Tag Archives: 9 rating

Review: Kellogg’s Jif PB&J Cereal

Let me tell you a story, dear readers. The story of PB&J cereal.

Introduced by Quaker in the late ’80s, PB&J featured light brown peanut butter puff pieces accompanied by light magenta jelly puffs. Rumor has it that it only reached isolated test markets, and other conspiracy theorists doubt whether it existed at all.

Either way, what we do know is that PB the explorer and his canine pal J, the mascots of PB&J cereal, are now mysterious relics of cereal lore, and they have long left fans of the famous grade school lunch sandwich wishing for a cereal with the same flavor.

But now, Kellogg’s is hoping to satisfy the cravings of PB&J nuts with this brand new cereal. It’s Jif PB&J, and it combines Jif peanut butter pieces with strawberry jelly puffs. So allow me to pretend I’m in 4th grade again, as I open my crinkling bag to review this hopefully nostalgic treat.

(Man, Kellogg’s really missed an opportunity by not packaging it in brown paper lunch bags.) Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs, peanut butter. 6 Comments

Nov. ’15

Review: Kashi Honey Sunshine Cereal

Despite the cornu-copious stacks of Thanksgiving leftovers filling my fridge like a game of tupperware Jenga, after Hot Turkey Sandwich #3, I’m left hungry for something simpler. Something that doesn’t need 45 seconds in the microwave and then 45 more seconds in the microwave because the outside didn’t feel hot but the inside is secretly fiery magma that’s about to give my tongue a sizzling suplex.

And what exactly is that something? Well take one more look at the name of this website and then guess.

That’s right: I need some cereal!

And since I’ve already reviewed the most Thanksgiving-y cereal on store shelves, I’m gonna sit my buns down on the couch-y and snuggle up with a different bowl of Kashi. Since the days are growing shorter and colder, it felt right to go with Honey Sunshine. Besides, with Black Friday upon us, we certainly could use a little sunshine. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kashi. 6 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Spookylicious Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts

Like a zombie rising from its grave, the burning hot, neon orange frosted pastry pops out of the toaster. It doesn’t groan, but it does sizzle. And it isn’t hungry to eat brains. No, it wants to be the one that gets eaten!

And I’m happy to oblige. Back again for 2015 are Spookylicious Pop-Tarts. They’re pretty much just regular Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts that have instead been frosted jack-o-lantern orange and sneezed on by some great, sprinkle-spewing monster. Surprisingly, this idea somehow beat out “Fergilicious Pop-Tarts,” which would have been equally scary. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, halloween, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 1 Comment

Sep. ’15

Review: Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini-Wheats Cereal

As we all wait for the Great Pumpkin (he’ll show, trust me!), let’s gather round, snuggle up with our our Linus blankets, and I’ll tell you all about one of the only cereal options available for pumpkin junkies: Kellogg’s Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini-Wheats!

Kellogg’s introduced these hay bale-shaped love letters to autumn a few months ago, but now they’re finally reaching the shelves of mainstream grocery stores everywhere. If you stopped reading that sentence halfway through to pull on your socks and shout “Honey, start the car!” I fully understand. While you shop, I’ll sit here and entertain your cat, who is now reading the screen in your absence. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs, mini-wheats, pumpkin. 7 Comments

Sep. ’15

Review: Count Chocula Cereal (2015)

It feels just like Christmas morning…that is, if your idea of Christmas morning involves carved pumpkins, $2 fake cobwebs from CVS, and VHS tapes of the Halloween series playing on infinite repeat (yes, even The Curse of Michael Myers is welcome here).

Why is that?

Because monster cereals are back, baby!

Even though it’s only mid-September, and people haven’t even put away their Labor Day decorations yet (you mean you don’t have a giant inflatable businessman on your front lawn?), Walgreen’s is already committed to injecting the orange and black life essence of Halloween straight into the veins of consumers. Okay, maybe a poor choice of verbiage for a place that contains a pharmacy. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, count chocula, general mills, halloween, monster cereals. 10 Comments

Aug. ’15

Review: Minions Banana Berry Flavor Cereal

I know, I know.

You’re probably sick of seeing these little yellow dudes everywhere. From the neighborhood crane machine, to to the little stickers on bananas, all the way to the life quote meme your grandma shared on Facebook in all caps, they’ve invaded every aspect of daily life with their soulless, goggled eyes and Twinkie-esque bodies.

But now that Minion fever is beginning to taper off, it’s time for a rational, clear-headed look at one of the more interesting Minions-branded products to hit shelves: General Mills’ “special edition” Minions cereal. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, banana, general mills. 1 Comment

Jul. ’15

Review: Raisin Bran Crunch Cereal

*BEEP. BEEP. BEEEEEP!*

Picture it: you angrily punch the alarm clock and groan loudly to the heavens above your bleary, slowly focusing eyes.

It’s Monday again, so you try to channel your inner Garfield and muster up some sarcastic quip, but the lingering sleepies in your eyes prevent any coherent thought. Oh well, so much for the orange cat. At least you do have leftover lasagna for lunch. Or is it linguini?

Hey! Enough dawdling! You have to go to work!

You stumble and bumble through your morning routine (Pants on right-side-out? Check. Sickeningly black coffee brewing? Check.), even though your mind is still in last night’s dream with Carmen Electra and that piñata in a jacuzzi. If you’re gonna make it through Johnson’s 9am “productivity jamboree,” you’re gonna need something wholesome, yet satisfying for breakfast.

So you tear open the pantry like Chewbacca tears off arms, and you see the sun smiling back at you. No, not that flaming hot, helium-loving ball in the sky: this is a good sun. The one proudly hoisting twin scoops on your familiar purple box of Raisin Bran Crunch. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs, raisin bran. 2 Comments