Tag Archives: 7 rating

Review: Boo Berry Monster Cereal (2016)

There’s only a week left until Halloween, but while everybody else in the world is taping fake cobwebs to their walls and putting the finishing touches on their Pokémon Go-inspired “Sexy Pikachu” costumes, I’m sitting here gazing at a bowl of Boo Berry cereal.

More specifically, I’m wondering why there’s never been a movie tie-in between Boo Berry and Ghostbusters. With this summer’s Ghostbusters reboot now merely a bargain DVD bin memory, General Mills missed their chance to throw noxiously green Slimer marshmallows into every bowl of crunchy blue Boo Berry ghosts. The endmilk would’ve turned roughly the shade of the Jersey Shore’s seafoam, and it would’ve been glorious.

But I’ll have to make do with just Boo. Even without nauseatingly aquamarine dairy, Boo Berry still puts on a heck of a breakfast show. Of General Mills’s 3 big Monster Cereals, Boo Berry arguably has the most devoted cult following. He’s the Rocky Horror of Halloween breakfast options, so for the 2nd year in a row, let’s find out why damn it, Janet, everyone loves Boo.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, boo berry, general mills, halloween, monster cereals. 4 Comments

Sep. ’16

Review: Erewhon Cinnamon Crispy Brown Rice Cereal

How has there never been a Cinnamon Rice Krispies cereal before?

Okay, technically there was an Apple Cinnamon Rice Krispies in the mid-’90s, and I’m sure it tasted like a rad, cracklin’ apple crumble. But a full-blooded, spicy-sweet Cinnamon Rice Krispies cereal? Nope: there’s no mention of that in my cereal history book.

But we all know it should exist! I mean, just sprinkle the crumbs at the bottom of a Cinnamon Toast Crunch bag over your next bowl of Rice Krispies, and I’m sure you’ll agree that Snap, Crackle, and Pop should have joined forces with Wendell, Bob, and Quello years ago.

Thankfully, we don’t have to rely on Kellogg’s flavor alchemy wizards for a cinnamon-infused crisped rice cereal. Erewhon—a cereal manufacturer I had never tried before today—has a gluten-free product to fit this incredibly specific breakfast niche. It’s called Cinnamon Crispy Brown Rice, and with a name like that, this cereal needs a trio of cartoon dwarf mascots named Smack, Crinkle, and Pep.

Who said originality is dead? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, attune foods, cinnamon, erewhon, rice krispies. 2 Comments

Sep. ’16

Review: Quaker Breakfast Flats Golden Raisin Cinnamon Breakfast Bars

“Gimme a fat stack of phat Breakfast Flats, STAT!”

Now that Quaker’s new-for-2016 Breakfast Flats—which come in Cranberry Almond, Banana Honey Nut, and Golden Raisin Cinnamon—are on shelves, you probably hear that phrase around all the time.

Or more likely, you’ve probably never heard it, since I just made it up. Plus, no one has used the word “phat” since the Taft administration. He was the raddest, coolest president, after all.

All William Howards aside, a fat stack of 3 plastic-wrapped Golden Raisin Cinnamon breakfast bars sits in front of me. Full disclosure: the main reason I’m reviewing these is because my loving grandmother gave them to me as a thoughtful gift, knowing how much I love Raisin Bran.

So this one’s for you, Grandma. Time to make you proud by photographing sticky glazed raisin rectangles. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, breakfast bars, cinnamon, non cereal, quaker, raisin. Leave a comment

Sep. ’16

Review: Peace Cereal Maple Pecan Granola

Pumpkin dominates fall. Gingerbread and peppermint have a stranglehold on winter, while sugar cookie and eggnog watch on with buttered jealousy. Carrot cake has carved out a weird spring niche. Strawberry, s’mores, and good ol’ American apple pie vie for summer dominance.

So many flavors have seasonal attachments. But where does maple belong? Maple has long been a jack of all seasons, a flavor that we take for granted since it’s always available in glass bottles, plastic grandmother figures, and those charming metal carafes they supply at Denny’s.

But I think maple deserves its own season. You know what, “deserves” isn’t strong enough: maple has worked hard for our waffles and taste buds, so it demands a time of the year to call its own. Early September is a good time to start, because it’s just too early for most people to go off the pumpkin deep end, and it’s slightly too late to use those overripe strawberries in a shortcake. Some might argue that March is a better time, since that’s maple syrup harvesting season, but this review needed a creative introduction, so give me a break.

