I have a theory: Chex and Cheerios are both ethereally and cereally soul bonded.
See, every flavored variant of normal Chex has a direct flavor analogue in the Cheerios canon. Blueberry and Blueberry. Chocolate and Chocolate. Cinnamon and Oat Crunch. Vanilla and Frosted. Honey Nut and You Know What. I can only assume this portal between worlds was torn asunder by Fred Chexter, the protagonist of Chex Quest whose Zorching weapons are capable of interdimensional rifting.
Ready your best Oprah impression and say it with me: “You get a blueberry flavor! And you get a blueberry flavor! Everybody gets a blueberry flavor!
With the introduction of Very Berry Cheerios earlier this year, the recent rebranding of Blueberry Tiny Toast into Blueberry Toast Crunch, Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch, the unexpected appearance of Kellogg’s Blueberry Lemon Special K, the inevitable return of Boo Berry in October, and now the dawn of gluten-free Blueberry Chex, it seems like 2017 is poised to be the year of the blue-but-mostly-indigo-but-pretty-much-purple-inside-berry.
That or General Mills just had a surplus harvest of pulverized blueberry flavor dust. In that case, I expect to see Chocolate Fondue Berry Cocoa Puffs and Reese’s Peanut Butter & Blueberry Jelly Puffs any day now.
But until such a gastronomical triumph is achieved, let’s content ourselves with these Smurf-kissed corn squares. Continue reading →
If you’re a regular reader—or if you’ve ever just encountered me at a party after one too many Yoo-hoos or Crystal Pepsis—you know I love Chex Quest. I’ve written a tribute to it before, an original CD copy is among my prized possessions, and I’ve often half-jokingly considered getting Lord Snotfolus tattooed across my shoulder blades.
And now the game is being given new life with Chex Quest HD—an Unreal Engine 4 remake currently in development—and I’m giddier than an 8-year old with 50 free hours of America Online and a whole Saturday afternoon to spend them on. Pour yourself a bowl of Chex (or just some Muddy Buddies and milk: we won’t tell) and check out the world premiere of the game in motion above. Continue reading →
If you haven’t heard, I’m now a born-again granola evangelist.
See, I once doubted that granola was right for me. It felt wrong to munch on sticky Aggro Crag chunks of oats and healthy protein while I sat criss-cross applesauce in front of a Nickelodeon Guts marathon. But then a wise granola sensei taught me that “it’s not about the nutrition destination: it’s about the cinnamon syrup-coated journey.”
Or maybe I just read that on the back of an ’80s Southern Comfort Cookbook in the 10-for-$1 bin at a Salvation Army. I can’t quite remember.
Regardless, I’m ready to start seeing other granolas again. And thankfully, Nature Valley has just pushed out these new Granola Crunch pouches. Each satchel comes in either Maple Brown Sugar or Cinnamon and promises to contain the equivalent of 21 Nature Valley granola bars.
Anyone who’s ever sat on a Nature Valley granola bar, left a Nature Valley granola bar in their pocket, or even looked at a Nature Valley granola bar for more than 5 seconds knows that those things love to explode into avalanches of microscopic crumbs, so I don’t doubt Nature Valley’s claim. They probably just stuffed 21 bars into each bag and said some rude words about them behind their back.
Poor Nature Valley granola bars: too fragile for this world.
Oh, and here’s a bonus Spooned & Spotted for those of you who tragically don’t follow Cerealously on Instagram. Chex cereals are starting to roll out new box designs, and these ones are way more aesthetically pleasing. Posting this photo of those geometrically crisp pieces probably just made my high school geometry teacher cheer out loud without even knowing why.
I spotted both all of these products at Kroger, but if you’ve seen or tasted something awesome, you can send your picture or thoughts and have them featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post. All you have to do is head over to our submissions page or email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.
Need a YouTube series that’s kid tested, mother approved, and berry berry nostalgic? Well look no further than cereal documentarian Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time! This series brings colorful cereals of the past, present, and future right to your computer screen, and we want to share Gabe’s latest bowlful of videos with you.
The first is all about Kix. Kix seems to be a wildly divisive cereal: in most cases, you either grew up with sugary cereal and found Kix too bland, or you weren’t allowed to have the sweet stuff and treated Kix like a glazed oasis. Gabe, like me, falls in the former camp, but that doesn’t stop him from showcasing all of Kix’s cool extinct mascots.
Somewhere, buried in the plateaus of Montana, are the fossilized remains of that toothy cartoon cow. Continue reading →
When I talk about moments that really got me into cereal—not just cereal as a food, but cereal as a culture, hobby, and lifestyle—my discovery of Chex Quest is always one of them.
It was one of those summer days when it’s hot enough to make the sky warble and the hot dogs melt right into their buns. I had sought refuge in my cool basement and was digging through a drawer of old CD-ROMs and floppy disks. I happened upon this disk:
Since most of the other CD-ROMs contained word processing software and Encarta encyclopedias, the technicolor cartoon art on Chex Quest magnetically held my eyes and imagination alike. I couldn’t wait to boot it up, and as soon as I did, I happily lost myself in a world of pixelated breakfast heroism. Continue reading →
The cereal aisle has become a genuine clusterf*** of “extreme” styled cereal boxes boasting to passerby that their addition of oat clusters has somehow made a sugar-filled classic into something more suitable for the health-conscious.
Somewhere nearby, Honey Bunches of Oats smirks smugly at all the newbies: he’s had energy-packed clusters since 1989!
The latest of these breakfast bandwagoners is Chex Clusters. Continue reading →
