Tag Archives: 7 rating

Review: Coffee Cereal — Original & Café Mocha

Now this is a fun one, cereal fans. I’ve been meaning to try Coffee Cereal for a long time: long before I even knew it actually existed.

See, back in high school, I was given one of those clichéd school projects, the kind you see Urkel and the Olsen twins struggle with on ’90s sitcoms. My challenge was to think of and prototype an invention, an invention no one had thought of before.

Since I ate cereal and drank coffee every morning (and ate lunch alone, probably because of the whole coffee snobbery), I had the genius idea of inventing a coffee cereal. I was all prepared to start designing “Cappuccin-O’s” boxes and rolling Cheerios in espresso powder, but then I found out that Coffee Cereal already exists, made by a small company in Missouri.

Into the metaphorical and literal trash my idea went.

Years later, I’ve finally gotten over my bitterness (though I still drink bitter coffee), and now I’m ready to review the real thing. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, 8 rating, coffee. 3 Comments

May. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted A&W Root Beer Pop-Tarts

I’m glad I’m finally mature and intelligent enough to eat Kellogg’s new “Soda-Licious” A&W Root Beer Pop-Tarts.

Back when I was a kid, I never drank root beer without parental supervision. See, opening the fridge and seeing the word “beer” would immediately fill me with fear that I’d get clobbered for having accidentally sipped some forbidden alcoholic elixir.

Of course, I can laugh at my childhood illiteracy now, just like how I laugh at my dumb childhood self for eating the brown paper layers on Reese’s Cups. I didn’t know they were there, I swear!

Now it’s time to redeem myself by eating far too many artificially root beer-flavored, frosted and sprinkled sugar rectangles. Because everyone knows the best kind of redemption ends in a shameful food coma. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. Leave a comment

Apr. ’16

Review: Post Grape-Nuts Flakes

Oh, Grape-Nuts: you go by many names in my household, from “mouth gravel” to “rugged nuggets.” But most of us just call you “ow!” because the strength of your molar-cracking crunchiness would make the Incredible Hulk blush.

Post must have realized that Grape-Nuts were unfairly lining the pockets of dentists everywhere, which is why we have Grape Nuts Flakes. A “lite” version of original Grape-Nuts (both in terms of texture and calories), these Flakes promise all of the O.G. Grape-Nuts flavor you love with half the number of broken bicuspids.

And for those of you who already hated the taste of Grape-Nuts? Well, these charming barley shavings might still win you over.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, grape-nuts, post. 13 Comments

Mar. ’16

Review: Barbara’s Toasted Oatmeal Flakes Cereal

Toast is a great breakfast food. Oatmeal is a great breakfast food.

But by flinging gobs of oatmeal into your toaster, you can make an even better breakfast food: Toasted Oatmeal Flakes!

(Note: this is probably not how Toasted Oatmeal Flakes are made. This is probably how “Toasted Kitchen Curtains” are made, though.)

Before this weekend, I had no idea that Barbara’s even made a Toasted Oatmeal Flake cereal. In fact, I had no idea that any other cereal producer, other than Trader Joe’s, made Toasted Oatmeal Flakes.

But then I took a trip to one of those weird, slightly skeevy surplus grocery stores that often sells cereals and toaster pastries that are too close to their expiration dates for any major grocery chain to comfortably carry.

It’s where I found Barbara’s Toasted Oatmeal Flakes—and a questionably ancient box of Scooby-Doo cereal, but that’s a story for another day At a price of $1.50 per box, I couldn’t resist trying this cereal, even if it meant possibly eating stale flakes that taste more cardboard-y than the box.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, barbara's. 3 Comments

Mar. ’16

Review: Trader Joe’s Cherry Pomegranate Organic Frosted Toaster Pastries

Well look at you, Trader Joe’s: always getting all prim and proper with your flavors and names for things.

