Tag Archives: 8 rating

Review: Cheerios Cinnamon Oat Crunch Cereal

Which cereals go to the gym?

It’s becoming easier to tell. Previously, it was clear that the burly likes of Raisin Bran and Grape Nuts totally work out—and that Wheat on the bench press? Totally Shredded—while Tony the Tiger’s protein-deprived Frosted Flakes definitely skip leg day.

But other classic cereals? Unclear. But with the release of Cheerios’ new Cinnamon Oat Crunch cereal, we know original Cheerios must be wimpy as a honey-soaked pool noodle, because these oat-specked rings are true cereal alpha grains.

Evoking the appearance of both Cheerios Protein and Honey (née Graham) Oh’s, Cinnamon Oat Crunch Cheerios trade muscly protein for stomach-rumbling fiber, with some remaining from the scaly layer of oat shard coating each like wholesome armor.

I’ve heard good things leading up to this review, so I’m ready to go toe-to-toe in the ring (my bowl) with this no pain, no grain gym rat.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cheerios, cinnamon, general mills. 15 Comments

Jun. ’18

Review: Chocolatey Salted Caramel Pop-Tarts (Walmart Exclusive Flavor!)

Just as sure as there will be fads in fashion, from Crocs & bedazzled jeans to high-water pants and bedazzled Crocs, there will be fads in food that was and wane with the years and seasons.

But while most taste trends wear themselves out—pumpkin spice, sriracha, maple bacon, and the ’70s’ aspic-encapsulated everything spring to mind—salted caramel is one of few (hi, avocado) recent buzz-powered foodstuffs that actually stands the taste of time.

Which is why I’m glad Walmart and Kellogg’s decided to not release jellied Aspic Pop-Tarts and instead gave us Chocolatey Salted Caramel, a sodium-supplemented upgrade to plain ol’ Chocolatey Caramel, who now appears in my memory like a fragile Squirtle to this NaC(arame)l Blastoise.

So while I’m encouraged by the premise, there’s only one way to know how good these are. And friends, it doesn’t involve a peppermill. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, caramel, chocolate, pop-tarts. 4 Comments

Feb. ’18

Review: Ideal Oats Oatmeal – 3 Flavors!

Look, oatmeal is no one’s idea of ideal.

Sure, it’s healthy, wholesome, warm, nourishing, and all that jazz, but it’s also ugly. Those moist, lumpy, and occasional drippy beige chunks? Second only to canned tuna on my list of “tasty foods I’d swipe left on if Betty Crocker made a dating app.”

That’s why I’m giving props to Ideal Oats for trying to glamorize, or at least revolutionize, the classic breakfast with a face for radio. Billed as “Oatmeal, Reinvented,” Ideal Oats not only aims to help the fitness-conscious with 20g of protein per, but it also aims to overthrow the oatmeal aisle oligopoly of Apple Cinnamon and Maple Brown Sugar by bringing in never-before-seen flavors.

Needless to say, as someone whose recent exercise log primarily consists of long walks to the back of the grocery store to buy more Reese’s Cup coffee creamer, it’s the flavors that make most excited for this review.

All three cups featured below were sent to me by Ideal Oats, but I promise the freeness of the oats won’t influence my review. When it comes to peanut butter and bananas, I don’t lie: not after the infamous “Mario Kart PB&J Incident of 2008.”

I’m still finding tear-stained crumbs in my carpet. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Uncategorized. Tags: 7 rating, 8 rating, apple, banana, cinnamon, oatmeal, peanut butter. 3 Comments

Feb. ’18

Review: Grape-Nuts Trail Mix Crunch Cereal

I’m not gonna lie to you: I don’t hit a lot of trails.

The Oregon Trail for PC? Sure. Trailer Park Boys reruns? Definitely? But any sort of wooded or, dare I say, forested path that requires physical exertion and appreciation for non-pixelated nature? Count me out.

That’s how dysentery starts.

But I’m still more familiar with fictional trails than being fit, which is why I won’t penalize Grape-Nuts Trail Mix Crunch for its box’s blatant lie. See, this stuff isn’t new: it’s just a rebrand of 5-year old cereal Grape-Nuts Fit—a fact Grape-Nuts itself confirmed on my Instagram.

Luckily, I never reviewed Grape-Nuts Fit before, so it won’t be redundant if I do so now. Plus this potent little brick of a cereal box weighs in at over 1 pound, which, given its size, makes it count as powerlifting every time I pour from it.

So let’s get fit(tin’ this stuff into my mouth)! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, grape-nuts, post, vanilla. 1 Comment

Jan. ’18

Review: Nature Valley Nut Butter Granolas – Peanut Butter & Honey Almond Butter

Peanuts and almonds have an oligopoly over the nut butter market.

