Tag Archives: 8 rating

Review: Oreo O’s Cereal (2017)

Oreo O’s are back in America. This is true.

So naturally, this review is going to be unnecessarily long and rambling—but spoiler alert: not in a good way. Before we get to that, though, I figure a crash course in Oreo O’s 1O1 is appropriate. I’ve already exhaustively covered the cereal’s history in last year’s review of imported Oreo O’s, so head there for all the textbook-worthy details, but here’s an IMDB-worthy synopsis:

In 1997, Oreo O’s blessed us with its authentic Oreo cookie flavor in creme-sprinkled chocolate cereal ring form. Then in 2007, when the world needed it most, Oreo O’s (which had marshmallows by this point) vanished…everywhere but South Korea, where you could buy it until 2014 and then again in 2016. It’s finally back in America, 10 years after hibernating, and you probably heard about it 10 times from BuzzFeed in the past 2 hours alone.

And while I can’t prove that I am the world’s biggest Oreo O’s fan, that hasn’t stopped me from calling Guinness about it. So since this is my favorite cereal, and since I’ve spent enough on the South Korean stuff to rent an Aruban timeshare, you’d think I’d be beyond geeked to see Oreo O’s back in their home turf. But I’m not geeked. Nor am I freaked, piqued, or as the kids probably no longer say, “on-fleeked.”

Why not? Because like a Scooby-Doo villain, these Oreo O’s are not what they seem. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Uncategorized. Tags: 8 rating, chocolate, oreo o's, post. 12 Comments

Jun. ’17

Review: Blueberry Chex Cereal

Ready your best Oprah impression and say it with me: “You get a blueberry flavor! And you get a blueberry flavor! Everybody gets a blueberry flavor!

With the introduction of Very Berry Cheerios earlier this year, the recent rebranding of Blueberry Tiny Toast into Blueberry Toast Crunch, Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch, the unexpected appearance of Kellogg’s Blueberry Lemon Special K, the inevitable return of Boo Berry in October, and now the dawn of gluten-free Blueberry Chex, it seems like 2017 is poised to be the year of the blue-but-mostly-indigo-but-pretty-much-purple-inside-berry.

That or General Mills just had a surplus harvest of pulverized blueberry flavor dust. In that case, I expect to see Chocolate Fondue Berry Cocoa Puffs and Reese’s Peanut Butter & Blueberry Jelly Puffs any day now.

But until such a gastronomical triumph is achieved, let’s content ourselves with these Smurf-kissed corn squares. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, blueberry, chex, fruit, general mills. 14 Comments

Jun. ’17

Review: Peanut Butter Cup Cereal Milk Powdered Drink Mixxer

I wholeheartedly support the powderization of all cereals and milks. One day, humanity will inevitably go too far and causes its own extinction by putting too much x-treme nacho cheese flavor into a single corn chip or attempting an Oreo flavor that tastes like God’s leftovers. When our food science hubris causes our downfall, I still want post-human lifeforms to enjoy Earthen snack culture by reconstituting old powdered foodstuffs with long shelf lives.

Hence why this line of new powdered Cereal Milk drink “Mixxers” is a step in the right direction. When the self-aware Doritos turn on us, I’ll still be able to savor a tall glass of Reese’s Puff-flavored milk while watching the atomic orange sun set on mankind.

And Peanut Butter Cup isn’t the only flavor, either. These innovative products, which seek to re-create the flavor of cereal endmilk without that daunting “eating cereal” part, also come in Frosted Flake and Cinnamon Crunch. And while I’d love to raise a GRRR-EAT Cinnamon Toast to all three varieties, these things cost as much as a family-sized cereal box. So I embraced my soul-deep Reese’s Cup love and took the choco-nutty plunge.

Now let’s mix this stuff into everything I have in my pantry. Look out, Chef Boyardee. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, chocolate, non cereal, peanut butter, reese's puffs. 2 Comments

May. ’17

Review: Special K Blueberry with Lemon Clusters Cereal

I will forever associate blueberry-lemon flavor combos with the word loaf.

Apparently it’s really common to stuff blueberries and lemon juice into moist bricks of pound cake so dense they could K.O. passing construction workers if not properly secured to the kitchen table. And even though Starbucks has apparently never sold blueberry-lemon loaf next to the register (I still remember seeing it: I blame a highly caffeinated Mandela Effect), fat slices of the stuff would look right at home next to the chain’s cavalcade of other pastries whose sophisticated pedestals and tiny signs tempt you to consume 80% of your daily recommended calories before 9am.

So when I heard that Special K Blueberry with Lemon Clusters was going to be the wholesome cereal line’s newest flavor, I happily ditched my macchiato mid-order and impulsively considered buying a bread maker. Tasting all the flavor of blueberry-lemon loaf without giving myself loaf-handles?

