Tag Archives: 8 rating

Review: Nestlé Lion Cereal Bar

Whether it’s a Rice Krispies Treat, a trendy cereal restaurant, or an exam for becoming a certified breakfast lawyer, the term “Cereal Bar” can refer to many things. While nutritionists and choosy moms may disagree with me, I believe that Nestlé’s iconic Lion Bar fits the bill, too. Go ahead and debate me on it, M.D.s and mommies: portable breakfast argumentation was the topic of my Cereal Law School dissertation.

Okay fine, I may not have the degree to back that up, but I do have this European Lion Bar’s ingredient list, which says my lumpy brown cylinder contains “8% cereals.” Plus the lion mascot on the front boasts how the bar is “EXTRA CRISPY.” All you have to do is imagine a floppy striped hat on top of his mane, and this bellowing fellow could join Snap, Crackle, and Pop’s Krispies crew.

Because, as it turns out, the tempting bumps studded below every Lion Bar’s rugged, chocolaty landscape aren’t nuts, chocolate chips, Oreo bits, or entire miniaturized cheesecakes—I know, I was hoping for the last one, too. They’re little bits of wispy crisped rice. And even on my first bite, they popped with a roaring intensity. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, caramel, cereal bar, nestle. 8 Comments

Dec. ’16

Classic Review: Double Chocolate Krave Cereal

It’s been a relatively slow year for new holiday cereals, so I figured I’d celebrate the coziest time of year by revisiting one of my personal cozy cocoa classics. After all, it is the season for reconnecting with loved ones.

I’ve mentioned in my previous Krave reviews that the cereal is definitely divisive: most people either adore it (hi, I’m Dan: nice to meet you) or think it tastes like dog food pellets stuffed with expired chocolate pudding. But perhaps in this time of camaraderie and giving, we can give the Krave civil war a rest. Because I like to think that Double Chocolate is Krave’s most universally palatable flavor.

Why is that? Well I’m glad you asked. Pour yourself a glass of chocolate milk, chocolate eggnog, or questionably stale chocolate pudding and let me tell you. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, chocolate, kelloggs, krave. 1 Comment

Nov. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Cranberry Almond Raisin Bran Granola

You didn’t think I’d end Thanksgiving week without reviewing something at least tangentially related to Turkey Day, did you?

It’s true: the connection between Grandma’s homemade, Thanksgiving dinner cranberry sauce and Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Granola with Cranberries and Almonds is loose at best, but play along with me here. At least this granola won’t jiggle uncomfortably or come with a side of equally uncomfortable dinner table politics.

I reviewed the honey version of Raisin Bran Granola earlier this year, and I’d like to say I intentionally saved the cranberry kind for this thematically appropriate review, but the truth is that the first variety wasn’t particularly exciting or memorable. It just tasted like hyper-toasted, nearly burnt oats. Let’s see if its fruitier cousin shares a passion for dark meat. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, granola, kelloggs, raisin bran. 1 Comment

Nov. ’16

Review: Quaker “Bring Your Best Bowl” Oatmeal Finalists

Wait, does this mean my “PB&J Oatmeal” idea got rejected?

And my “Double Stuf Oreo Oatmeal” idea, too? Even my “Neapolitan Oatmeal,” “Thanksgiving Leftovers Oatmeal,” and intentionally redundant “Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie Oatmeal” ideas? All thrown in the trash heap?

Okay fine, Quaker Oats guy, I’ll accept this criminal oversight, only because the flavor finalists in your user-submitted “Bring Your Best Bowl” contest sound pretty darn good. There were over 500,000 entries for the competition earlier this year, but only three tempting tastes remain: Vanilla Chai Oatmeal, Lemon Ricotta Pancake Oatmeal, and Apple Cheddar Rosemary Oatmeal.

To pick the winner, Quaker has slapped all three finalists into a single box. It’s up to us—the humble consumers—to try ’em and vote with our taste buds here: the winner will be “saved” on shelves. Since this is a game of oatmeal life or death, I figured I’d do my civic duty and eat three breakfasts in a day. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, 7 rating, 8 rating, non cereal, oatmeal, quaker. 16 Comments

Nov. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts (Printed Fun!)

Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts are symbolic of a centuries-old conflict.

See, in the battle for holiday cookie supremacy, gingerbread men and snickerdoodles are the obvious competitors. But as those two vie for kitchen counter dominance—as gingerbread men tragically lose their limbs and as the ‘doodles stop snickering—sugar cookies look on from afar, calm and Buddha-like.

Sugar cookies rarely get media spotlight—after all, they’re not shaped like adorable people or flecked with glittering cinnamon sugar. But sugar cookies are still annual staples for a good reason: they’re reliably delicious, and few would ever dare to debate that, lest they evoke the collective rage of a billion treat-baking grandmas.

This universal appeal is probably what made the late Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch (goodnight, sweet cereal prince) so widely beloved, and it’s what brings “Printed Fun” Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts back to shelves year after year. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, holiday, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 6 Comments

Oct. ’16

Review: Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal

I’m 3 packets deep into my box of Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal, yet I can’t stop thinking about Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

Maybe I’m crazy, or maybe this is actually some grand, Illuminati-level conspiracy between Trader Joe and Cheesasaurus Rex, but every bite of TJ’s soft, sopping, and starchy Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal tastes like mashed-up mac noodles bathed in an autumnal, earthy pumpkin sauce.

Yep, I’m definitely crazy. But before you lock me up in the nuthouse, my pinwheeling legs kicking and my oatmeal-specked mouth screaming “But it ain’t easy being cheesy! It ain’t, I tell you!” as the bars clang shut, let me rewind this whole pumpkin oatmeal snafu. Because despite my nutty introduction, there’s a lot to love about this nutty breakfast. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, non cereal, oatmeal, pecan, pumpkin, trader joe's. 1 Comment

Oct. ’16

Review: Franken Berry Monster Cereal (2016)

Poor Franken Berry. Our strawberry-flavored, lumpy headed friend is constantly overshadowed by Count Chocula’s mainstream appeal and Boo Berry’s cult appeal. Despite the fact that he’s a big pink creature, Franken Berry’s really more like the black sheep of the Monster Cereal family.

But that’s why I love Frank so much. He’s an outsider’s outsider. He’s a champion of the niche. And most of all, he’s a role model for the weird, the different, and the artificially colored. And that’s why I’m voting Franken Berry all the way in this year’s Monster Cereal Election. Because in a world where artificial colors are being drained from our cereals faster than blood from a vampire bite, Frank is committed to making cereal unnaturally pink again.

Let’s revisit Frank’s flavor platform to make sure his policies match his nostalgic rhetoric. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, franken berry, general mills, halloween, monster cereals, strawberry. 3 Comments

Sep. ’16

Review: General Mills Count Chocula Monster Cereal (2016)

I feel like I’m giving a toast at Count Chocula’s wedding. I mean, what is there left to say about an old friend who has been by my side nearly my whole life? Am I right, folks?

I definitely remember having a box of the Count by my elementary school-aged side during those otherwise dismal autumns that heralded the return of homework and playground bullies. And this fanged friend reliably returned year after year like a bloodthirsty Santa Claus. It doesn’t matter that General Mills’ annual Monster Cereal news in late August is like a new Fast & Furious film announcement: we all may know it’s coming, but we still collectively lose our minds anyway.

The only bad part about Count Chocula & Friends’ yearly visit is that they must at some point leave us. And even though the Monsters’ departure from shelves is more of a slow bleed out (I’ve found Boo Berry in close-out stores through late July of the next year) than an abrupt goodbye, Monster-less November mornings are nonetheless marred by a few milky crocodile tears.

So this night’s for you, Count Chocula: may your marriage to the Countess be happy. But enough sentimentality—just because I’ve reviewed Count Chocula cereal before doesn’t mean I can’t make it my fall tradition. Who knows, maybe I’ll taste something I missed before.

Let’s free these chocolate ghosts from their plastic sarcophagus. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, chocolate, count chocula, general mills, halloween, monster cereals. 3 Comments