Tag Archives: 9 rating

Review: Peanut Butter & Cocoa Pebbles Cereal

Yabba dabba DUUUUDE!

That was my dinosaur bone-a fide reaction after smelling, eating, and then continuing to eat Post’s latest entry in the Flintstone clan’s second most vitamin-packed series of products: Peanut Butter & Cocoa Pebbles cereal.

The reason I was so surprised was because PB&C Peebs (the two of us are close now, so I can use pet names) is the first Pebbles cereal since Sugar Cookie to win me over.

What's your unpopular cereal opinion?

I personally feel Pebbles are overrated, get soggy too fast, and just make me hungrier.

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) April 29, 2018

See, I’ve historically treated the cereals with snark and mild derision, as I’m not usually a fan of airy cereals that leave me hungrier after I’ve finished them.

But here, oh sweet Barney here we have a cereal tasty enough to justify a vicious cycle of crunch-munch-repeat.

So hold onto your novelty Jurassic Park hats, because I’m about to walk you through it bite by trilobite.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, chocolate, peanut butter, pebbles, post. 2 Comments

May. ’18

Review: Pop-Tarts Strawberry Cheesecake Splitz

Leave it to Kellogg’s to know what we want, before we even want it.

If the arcane flavor wizards behind Pop-Tarts came to me like genies in the night, asking what my ideal combo of an old and new toaster pastry would be, it wouldn’t include Strawberry and Cheesecake—only because I’m not creative enough. I’d probably say something dumb, like Maple Brown Sugar + Honey, Raspberry + Doughnut, or Chocolate Fudge + Cookie Butter.

Wait, wait: those are good ideas. Who told you I wasn’t creative, Kellogg’s? Get your best poppin’ people on these! But seriously, Strawberry Cheesecake Pop-Tarts are genius, too. So genius, that I’d love to see a whole factory, just making cheesecake Pop-Tarts!

I’d call it…The Mascarpone Mill.

While the idea is good, the last Pop-Tarts Splitz I had left me a little apprehensive—its two strong flavor personalities argued more than they played nice—so the only solution is to dive in to one of these suckers like a kid into a pool full of cheesecake.

(If I say “pool full of cheesecake” enough times, I’m hoping Sara Lee will make it a reality) Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs, pop-tarts. 2 Comments

May. ’18

Review: Honeycomb Cereal (It’s Back! Original Flavor)

You know the end of the movie, when the big bad has been defeated and the main, side, tertiary, and no-name characters (who will definitely get fan fiction lore) are all celebrating a fight/romance/exorcism well done?

That’s where we are—in the third act of Honeycomb’s story.

Here’s the IMDB-worthy synopsis for those who eat their breakfasts under the comfort of a shady rock:

Honeycomb cereal, good for years.
Lots of people, eat Honeycomb for years.
Post Foods, makes Honeycomb all natural.
Post Foods, thinks they know what people want.
Post Foods, is wrong.
Hundreds of people, mad about Honeycomb.
Hundreds of people, blame me, divine meddling, spam the word GARBAGE.
Post Foods, brings back Honeycomb
Cool, hip blogger, reviews Honeycomb again

Long story short, BIG REAL HONEY FLAVOR is back, baby, and Andre the Giant is fist-pumping in his grave. Now let’s see if all that buzz holds up. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, honey, honeycomb, post. 32 Comments

Mar. ’18

Review: Lucky Charms with Magical Unicorn Marshmallows

The year is 2022: the last known record of humankind.

Following the success of their Magical Unicorn, Jazzy Yeti, and Iridescent Riddle-Telling Sphinx marshmallows, Lucky Charms has decided to keep the cryptozoological marbit trend rolling with a sugar nugget more mythical than ever before: a Technicolor Cthulhu marshmallow!

Predictably, this marshmallow becomes too ornately psychoactive—too destructively beautiful—instantly vaporizing any who see it with its multi-folded, granulated power. The end of civilization naturally follows.

Grim, I know, but that deadly premonition is years away. We should rejoice while we can, because Lucky Charms’ newest Magical Unicorn is a gorgeous harbinger of breakfast doom. It also marks a very strange shift in Lucky Charms’ ethos: just a year or two ago, General Mills was so committed to removing artificial colors that they turned the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles—veritable icons of neon ’80s excess—into pallid reptile droppings (that still tasted good, mind you).

There were even reports that Lucky Charms would lose its artificial colors too, by the end of 2017 or so, leading tinfoil-hat conspiracists like me to predict last year’s Mixed-Up Marshmallow Cereal were conditioning cereal lovers to accept color changes. But after the milk-splashing cannonball of a flop that was all natural Trix, GM seems to have abandoned this ideal, bringing back Trix and introducing this very very artificially colored unicorn marshmallow, finally acquiescing to the ravenous demands of inner children everywhere.

