Tag Archives: cap’n crunch

Spooned & Spotted: Cap’n Crunch with 3x Bigger Berries!

Happy Independence Day, everyone! I hope you’re ready to celebrate independence from your pants size, or at least with this news of XXXL Crunch Berries, independence from unscathed palates.

This truly gasp-inducing (how else will you fit them in your mouth?) news, shared by @theghostinyoumusic on Instagram, didn’t actually take me totally by surprise. Those who remember reading about my leak of Captain Crunch’s Beach Bash will recall that I also under the trademark for Captain Crunch’s Mega Crunch.

I had no idea what it was at the time—truth be told I was hoping it was something a little cooler than giant Peanut Butter Crunch and Crunch Berries—but I guess this is more ergonomically consumed than the giant, meteoric cinder block of solid Crunch Berry I was imagining.

As you can see from The Ghost in You’s other photo, these jumbo Berries truly are powerful orbs worthy of an RPG fetch quest. And alongside news that Frosted Flakes with Marshmallows is adding 50% more marshmallows, I think this is the most fitting pair of cereal news headlines that could come out of a holiday dedicated to eating enough hot dogs that you ralph just upstream of the family pool.

Happy 4th, y’all! Get an extra Cap’n Slurpee for me.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: cap'n crunch, spooned & spotted. 2 Comments

Jul. ’18

Review: 7-Eleven Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries Slurpee

There are certain events in the cereal world that take on a great historic significance. Events that I end up referencing constantly in future reviews, party conversations, and poorly thought out wedding toasts.

In recent memory, a few spring to mind: the one-year resurrection of Frute Brute & Yummy Mummy monster cereals, the permanent revival of ’90s classics French Toast Crunch & Oreo O’s, and the documentary-worthy fall/rise of Tiny Toast & Honeycomb.

These events will no-doubt earn diagrams, if not call-out boxes in any future cereal history book. And after trying 7-Eleven’s infinitely hype-able Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries Slurpee, I’m convinced it deserves its own chapter, one worth driving all the way out to the only 7-Eleven in West Michigan to be a part of. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 10 rating, cap'n crunch, non cereal. 4 Comments

Jun. ’18

Cereal News Round Up!

It’s been a crazy couple of days for cereal—or at least, products that aren’t primarily cereal.

The chaos broke in appropriately outlandish form, with a photo of 7-11’s new Cap’n Crunch Berry Slurpee hitting Instagram thanks to @junkfoodduo. Now while my first reaction is an only-human revulsion, I remembered that if Cheetos can release a cinnamon sugar corn puff iced beverage I enjoyed, then perhaps the Cap’n can too.

I imagine it has something to do with churned cream corn?

Now before I roadtrip to the nearest 7-11 like a grog-deprived pirate, there are more chilled cereal crossovers to see.

Like a new Cocoa Puff bedazzled frozen yogurt from 16Handles, news courtesy of @markie_devo. I have no idea how wide this chain serves, but I just like the sight of a Cocoa Puff-bearded froyo that manages to come closer than any before to stealing my name.

Finally, @candyhunting discovered Toaster Strudel’s plan to release toastable little rectangles diorama’d with Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Trix.

I’m really surprised the first cereal x toaster pastry hybrid didn’t come from the typically-more-experimental family of Pop-Tarts. But I’m even more surprised that this suggests Cinnamon Toast Crunch may be on an unstoppable chain of delicious guest roles, with a Mickey Mouse-esque aura that may permeate even weirder pumpkin spice-esque areas some day.

Could we see Cinnamon Toast Crunch cat litter?

All in all, this is a terrific chain of events that we can expect to enjoy soon—though with the rate that new cereal products are being released this year, I may be doggy paddling to my fridge through crunchy rings by September.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News, Uncategorized. Tags: cap'n crunch, cocoa puffs, toast crunch. 1 Comment

May. ’18

Spooned & Spotted: Buffalo Wild Wings Crunch Berries Blender

Seeing Cap’n Crunch, the modern patron saint of the inner child within us all, at a Buffalo Wild Wings may seem jarring, but in reality, it’s a pretty good bit of breakfast lore continuity.

You see (you see how I started this sentence with “you” so I wouldn’t have two with “see” in a row?), the Cap’n has been picking up athletics again over the past couple years, returning to his position as the MVP of sugary-sporty cereals with Home Run Crunch, Touch Down Crunch, and Soccer Crunch. So it only makes sense that eventually, he would sprain one or many parts of nautical old anatomy, and he’d instead retire from real sports and settle for a career in the game of kings:

Sitting at a Buffalo Wild Wings yelling at the TV with hot sauce on his pointing fingers.

But the Cap’n isn’t content with just watching: he’s milking this deal out with a new milkshake. It’s called the Crunch Berries Blender, and it’s a non-alcoholic mix of whipped & ice creams + Crunch Berries cereal. Spotted by my own dear sister on Snapchat (hence the obfuscatory punctuation), this merry mix should be out at Buffalo Wild Wings locations already. Here’s the full recipe:

Guess I’ll have to bust out my dusty old “feigned interest in sports” from the basement to try it. I bet it still fits, too!