Here’s to you, maple. Let’s celebrate with Peace Cereal’s Maple Pecan Granola, which contains none other than real maple syrup. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, attune foods, granola, maple, peace cereal, pecan. 4 Comments

Sep. ’16

Review: Quaker Banana Bonanza Oatmeal and Blueberry Bash Oatmeal

Quick: pretend you’re in 4th grade and it’s lunch time. You sit down at an uncomfortable wooden table, and tear open your hyper-crinkly brown bag while you wait for your friends to come back from the hot lunch line with their spicy chicken sandwiches and Bosco breadsticks.

You’re more than a little jealous of them, but you know Mom had to have packed you something good. So what’s the main course? Ham and cheese on rye? Leftover chow mein from China Kingdom down the road?

Both guesses are wrong. In an attempt to get you eating healthy, Mom packed Quaker’s newest instant oatmeal cup flavors: Banana Bonanza and Blueberry Bash.

But are these oatmeal cones worth trudging over to the school’s vintage, pizza sauce-stained microwave for? Or should you trade them like edible Pokémon cards and try to game Billy out of his Ziploc full of Oreos?

Those are the existential questions I hope to answer.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, 7 rating, banana, blueberry, non cereal, oatmeal, quaker. Leave a comment

Aug. ’16

Review: Quaker Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Life Cereal

I know this cereal is called Pumpkin Spice Life, but in my mind, there’s an invisible equals sign in-between the last two words.

Pumpkin Spice = Life.

It’s the kind of thing a true autumn addict would get tattooed above their knuckles after getting sent to jail for building jack-o-lantern totem poles above the legal height limit. If that sounds like the plot of a gritty Goosebumps reboot, then I’ve succeeded.

But for these next 3-4 months, pumpkin spice really will be life for grocery store browsers and BuzzFeed editors everywhere. And the latest cereal staple to jump on this cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, allspice, cloves, Donner, and Blitzen bandwagon is Life. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, life, pumpkin, quaker. 9 Comments

Aug. ’16

Review: Baskin-Robbins Oreo Milk ‘n Cereal Ice Cream

Anyone who’s read this site or received a sobbing 3:00A.M. voicemail from me knows that I really, really miss Oreo O’s. During the early 2000s, those cookies ‘n’ creme flavored O’s were as meaningful to me as wedding rings. But then they were tragically discontinued, leaving me to “Extreme Cry” over their discontinued “Extreme Creme Taste.”

So you can understand why my ears perked up when I heard that Baskin Robbins’ August flavor of the month puts the words “Oreo” and “Cereal” in the same sentence.

Alas, Baskin-Robbins Oreo Milk ‘n Cereal Ice Cream has nothing to do with Oreo O’s, though it does sound interesting. It combines cereal milk-flavored ice cream with Oreo chunks, frosted corn flake cereal pieces, and a frosted corn flake swirl. We all know that “frosted corn flake cereal pieces” is generic marketing speak for Frosted Flakes, but I just think it’s funny that by adding in the word “corn,” Baskin-Robbins can avoid—to paraphrase a certain jungle cat—”a legal GRRRRey area!”

Let’s pounce into a scoop, shall we? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, frosted flakes, non cereal. 8 Comments

Aug. ’16

Review: Coffee Nut M&M’s (Flavor Vote Winner)

You probably don’t need to be reminded that this U.S. presidential election is already nuts.

So why don’t we just elect a bag of Coffee Nut M&M’s into the Oval Office, instead?

I mean, just look at them: they have perky energy, calm suaveness from their muted earth tones, and they understand the youth vote’s fascination with trendy caffeine ‘n’ sugar beverages. And I promise: unlike the two candidates who will be on ballots this November, Coffee Nut M&M’s won’t get into a petty flame war on Twitter.

Not to mention the fact that they have prior political experience. If you remember earlier this March, Mars Candy hosted an M&M’s “flavor vote election,” pitting Coffee Nut M&M’s against Chili Nut M&M’s and fan-favorite Honey Nut M&M’s.

Okay fine: Honey Nut was just a Dan-favorite.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGJbW9XjQFo

It turns out that Coffee Nut was America’s favorite, and as part of its victory rally, it will be staying on grocery store shelves and in my stomach from here on out. To celebrate President Coffee Nut’s win, I’m going to proudly shake his hand—by which I mean I’m going to shamefully shake the entire contents of his pouch into my own hand.

Because despite what the new Coffee Nut M&M’s packaging says, I refuse to share. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, coffee, non cereal. 3 Comments