I’ve reviewed oatmeal before.

I’ve reviewed cereal bars before.

But not until today have the two joined forces for a tasty crossover that’s more satisfying than The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones, Scooby-Doo Meets the Harlem Globetrotters, and The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour combined. You’ll notice that I’ve never reviewed granola bars, either. That’s because raw oats are simply one step of effort too far away from pipin’ hot oatmeal or Cracklin’ Oat Bran. In my eyes, it takes a microwave or a mill press to turn plain grains into breakfast.

So it’s time to grow up, granola bars, because oatmeal bars have everything you do—just with a lot more gumption. Oh, and in this case: oodles of strawberry jelly, too.

Making Welch’s Oatmeal Bars is easier than the dense, dumbbell-weighted box would have you think. All you have to do is add 1/3 cup (which translates to a bizarrely specific 5.33 tablespoons) of butter and a lone tablespoon of water to the base oat mix, which could be easily used as an emergency replacement for Moon Sand. The resulting gravelly dough tastes like* Barnum’s Animal Crackers and those old McDonaldland cookies, which gives me high hopes for the final product.

*Yes: despite the box’s warning, I did taste the raw batter. If this is the last you ever hear of me, I was either killed by a case of acute butteritis, or I was arrested by Deputy Doughboy, who’s always had it out for me, I swear!

After smushing this sweetly squishy stuff into a pan, you just have to spread a whole squeeze packet’s worth of strawberry frosting on top, then scatter more oat dust on top of that. This neon crimson goo looks like a melted Legend of Zelda ChuChu and tastes like Smucker’s-flavored ICEE syrup. For those keeping score at home, these Oatmeal Bars are already two for two.

The whole experience is kind of like making a deep-dish oatmeal pizza with strawberry marinara sauce and chopped-up Teddy Grahams instead of pepperonis. And if I’m not the first human to ever write the phrase “deep-dish oatmeal pizza,” then I don’t want to meet the person who was.

Speaking of pizza, I didn’t have any square pans that could fit this recipe, so after 26 minutes and 350 degrees Fahrenheit, I ended up with a pie dish full of Oatmeal Pizza Slices instead of Bars. As they cooled on the stove, my Strawberry Oatmeal Bars bobbed more beautifully than the lava on Mustafar.

Despite judicious usage of a pizza cutter and spatula, I was unable to extract my first meaty Oatmeal Bar slice without turning it into the misshapen mush you see below. Kinda looks like a ketchup-dipped chicken tender, doesn’t it?

But since beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, these Strawberry Oatmeal Bars taste a lot better than they look. And I mean a lot better. The oat crust is golden brown sugary and crunchy at the edges, yet buttery and gooey in the center, bringing together the best flavors of granola and oatmeal in a single bite. Imagine a bowl of Quaker Strawberries & Cream Oatmeal lined with Quaker Brown Sugar Oatmeal Squares and diced Quaker Chewy Bars…then go to the store and buy this mix instead because it tastes even better.

And the strawberry, ooh the strawberry! This stuff has the twinkling, deliciously candied strawberry taste of jelly doughnut filling. it’s a good thing Fat Tuesday is approaching, because as this decadent strawberry plasma oozes its way through the oats, the whole thing ends up tasting like a toasted strawberry pączki topped with oatmeal and red Jell-O for good measure.

Since it’s so easy to make, Welch’s and Betty Crocker’s Strawberry Oatmeal Bars will make a great hands-on treat for children, manchildren, and womanchildren alike. My only real criticisms are:

A) It’s pretty messy and tough to eat these bars without getting Kool-Aid-esque red stains on every cheek and cushion.

B) You have to check your New Year’s Resolution at the door. These Oatmeal Bars will shamelessly smack your diet across the face with a red rubber sticky hand of tastiness.

All weighty matters aside, this is a delightfully simple baking mix that could only be improved with the addition of a little nut butter—if you catch my drift. And heck, even grape jelly fans won’t need to feel PB&Jealous about this one…

…because even though I’m a strawberry purist who doesn’t agree with your dubious fruit preferences, ol’ Ms. Crocker’s got your back.

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The “Bowl:” Welch’s Strawberry Oatmeal Bars Betty Crocker Baking Mix

The Breakdown: A blissful synthesis of granola and oatmeal that’s bound by doughnut filling to create 2017’s best dessert (or if you’re me, guilty pleasure breakfast) yet. Just don’t wear your Sunday best while eating it.

The Bottom Line: 9.5 tears shed in memory of McDonaldland cookies out of 10

(Quick Nutrition Facts: 160 calories, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein per 1/15 mix, as prepared)