Alright, who’s in charge of Kellogg’s Adjectival Development Department? I just want to talk.

“Blueberrific” Pop-Tarts Crisps presented a pretty mild misdemeanor of negligent neologizing. But “Mer-Mazing”? That’s a high crime right up there with first-degree mer-der. I mean, I get it: Kellogg’s still had enough of the old Blue Raspberry Pop-Tart filling lying around—I have to imagine this stuff must radioactively decay at the rate of Chernobyl—and wanted to tie into the far-from-floundering mermaid trend. But would it’ve killed them to switch cryptids and debut wordplay so bad it’s good?

Bluepacabra Raspberry just rolls off the severed goat tongue!

In any case, The Tasty Turtle on Instagram is the first to spot these sea-dame snacks at Walmart. Big ups to them for sharing, but I will say this box art leaves me with more questions than answers. Like, why is this blue mermaid incapable of articulately holding a Pop-Tart? How can a Pop-Tart even survive underwater?

And is there another fishy lower body behind that giant Tart, or are we to believe this is a Mer-pastry, who’s sunk eternally to the bottom of the ocean for lack of proper hydrodynamics? The secrets of the deep will forever elude me.