? is the latest in their ice cream cereal series, after Birthday Cake Remix and Our Strawberry Blonde. And it has to be a secret social experiment by Post (M-O-M’s parent company) to see just how long they can make a cereal’s full, legal name before they drive snacky journalists wacky.

Well to that I say, nice try, but I’ll just turn it into an ugly acronym that actually takes more exertion to craft than typing it out.

So I know I really buried the lead here, but M-O-M&CSCCDYWS? is making a bold statement by claiming it contains cereal pieces actually flavored like cookie dough (while pairing them with marshmallows, but I doubt anyone in today’s marbit-fatigued zeitgeist really cares about that). There’s been little creativity in the chocolate chip cookie cereal scene as of late, ever since Keebler Cereal and its tragically puff-smothered cookie bits keeled over. That’s why there’s a lot riding on Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some? to be more than just another Cookie Crisp chaser.

Now that I’ve told my spellcheck’s autocapitalization settings to not even bother, I can answer the in-sentence question Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some? exists to ask:

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, caramel, chocolate, ice cream, malt-o-meal. Leave a comment

Jun. ’19

News: Kellogg’s UK Launches White Choc Coco Pops

As one legend falls, another shall rise.

Just as Kellogg’s U.S. has made the borderline despicable choice to make Rice Krispies Treats Cereal a crudely deconstructed caricature of its former, cult-favorite self, Kellogg’s U.K. is bringing its version of Cocoa Krispies to a bold new frontier of flavor.

Fronted by Coco the monkey, a mascot that once blessed boxes of U.S. of Cocoa Krispies from 1991-2001, White Choc(olate) Coco Pops are the first introduction of white chocolate into a cereal brand that I can think of, outside of Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme cereal (which is still appropriately and anachronistically present on Kmart’s website). That cereal was a bit of a flop, which puts the onus of white chocolate revelry squarely on Coco’s shoulders.

But hey, at least he hasn’t been uncannily CGI’d yet, unlike a certain trio of elves who now appear to be haunted wax sculptures.

While I’m unsure whether I’ll ever get the chance to taste White Choc Coco Pops, it’s no doubt been a good month for Kellogg’s U.K., who also stirred up a lot of buzz by making three different beers from the production waste of Corn Flakes, Coco Pops, and Rice Krispies—meaning that if I can’t get my hands on White Chocolate Pops, I might be able to sooth my sorrows soon with a tallboy of White Chocolate Poppin’ Porter.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: chocolate, international, kellogg's, rice krispies. 4 Comments

Jun. ’19

Review: Drumstick Cereal (Two Flavors!)

Serious question: at what point does a ‘new’ cereal just become breakfast trail mix?

Not trying to knock General Mills before trying their newest cereal, of course, but the latest and second-laziest trend of new cereal ideation (behind crude ‘mallowfication, of course) seems to be creating Greatest Hits collections of other cereals so it can be called something distinctly new. Post has done it, and Kellogg’s does it every day at their cereal café.

Whether it’s collaging or crate-digging, sampling is surely a treasured technique of assemblage. But would people rather have a pastiche of cereals past, or an actual Trail Mix Cereal with roasted peanut flakes, nutty raisins (a la Raisin Nut Bran), and chocolate morsels?

(Sorry for the specificity; I’ve been contemplating pouring milk in my 10-pound bag of Sweet & Salty Mix all week.)

For better or worse, General Mills’ new pair of Drumstick Cereals tweak the past to create an ice cream of the future (no, not that one). Launching in both Classic Vanilla and Mint Chocolate, each pairs Golden Grahams and Cocoa Puffs with newly flavored disk pieces familiar from Cookie Crisp. Turns out I had mixed feelings. To pre-conclude, as much as the back of the box tries to bamboozle us with fancy new piece names, I can’t help but wish this cereal was a cerealverse crossover instead of something Drumstick branded.

Can’t you picture Sonny the Cuckoo and Chip the Wolf surfing on Golden Graham pieces across a honeyed sea? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 4 rating, 7 rating, chocolate, general mills, mint. 9 Comments

Jun. ’19

News: Two New Malt-O-Meal Cookie Cereals!

We interrupt this week’s news blitz of new cookie-flavored and pillow-shaped cereals with something even more exciting: two big honkin’ pillow-sized bags of cookie cereal!

Just as Post is launching Mega Stuf Oreo O’s in bagged form, its subsidiary cereal kilns at Malt-O-Meal are cranking out dozens of dozens of little cookies to fill bags of new Cold Stone Creamery and mainline Malt-O-Meal Cookie Bites.

Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some is the latest (and most cumbersomely named) entry in Malt-O-Meal’s partnership with Cold Stone Creamery, which launched with the lame party of Birthday Cake Remix and fantastically grahamed Our Strawberry Blonde.

The Cold Stone flavor this is modeled on is popular for a reason. It includes “French Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate Chips, Cookie Dough, Fudge and Caramel,” i.e. the only things a human needs for eternal happiness. Cookies Doughn’t You Want Some appears to simplify the formula a great deal, only boasting cookie dough-flavored cereal with marshmallows. I sincerely hope the cookie dough base brings more nuanced, buttery or eggy richness than other cookie cereals, rather than this just being Cookie Crisp with Marbits.

Because then I’d have to call Officer Crumb to raid M-O-M headquarters with a wrongful impersonation affidavit. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: chocolate, cinnamon, ice cream, malt-o-meal. Leave a comment

Apr. ’19

News: Confetti & Chocolate Cupcake Pop-Tarts are Coming Soon!

