https://www.instagram.com/p/BqqSiqyA3AP/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1vtajq7hl3p8e

You know what they say: imitation is the sincerest form of fattening.

Wait, did I get that right?

Maybe I’ve got too many sugary snacks on the brain, but after seeing @dadbodsnacks‘ latest delectable discovery, Jewel’s Signature Select Hot Cocoa O’s, I can’t help but conspiracy-theorize that these really are just Trader Joe’s Hot Cocoa O’s rebranded, as they look exactly the same, right down the chubby chiclet marshmallows.

After all, it wouldn’t even be the first case of store-branded Christmastime cereal counterfeiting we’ve seen this week. Much like how on the internet, no one knows you’re a dog, in the cereal aisle, no one truly knows if you stole your idea from a Wolf or any other average Joe.

Whether or not these Hot Cocoa O’s were birthed from T. Joe’s family jewels may never be disclosed—and since there’s no Jewel store near me, I likely won’t be able to do a direct Joe-xtaposition.

Not that I would particularly want to anyway, as those who keep up on Cerealously’s power rankings will remember I thought TJ’s Hot Cocoa O’s, with their gummy texture and weirdly chewy marbits, is probably the worst holiday cereal in recent memory. The veritable coal or Krampus of the breakfast world, it’s the direct antithesis of Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch.

And I suggest keeping the two far, far apart, lest we accidentally kick off some sort of artificially flavored armageddon.

So happy holidays from a distance, Jewel & Joe: I never thought I’d say this, but just send me fruit cake instead.