There, I said it. If Vladimir Nutin and his secret legume agents take me down, you’ll find my full manifesto buried 50 paces east of the old Siberian walnut factory.

All I’m saying is that, while peanut and almond butter is good and all, I think other nut butters deserve their moment in the sunflower oil-emulsified sun.

Cashew butter is delightful. Pecan butter is an underrated gem. And wingnut butter contains so much iron!

Yet General Mills and Nature Valley chose to use peanut butter and almond butter to flavor their newest pouches of granola. I’ll forgive them for now because they used honey in their almond butter granola, but if I’m martyred for this expository review, I’ll be leaving a scathing eulogy.

Oh well, might as well munch while I wait for my door to be punched down. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, almonds, general mills. 7 rating, granola, nature valley, peanut butter. 1 Comment

Jan. ’18

Review: Special K Nourish – Berries & Peaches Cereal (with Real Fruit & Yogurty Pieces)

Different foods do “chaos scoops” better.

You know, chaos scoops: when you grab a big handful of a mixed foodstuffs with blatant disregard for flavor sorting or portion control, slam it in your mouth with the grace of a Legends of the Hidden Temple contestant putting the Silver Monkey together, and relish in a lawless hodgepodge of melded flavors.

Trail mix is good about this (as long as you maintain a respectable nuts-to-M&M’s ratio), Skittles scoops are hedonistically sweet, and jelly beans are the definition of risk vs. reward—you get one black licorice or cinnamon in there and it’s a whammy for your digestive system.

That’s why I was curious about Special K’s new Berries & Peaches cereal, the third in their probiotic line of Nourish cereals (I hear if you eat them while taking an antibiotic, your gut flora unites to punch you in the colon). With so many ingredients—flakes, dried strawberries/blueberries/peaches, and yogurty bits, could Special K possibly pull such complex choreography? Or would it taste like a fire in my (Jelly) Belly?

Well it’s time to make a sacrifice for the people. If I start posting pro-bacteria propaganda next week, know that I’ve been compromised. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, blueberry, fruit, kelloggs, special k, strawberry. 10 Comments

Jan. ’18

Review: Kashi Cinnamon French Toast

Let’s raise a toast to 2018: a bowl of Kashi’s new Cinnamon French Toast Cereal, to be more specific.

Yes, I figured this warm ‘n’ cozy-sounding, breakfast-within-a-breakfast cereal would be a fitting first review for the year of MMXVII for two reasons: one, it’s pretty darn healthy and New Year’s friendly, at 90 calories per 3/4 cup serving with 5 grams of fiber for “spring cleaning,” and just 6 grams of sugar.

Yep, you read that right: Cinnamon French Toast barely out-sweetens Wheat Chex, a cereal I’m pretty sure can double as soy bean fertilizer.

Oh, and the second reason? Because Kashi’s bulging little toasts here adopt a “new year, new me” philosophy to deliciously remix a bunch of other cereal flavors you’ve probably already tried and shamefully binged a whole box of during while binge-watching The Office for so long that Netflix skipped asking if you were there and just asked, “Are you still okay?” Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, cinnamon, kashi, maple. 9 Comments

Dec. ’17

Review: Nutter Butter Cereal from Post

“What’s the best peanut butter cereal?” is perhaps one of breakfast’s most divisive questions—right up there with “is cereal a soup?”

(No, it’s not: soup is a concept, not a thing defined by its components. Please stop asking me.)

There are many who ardently support Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch. There are others who swear by Reese’s Puffs or new Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios (or at least, 50% of them). Some weirdos (like me) prefer the salted intricacies of Peanut Butter Puffins. And there are still others (me again) who desperately long for the return of JIF Cereal, going so far as to rally a posse of choosy moms to voice their cause.

But while peanut butter cereal has long been a small, yet hotly contested category, there’s a new contender in town, one with a long legacy of peanut butter snack cookie domination.

Yes, Nutter Butter Cereal is real, and it is debuting alongside Chips Ahoy! cereal to close a trilogy of “cerealized grade school cafeteria treat your mom used to carefully ration out in Ziploc bags, like seriously Ma, only two?”, a divine cereal lineage pioneered by the great creator: Oreo O’s.

Nutter Butter cookies have always been an aggressively peanut buttery cookie to me. So I’m not saying I want this cereal to gum my tongue to the roof of my mouth like tasty rubber cement, but if I’m left smacking my lips like a confused dog, I wouldn’t be upset. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, peanut butter, post. 25 Comments