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: cap'n crunch, milkshake. 1 Comment

Apr. ’18

News: Cap’n Crunch’s Beach Bash Crunch is Coming Soon (Plus Bonus Crunch Rumors!)

Cap’n Crunch is the Mario of the cereal world.

Aside from the killer ‘stache and symbolic embodiment of an undying imaginative childhood, Horatio Magellan Crunch and Italy’s most esteemed septic specialist also share a knack for character versatility.

Where Mario has appeared in basketball games, parties, races, hotels, and even famous disappearances, the Cap’n has likewise found himself playing sports, slinging ice cream, and even infamously disappearing.

And now, until we get the Cap’n Crunch Kart video game the world deserves—power-ups will naturally include Soggies that turn the track squishy—ol’ H. M. Crunch is hitting the beach. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: cap'n crunch, quaker. Leave a comment

Apr. ’18

Spooned & Spotted: Cap’n Crunch’s Soccer Crunch

(Photo via hollywooderik on eBay)

Fill another World Cup of joe, and get ready to fill your World Bowl with tri-colored Crunchberries, because Cap’n Crunch’s Soccer Crunch, first seen in 2010, is alive and kicking again.

Spotted by Oreo Hunters on Instagram then uncovered in an eBay auction, 2018’s re-release of Soccer Crunch trades the original’s Cap’n Crunch with red and blue ‘Berries into a strictly faux-fruity affair.

Now that we’ve got our daily serving of imaginary fruit, can we get some Crunchbroccoli?

Cereal scholars will notice that these reskinned Crunchberries are even less original than they seem. It looks like the cereal pieces from Freedom Crunch, an unreleased concept cereal that hit only the selectest of select markets last summer, have found a new team in this sports-themed variant.

In short, the athletic modern Crunch trilogy of HomeRun and TouchDown Crunch is now complete, and I’ll have to find another creative way to review the same cereal I’ve eaten 100 times.

Now that’s a lofty GOOOOOOOAAAALLLL!

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: cap'n crunch, quaker. 2 Comments

Feb. ’18

News: Cap’n Crunch’s Patriotic “Freedom Crunch” Did Exist!

Life’s most beautiful things are like fireworks: they’re here for a short time, they make us say ooh and ahh, and then they’re gone.

In this case, the awe-inspiring thing in question was here for such a short time that we thought it wasn’t, and the only ooh’ing and ahh’ing it made us do was when it cut up the roofs of our mouths.

To explain this demented odyssey, after some in-depth sleuthing last year, I reported that a red, white, blue, and totally unexpected Freedom Crunch cereal would be coming out. No matter how strange it was, I was convinced of its legitimacy after spotting it on reputable grocery sites.

But then I had to quickly redact my claims, after the Cap’n himself said it wasn’t a real product and another trustworthy source told me it was a scrapped product idea.

Cue months of radio silence, until I received an email with the above image, from a humble cereal lover who claimed the cereal did come out for Independence Day in his neck of the woods in Minnesota. He scooped a bunch of boxes and may now own the world’s only remaining supply of Freedom Crunch Cereal, which was somehow right under our noses for 3 months before I posted about it.

Why am I telling you this? Because whether or not I ever get to taste it, Freedom Crunch will go down in breakfast history as one of cereal’s great mysteries, right up there with PB&J Cereal, Cherry Vanilla Cheerios, and the legendary 2013 Pop-Tart Cereal.

If you know more about Freedom Crunch or any other mythical cereal cryptids, hit me up at cerealously.net@gmail.com and we’ll get to the bottom of it. The tasty truth is out there, people.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Uncategorized. Tags: cap'n crunch. 7 Comments

Oct. ’17

News: Cap’n Crunch’s Freedom Crunch is Coming Soon, for Some Reason

Cap'n Crunch's Freedom Crunch Cereal Box

(Image via Quaker)

(Important Update: Cap’n Crunch himself has alerted me that this is not a real cereal hitting shelves. It was a scrapped concept never meant to be seen online. I’ll leave this post up for history’s sake, but know that you won’t be crunching into a bowl of AmeriCrunch any time soon.)

I’m not here to extrapolate on Cap’n Crunch’s political views—after he saved the Earth’s supply of Crunchium in the Volcanica at the Earth’s molten core, I know he’s a humanitarian, and that’s enough for me.

So here’s my completely non-partisan take on Freedom Crunch, the newest Cap’n Crunch variety, coming soon: it’s red, white, and blue Crunchberries, and that sounds delicious. I would like to eat it, because I believe that it would taste good. For breakfast. With milk.

That is all. Thanks for reading!

In all seriousness, I don’t know why Cap’n Crunch is debuting such a patriotic cereal in a non-major election year, so far from 4th of July. But hey: I guess Quaker had to use the Crunchberry colors they already have, and ‘Merica-themed made more sense than Swirly Toothpaste or Barbershop Pole Crunch.

No word yet on when this cereal is hitting shelves—maybe we won’t see it ’til Independence Day—but until then, I can admire the gorgeously drawn, saluting eagle, and see if I can buy a flagpole small enough to hoist a cardboard box above my kitchen table.

It’s just too bad they didn’t release this two years ago—could have called them “Crunch Barries.”

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: cap'n crunch, news. 9 Comments