Consider it bun. Err, I mean done. Sorry: too many carbs on my mind. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, blueberry, kelloggs, lemon, special k. 13 Comments

May. ’17

Review: Trolls Cereal (Rainbow Crunch)

Movie cereals are like grizzly bears. And Post’s new Trolls Rainbow Crunch cereal is living proof.

No, I don’t that movie cereals taste like salmon and ruin your campsite. Rather, they just like to hibernate—for very long periods of time. See, back in cereal’s Golden Age, movie cereals had heart: fortified heart. From double-crunching C-3PO’s to Reese’s Pieces-flavored E.T. cereal, these cinematic cereals were as innovative as they were memorably tasty.

But then the breakfast film industry must have crashed, or at least fell asleep. Because for what felt like decades, every movie cereal was basic and bland. Most were either cheap Lucky Charms knock-offs or some generically fruity or chocolaty puffed shape. No franchise was safe, from Shrek and Shrek 2 to Shrek and seriously why the heck were there so many Shrek cereals?

But very recently, matinee meals have been stirring from their slumber, returning once more to the creative concepts of their more marquee-worthy years. Minions Banana Berry cereal was a crunchy smoothie. Disney Princess cereal is rethinking the tired oats ‘n’ ‘mallows gambit. Batman and Superman fought with volleys of caramel-iciousness and fondued berries.

And now? Trolls Rainbow Crunch Cereal—based on a 2017 DreamWorks movie based on a bug-eyed, soft-serve-haired fad toy from the 1960s—is bringing peace to the world of fruity cereals. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, movie cereals, post. 6 Comments

May. ’17

Review: Frosted Watermelon Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts

You may think that there’s nothing more delicious on a hot summer day than a fresh, juicy slice of watermelon. But true beach bums and Slip ‘n’ Slide savants know that a Watermelon Pop-Tart is is the more economic choice for warm weather refreshment. Just consider the benefits of eating a fruity watermelon crust quadrilateral over the real thing:

– Watermelon Pop-Tarts are seedless.
– Watermelon Pop-Tarts won’t ruin your white shorts with drippy mess.
– Real watermelons can’t be stored in your glove compartment.
– Real watermelons can’t be shoved into a toaster (without calamity, at least).
– Most of all, real watermelons taste like, well, water. Watermelon Pop-Tarts taste like zany water that went to clown college.

And while regular watermelons have gone for thousands of years without a flavor upgrade, Kellogg’s classic Watermelon Pop-Tarts have become jollier and atomically greener with the release of Watermelon Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts. As the last Jolly Rancher Pop-Tart I’ll be reviewing, Watermelon has a chance to exceed the mixed reputations of its brethren: Green Apple is interestingly sweet & sour, while Cherry is like an egg roll stuffed with liquefied Swedish Fish.

With this precedent, I expect Watermelon Jolly Rancher Pop-Tarts to taste like ranch dressing. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 2 Comments

Apr. ’17

Review: Burger King Froot Loops Shake

“I love this thing. I actually just had Froot Loops at 3a.m. last night—cereal really is great at any time of the day.”

You know a milkshake is gonna be good when you order it and the Burger King cashier feels inspired to gush over cereal. It was this serendipitous cereal fanboyism that made me certain BK’s new Froot Loops Shake would be true to its namesake breakfast classic before I even tried it.

When I first heard about this cereal milkshake, I was instantly excited. It sounded like the ol’ creepily masked monarch who gave humanity the Whopper had really outdone himself this time by mixing vanilla soft serve, Froot Loops cereal bits, a tantalizingly ambiguous “sweet sauce,” and whipped topping. But would the actual thing live up? I emerged from my tent outside a local Burger King bleary-eyed and thirsty for gooey, iridescently sugar-chunked dairy.

(Okay, I didn’t actually camp out waiting, but my brain hasn’t thought about anything else for this past week except Froot Loops Shakes and the occasional Reese’s Egg.) Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, froot loops, kelloggs, non cereal. 5 Comments

Mar. ’17

Review: St. Patrick’s Day Edition Lucky Charms with Green Clovers Cereal

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Or as it’s known in the cereal community, “Unofficial But Pretty Much Official Lucky Charms Day!”

Because let’s be real here: if there were ever a thematically appropriate day to suck down leprechaun-endorsed oats and marshmallows by the beer stein-full, it’s St. Patrick’s Day.

As they always do, General Mills and Lucky Charms themselves have acknowledged the iconic cereal’s spiritual tie to this day of green by releasing an especially enviable Lucky Charms with Green Clovers! This cereal has been released before in a number of forms: 2017’s two-toned, minty fresh and earthen pine green shamrock marshmallows aren’t new, but previous years have also seen our four-leaved friends paired with sugary pots o’ gold and gold coins.

Who knows: maybe next year Lucky Charms will “Mix Up” these marshmallows like they did with the others, and we’ll finally get the black and neon pink marbits my edgy high school self always dreamt of. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, general mills, holiday, lucky charms. 4 Comments