Instead of “cheddar,” we get “Trader Joe’s Oakwood Cold Smoked English Cheddar Cheese.” Where others would buy “ravioli,” we buy “Trader Giotto’s Arugula & Parmigiano Reggiano Ravioli.” If Trader Joe’s sold omelettes, I swear they’d call them “Fabergé Joe’s Country Cock-tail Collages.”

In the midst of this naming madness, we get TJ’s take on Pop-Tarts: “Organic Frosted Toaster Pastries.” Not content with just naming them extravagantly, Trader Joe’s also likes to extravagantify (shut up, spellcheck) their flavors from time to time.

That’s why I’m sitting here munching a Cherry Pomegranate Frosted Toaster Pastry. Sure, Kellogg’s may be happy to go hog-wild with Maple Bacon, but I can’t imagine them touching pomegranates with a 10-foot spoon. This flavor isn’t particularly new, but since I was impressed by the last TJ’s pastry I tried, I figured it was worth highlighting another.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, non cereal, pop-tarts, trader joe's. Leave a comment

Mar. ’16

Review: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Crunch O’s: Honey and Almond

Could it be? Do I really no longer have to waste my time mixing Honey Bunches of Oats with Honey Nut Cheerios to create my favorite FrankenCereal creation: Honey Nut Bunches of CheeriOats?

There are few cereal combos I love more than the sticky, nutty rings of Honey Nut Cheerios tag-teaming it with the crispy flakes and earthy, rich clusters of Honey Bunches of Oats. But think of the hassle it takes to prepare a bowl: I have to grab a box, pour it into a bowl, then grab another box, and pour that one too! Even Atlas couldn’t shoulder this burden.

Oh, and did I mention that I have to physically mix the two with my spoon like some antiquated pilgrim on her butter churn? C’mon, it’s the 21st century, people!

But no longer, because Post has released Honey Bunches of Oats Crunch O’s, in both Honey and Almond flavors. These cereals combine the Honey Bunches we know and love with crunchy oat ovals, thus maximizing my morning laziness.

But do the flavors of these cereals stack up to my manual concoctions? Well churn my butter and call me Jebediah, because we’re about to find out. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, 7 rating, honey, honey bunches of oats, post. 1 Comment

Jan. ’16

Review: Skinner’s Raisin Bran from Uncle Sam

Raisin bran cereals are the oatmeal raisin cookies of the cereal world.

Now I’m not just talking about the ingredients, because that’s certainly not a hard comparison to make. What I mean is that raisin bran cereals are the breakfast aisle underdogs. Just like how oatmeal raisin is so often overshadowed by chocolate chip—its suave, popular older brother—raisin bran has had its spotlight unfairly stolen by, well, every other cereal ever.

It must be the word “bran” that naturally turns people off. And for that reason, I recommend that all raisin bran cereals change their name to something cooler, like “Raisin Bandoliers,” “Raisin Bandits,” or even “Raisin Badasses.”

While we wait for this mass raisin bran rebranding to occur, I thought I’d review another existing raisin bran variety to help inform all my fellow defenders of raisin bran and oatmeal raisin cookies. Today’s raisin ~~badass~~ bran? An old school classic: Skinner’s Raisin Bran. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, attune foods, raisin bran. 5 Comments

Jan. ’16

Review: Smorz Cereal (2015)

Do you see that, cereal fans?

“We asked for it,” and “It’s back!!”

With not one, but two—count ’em—two (2) exclamation points! That’s how you know Kellogg’s means business. We’ll just forget the part where s’mores are a traditional summer treat and the ice on my driveway just made me slip head over heels like Charlie Brown kicking a football.

But who can be upset when Smorz, one of the most-missed discontinued cereals, is back? Well, maybe fans of S’Mores Crunch (keep dreaming, friends).

Do Smorz hold up to the not-too-distant memories we have of them? Memories of the early 2000s that are filled with Backstreet Boys CDs, post-Y2K relief, and American Idol viewing parties? Let’s find out! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, kelloggs, s'mores. 11 Comments