Because the best news is that the Magical Unicorn is a permanent addition to the Lucky Charms family, replacing the youngest of the brood: the hourglass. I’d like to see how the Unicorn explains the ‘glass’ absence to the rest of the sugary fam, but I’m sure it can just say he’s “having the time of his life at a farm upstate.” Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, lucky charms. 1 Comment

Nov. ’17

Review: Kellogg’s Donut Shop Pink Donut Cereal

Every so often, a cereal appears that you didn’t know you needed in your life. That is, until you taste it and realize that a part of you—a small, quiet part chilling out near the gall bladder—has had its secret cravings fulfilled. Kellogg’s Pink Donut Cereal is one of those cereals.

Like Superman Cereal‘s Nilla Wafer-esque goodness or Chocolate Mini-Wheats‘ pangs of ice cream sandwich goodness, Pink Donut Cereal—one of two entries in Kellogg’s new Donut Shop cereal line (the other is chocolate)—fulfills a very specific and very nostalgic flavor niche. So before you go all hipster-vegan-doughnut-shop on me, turning your maple-bacon-ganache-primed nostrils up and saying, “Pshh, Kellogg’s just reused their Froot Loops shaped and called them doughnuts,” or, “Pink is not a flavor. She’s a wildly successful pop music artist whom I only enjoy ironically,” hear me out:

Kellogg’s Pink Donut Cereal is good, and it tastes like a very specific pink thing you already know and love. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs. 7 Comments

Nov. ’17

Review: Limited Edition Banana Nut Cheerios Cereal (2017)

The only thing I love more than bread is bread that lets me pretend I’m eating healthy.

That’s why banana bread and zucchini bread were the butten-laden cornerstones of my developmental years’ food pyramid. That’s why I’ve preserved my grandma’s mathematically perfected zucchini bread recipe into adulthood. And that’s probably why my gut is steadily taking the shape of a banana bread loaf, protruding through my shirt like T-1000 through a wall.

Even though a zucchini bread cereal is as likely as North Korea letting pigs into their no-fly zone, I’m ecstatic that we’ve seen a recent resurgence of banana bread cereals. First we got Canada’s Banana Bread Shreddies, and now fan-favorite Banana Nut Cheerios are back from whatever Davy Jones’ Pantry General Mills condemned them to for the past year or two.

And yes, I know it’s called Banana Nut Cheerios and not Banana Bread, but we all know that’s “banana nut” is a term invented by Big Bread to keep even the carb-conscious in the palm of their crust-caressing hands. But enough conspiracy: let’s slice, peel, and crack open a box! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, banana, cheerios, general mills. 9 Comments

Oct. ’17

Review: Classic Trix Cereal (with 6 colors again!)

To paraphrase the illustrious Milhouse Van Houten: “Remember Trix? They’re back! …In ~~Pog form~~ 6 colors.

Okay, well Trix never actually left, but when General Mills removed the cereal’s artificial colors and flavors at the start of last year, it kind of desaturated the cereal in the public eye. And even I’ll admit that, while I appreciated the cereal’s newly authentic fruit flavor at first, its overly citrusy taste profile started to sour on me. Before long, I was out there on the front lines with my “Give Me Red Dye #40 Or Give Me An Even Swifter Death” picket sign.

And apparently General Mills heard the anguished cries of a bunny litter’s worth of distraught inner children, because now “Classic” Trix is back on shelves alongside its tri-colored companion. So whether you’re hankering for a carrot or a slice of carrot cake, Trix has something for you, your kids, and all your silly rabbits to gnaw on.

Let’s take a flavor roadtrip back to the ancient old days of early 2016, shall we? Don’t forget to bring your Sports Almanac! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, general mills, trix. 15 Comments

Oct. ’17

Review: Burger King Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shake

Lucky number seven, everyone.

That’s right: Burger King’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shake is the seventh cereal milkshake I’ve reviewed in the year 2017. In fact, it’s the seventh cereal milkshake I’ve reviewed ever.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch is a top candidate for Most-Beloved Cereal Ever. Alongside, Honey Nut Cheerios, Frosted Flakes, and Cap’n Crunch, it’s a cult classic—and for good reason: it’s got cinnamon sugar swirls in every bite. It’s the taste you can see!

Well now it’s the taste you can suck, too, thanks to Burger King. I don’t know how it took so long for the Meat-Puck Maestro to adapt this fan favorite, but I’m glad he did. The cylindrical ivory tower standing before me, adorned with an ethereal whipped cream peak and filled with modest beige freckles, is certainly an unassuming beast, but I’m ready to take down its pasteurized soft-serve Walls of Jericho with my plastic reverse-trumpet.

Or as some call it, “a straw.” Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, cinnamon, non cereal, toast crunch. 1 Comment