I don’t know which age gap is bigger here: the one between the elderly countenance of fibrous shredded wheat and the inherent hip and/or intellectual youthfulness of a vanilla latte, or the quantum leap between that same vanilla latte and the disturbingly clownish/juvenile bootleg SpongeBob face of Frosted Mini-Wheats’ new(ish) mascot design.

Most know by now, but I have negative fondness for him. I believe his parents were a normal Frosted Mini-Wheat and a blob of radioactive sewage.

All Geiger counters in my Amazon cart aside, I’m excited to try the non-buffoonishly anthropomorphized Vanilla Latte Frosted Mini-Wheats that lie inside, perhaps in a steam of powdered sugar.

Because Kellogg’s is one for one on Vanilla Latte sweets, meaning if they knock this out of the park, Chocolate Mocha Mini-Wheats can’t be far behind.

Let’s hasten history!

Err, might want to hit the DeLorean’s emergency brake.

Nearly camouflaged on the sandy wheats below, the rustic throw blanket of sugar on every square tries to pack a lot of good flavor into a pretty small surface area. Marked by notes of cinnamon, coffee ice cream, roasted vanilla bean, and brown sugar, Vanilla Latte Mini-Wheat coating does a good job at artificially translating a real vanilla latte’s flavor.

Actually, with its near-caramelized brown sugar flavor, these Mini-Wheats remind me more of toffee than coffee (a candy I like more in spirit than in substance because of their teeth-plastering properties).

The problem comes from thick thatch of shredded wheat that lies beneath. Good Frosted Mini-Wheat flavors, like chocolate and strawberry, work because they focus all their energy into one flavor, that can then potently and recognizably coexist with the heavy wholesome grain’s.

When a cereal like Vanilla Latte Frosted Mini-Wheats tries for too much subtly, a lot of the prevailing flavor gets diluted. So when not eaten icing first like a Mini-Wheat haircut, this whole cereal mostly tastes like a Vanilla Brown Sugar Mini-Wheats—a fitting complement to Maple Brown Sugar, but one that also leaves me longing for a little more café in my latte.

Which gives me an idea…

Just kidding. I’m not putting coffee in cereal after that time I melted my Wheaties into Pasties.

Milk only logically makes these country bumpkin vanilla bales a taste of metropolitan latte. The pleasant nuances from above do get denser when dairy-blasted, but it’s still a little fleeting, as the wheat bricks’ labyrinthine pores suck up all the milk, leaving behind swollen cubes of watered-down Hills Bros. English toffee.

Vanilla Latte Frosted Mini-Wheats are a successful experiment on the wrong scale. Most other Mini-Wheats are more concentrated in flavor, so this one’s sweet malt coffee potential feels a little misplaced. I’d love to see this flavor tried next on a different cereal, like Frosted Flakes or Krave.

Until then, I’ll finish this box, but only on the pretense that the mascot isn’t allowed to watch.

The Bowl: Vanilla Latte Frosted Mini-Wheats

The Breakdown: A smart combo of existing cereal flavors to make something uniquely browned brown sugary, the Frosted ultimately way outshines the Mini-Wheats. May the flavor live on.

The Bottom Line: 7 rustic throw pillows of vanilla out of 10