Tag Archives: 6 rating

Review: Fiber One Raisin Bran Clusters Cereal

Happy belated National Raisin Bran Cereal Day, everyone!

That’s right, yesterday, November 15 was dedicated to everyone’s favorite (and by “everyone,” I of course mean me and that weird guy who’s always hanging out behind the laundromat) type of cereal: the crunchy, fruity, and oftentimes cluster-packed combo that is raisin bran.

When the sun rose that beautiful morning, it was triumphantly holding two scoops. I sent out Raisin Bran Day greeting cards to all my friends (custom made; lousy Hallmark won’t recognize the holiday yet).

I bought presents for my colleagues (nothing brings a smile to someone’s face faster than a shoebox full of raisins and soggy flakes).

And I would’ve blown out the candles on a Raisin Bran Day cake, too, but the darn milk kept extinguishing the flame.

Okay, maybe none of that was true. But I did eat an embarrassingly large number of raisin bran-filled bowls. And while I’m paying for it this morning, I think it’s time to review another of the many raisin ban options available to all my fellow raisin ravers. Last week it was Trader Joe’s. Today?

Fiber One Raisin Bran Clusters.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, fiber one, general mills, raisin bran. Leave a comment

Oct. ’15

Review: Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts vs. Trader Joe’s Organic Frosted Pumpkin Toaster Pastries

As the toaster pops up, it’s time for two pastries to throw down.

With little cartoon pumpkins spreading throughout grocery store aisles like some sort of vegetable venereal disease, it’s hard to know which products do the orange orb its proper justice. And when you’re 5 minutes late to work in the morning, you certainly don’t have time to philosophically pontificate over the pros and cons of different pumpkin breakfast options (“the frosting on this one really speaks to me, but what would Kierkegaard think?”).

But don’t worry. We’re here to help.

Better than Wrestlemania. Better than a monster truck rally. Better than the World Series, Stanley Cup championship, and Wimbledon all mixed together in a Super Bowl: it’s time for a toaster tart face-off.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, 8 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts, pumpkin, trader joe's. 2 Comments

Oct. ’15

Review: Halloween Apple Jacks and Froot Loops Cereals with Skeleton Marshmallows

Before this Halloween, if you gleefully said you were eating a bowl of milk bones, your friends and family would either look at you strangely for munching on dog treats, or they would say “honey, get the camera: the dog is talking!”

But thanks to Kellogg’s, now you can finally achieve your dream of crunching femurs into dust without fear of social alienation or a life sentence. Along with Halloween Krave, Kellogg’s 2015 Halloween cereal offering features two new seasonal versions of Apple Jacks and Froot Loops, each with orange and white bone marshmallows that let you build a sugary model of a skeleton.

What do I say to this idea? Boo!

(In the cool, ghost way, of course. Not the “you stink” way.) Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, apple jacks, froot loops, halloween, kelloggs. 1 Comment

Sep. ’15

Review: Crispix Cereal

The year is 20IXIX.

The city is in ruins. Gangs have taken over the streets: burning down kids’ lemonade stands, filling mailboxes with wasps, and helping old ladies cross the street…BY THROWING THEM.

And it’s all because of the diabolical Crispix Corporation.

Are you a bad enough dude to stop them?

Let me amend that post-apocalyptic premise by saying that I have absolutely nothing against Crispix cereal. It just sounds exactly like the name of a generic, evil business conglomerate from an ’80s cyberpunk techno-dystopia movie. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, kelloggs. 2 Comments

Aug. ’15

Review: Barbara’s Limited Edition Pumpkin Puffins Cereal

Pump-ffins? Puff-kins?

Okay, I’m really glad Barbara’s didn’t try to incorporate cheeky wordplay into the name of their new Pumpkin Puffins cereal, because it’s the kind of pun that looks like it could work, but should probably be outlawed by the U.N.’s International Tribune on Wordplay Sanctions.

Or should I call them the P.U.N.?

But I digress. Sneaking in just ahead of the Autumn harvest is a new pumpkin-flavored cereal from Barbara’s. Like their other Puffins flavors, Barbara’s Pump-ffins take the form of wee little adorable pillows that look like rounded cubes with ridges and bowed-in edges. It’s the kind of complex shape that would make a geometrician sweat just thinking about calculating the surface area to volume ratio.

But luckily we don’t have to calculate any derivatives of pi to cram these hollowed-out cuboids into our hungry pi holes. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, barbara's, pumpkin. 4 Comments

Jul. ’15

Review: Frosted Flakes with Energy Clusters Cereal

What would Tony the Tiger say about the new Frosted Flakes with Energy Clusters from Kellogg’s? And I mean the real, Thurl Ravenscroft-voiced Tony the Tiger, not the meme-spouting CGI self-parody he has become. My guess is something along the lines of:

“They’re GRRRRanulated indictments of the 21st century zeitgeist’s perplexing infatuation with ‘health-ifying’ every facet of their day, despite the tendency of producers to use puffery and buzzwords to beguile and mislead!”

Or maybe he’d just say they’re great. Tomato, to-mah-toe, right? Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, frosted flakes, kelloggs. 4 Comments