New Confetti and Chocolate Cupcake Pop-Tarts

(Images via Kellogg’s)

Whether your stomach’s half full or half empty, there’s always more room to fill it with full-filling cupcakes. But if you’d rather circumvent common cupped and caked frustrations (why are my hands so oily? where do I put this damp, crumb-covered liner? why have we as a culture recognized Funfetti’s flavorlessly sweetened sovereignty?), then there are about to be two new and newly returned Pop-Tarts that’ll make your morning dessert a little less messy. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: chocolate, kellogg's, pop-tarts, vanilla. Leave a comment

Mar. ’19

Review: Trader Joe’s Cocoa Crunch Cereal

My advertising headcanon:

The Trader Joe’s chief executive sits down to his moderately-priced (though sustainably sourced and crafted by local upper-class private school artisans) desk, attired in a three-piece Hawaiian print suit, and lays into his most recent scheme to take over weirdly specific niche markets. Sort of like J. Jonah Jameson, but with flip-flops.

“Darn it, Leonard!” His assistant’s name is Leonard, I’ve decided. “Bring me identical versions of classic sugary cereals, but without gluten! No more gluten! If it glutes, it goes!”

At this point, poor Leonard readjusts his glasses between harrowingly scribbled notes, too cowed to make eye contact with Mr. Joe. “Y-yes, T.J. Got it. And what should we do about the box art?”

A flash of wrath crosses Trader Joe’s face for an instant, before he reconsiders. “Class. That’s what the cereal aisle is missing. Come up with the most elegant possible image and slap it on both sides. Think minimal. We’ll save on advertising and appeal to kids at the same time.”

“Yes, T.J. But… how will tasteful stock photography draw in children?”

The ire returns. “Darn it, Leonard!” He reaches into his breast pocket and pulls out a small paperback book, slapping it on the desk as everyone in the building collectively winces. “This is what today’s youth want! Get me this author! She’s going to change everything!”

And that’s how Trader Joe’s recent box art came to be designed by Marie Kondo.

In another recent salvo toward more gluten-freedom, the company has paired its prior spheroid offering with a sister release—this one a bit more along traditional cereal lines. In both shape and constitution, Trader Joe’s Gluten Free Cocoa Crunch Cereal is unmistakably meant for comparison with Cocoa Puffs. It’s a puzzling move, then, to adorn the box with a deftly arranged photo of someone’s zakka-inspired place setting with the audacious phrase “serving suggestion.” But you know what? Fine. If that’s how we’re going to play it, then this review needs to go all-in.

Time to one-up this understated high-brow aesthetic. Continue reading →

Posted by jared m.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, chocolate, trader joe's. 2 Comments

Mar. ’19

Review: Annie’s Organic Friends Bunnies Cereal

Let’s talk turkey. Or bunnies, to be seasonally appropriate.

When you’re reviewing breakfast fare, a scale is necessary. I won’t feign presumptions on how those who write about lesser foodstuffs manage to assign numerical ratings. What constitutes a perfect 10 in, say, pizza? Are there dual systems for thin crust and deep dish? Such are the fodder phantasms that haunt my countertop in the night.

Comparatively, then, I’m grateful for pantry paragons that act as polestars. We know that no cereal on the market today can, however mighty, topple Cracklin’ Oat Bran from its lofty position—even if matched by other exceptional staples. But it’s hard to compare everything against the crème de la crunch. Once in a while, we need to be reminded that superb bowls (heyoo!) exist only in light of normal, unremarkable cereal. We grade Gaussian around these parts, folks, no matter how much one may love log.

So Annie’s released a new cereal. Sort of. Remember Annie’s Homegrown? They make feel-good versions of classic favorites, like organic boxed mac and cheese, organic graham crackers, and organic fruit gummies, all in the shape of their lagomorph mascot. It’s a cute concept, often with a nightmare-conjuring price tag. This one, for instance, runs over $4 USD at my local Walmart for a relatively dinky box.

Naturally, one assumes that quality costs more. And although that hasn’t been the case historically, hare hops spring eternal. Continue reading →

Posted by jared m.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, annie's, chocolate, general mills, honey, vanilla. 4 Comments

Feb. ’19

Review: Trader Joe’s Neapolitan Puffs Cereal

Let’s take a moment to admire the abject honesty of the current cereal industry. We’ve had our ups and downs, with the occasional public health outcry shaping the way our beloved commodity is branded. Sugar Frosted Flakes became Frosted Flakes. Sugar Smacks became Honey Smacks, which was refined for a period to just Smacks before reverting back to the mean. And now, in this present age of risk-taking in the breakfast aisle, companies are owning the fact that cereal is pretty much dessert. To the sugar-coated mound of donut and cookie (for breakfast?!) cereals, we’ve also seen the advent of ice cream offerings.

I’d be remiss to not point out that Cocoa Puffs did not invent the concept. As with so many deliciously carbed rituals, the Italians did it first. So while Sicilians are enjoying their literal gelato sandwiches early in the day, apparently the norm in Naples is that unique blend of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate for which the region is named. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Sonny’s history lesson is a little vague on that one.

Trader Joe’s inexplicably decided to counter the Neapolitan Cocoa Puffs with… Neapolitan Puffs Cereal. But it’s what’s under the hood that counts, and Joe has made some special modifications. TJ looked at a fairly good cereal that does not contain beans and said, “No. This will not do.” Instead of corn, oat, or even wheat, Neapolitan Puffs is made with a similar blend of beans found in the divisive LoveGrown cereals.

Personally, I quite like the subtle beany aftertaste and uniquely forgiving crunch of Comet Crispies. At the same time, I respect that it’s not everyone’s jam (if peanuts are a legume, does that make peanut butter just bean jam?), so you can expect a fair assessment here, as well. Continue reading →

Posted by jared m.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, chocolate, ice cream, strawberry, trader joe's, vanilla. Leave a comment